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Dodgers to force Andruw Jones to take steroids

Even Andruw Jones can’t believe how much he sucks.

LOS ANGELES, CA -- In a controversial move, Dodgers General Manager Ned Colletti has issued an executive order requiring that Andruw Jones immediately begin taking a regiment of steroids. "I [continue reading...]

Posted on August 11th, 2008

Eva Longoria thrilled to be voted in to the All-Star Game

eva-longoria

NEW YORK, NY -- Actress Eva Longoria told SSNN that she is "excited and thrilled" to have been selected by the fans as the final member of the American League [continue reading...]

Posted on July 13th, 2008

Giambi also enjoys wearing bra, high heels

Giambi’s smiling because he’s wearing women’s clothing

NEW YORK, NY -- New York Yankees first baseman and designated hitter Jason Giambi caused quite a ruckus when he revealed that he wears a gold thong to help him [continue reading...]

Posted on May 21st, 2008

Jeter, Giambi claim thong sharing part of Sex in the City promotion

Giambi attempts to prove he’s not gay

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After word leaked that the pair often share a gold thong to "bust slumps," New York Yankees Derek Jeter and Jason Giambi said it was [continue reading...]

Posted on May 20th, 2008

Yanks lied about Jeter’s injury to protect “sex icon” status

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After legging out an infield hit in the New York Yankees 6-1 victory over Tampa Bay earlier in the week, Derek Jeter was taken out [continue reading...]

Posted on April 11th, 2008

CIA offers Yanks announcer job

WASHINGTON, DC -- New York Yankees radio play-by-play announcer John Sterling will be splitting time this upcoming season between his booth in the Bronx, where he has broadcasted games since [continue reading...]

Posted on March 12th, 2008

Jeter annoying teammates with new joke

TAMPA, FL -- As spring training begins, Derek Jeter is on thin ice with a number of his teammates, who are already annoyed with his new "signature" joke. "I've got this [continue reading...]

Posted on February 14th, 2008

Jeter not going to waste pick on self in fantasy league

NEW YORK, NY – In a candid and emotional interview with SSNN early this morning, Derek Jeter admitted he wouldn’t waste a fantasy draft pick [continue reading...]

Posted on January 14th, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES… EXCLUSIVE: Jason Giambi/George Mitchell Transcript

Now that the Mitchell Report has been released, it seems like a good time to revisit our exclusive exposé of Mitchell's much-ballyhooed interview with Jason Giambi. In the wake of Jason [continue reading...]

Posted on December 14th, 2007

Valdez: “Imagine how much I would have sucked” without PEDs

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- When reached for comment regarding his name appearing among a group of steroid users in the Mitchell Report, former major-league starter and reliever Ismael [continue reading...]

Posted on December 13th, 2007

Torre: Dodgers may go after A-Rod, Jeter, Giambi, Rivera, Posada, Mientkievicz, Cano, Mussina, Matsui, Cabrera, Abreu and others

LOS ANGELES, CA -- New Dodgers manager Joe Torre reported today that the Dodgers are considering signing Alex Rodriguez to a record contract, and that he's also submitted a "wish [continue reading...]

Posted on November 10th, 2007

EXCLUSIVE: Jason Giambi/George Mitchell Transcript

In the wake of Jason Giambi's much-ballyhooed meeting with steroid 'investigator' George Mitchell, SSNN was able to procure the following document – a partial transcript of the meeting; the only [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2007

MLB still toying with All-Star format

SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- In 2003, Major League Baseball adopted the slogan "This Time It Counts" for the All-Star Game, after the previous year's game resulted in a tie. Commissioner [continue reading...]

Posted on July 10th, 2007

Torre to star in fourth LOTR flick

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- According to sources close to Lord of the Rings trilogy [continue reading...]

Posted on June 19th, 2007

Yankees buy title

NEW YORK, NY -- Despite the fact that George Steinbrenner's Yankee organization has [continue reading...]

Posted on March 16th, 2007


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