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injury Archives

Ken Griffey, Jr. reaches 600

Griffey shows off his “I’m about to get injured” face

MIAMI, FL – Cincinnati Reds outfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. celebrated hitting his 600th career home run this week, becoming the sixth player in history and third in the last six [continue reading...]

Posted on June 11th, 2008

Pierce says wheelchair is his normal mode of transportation

BOSTON, MA -- Boston Celtics forward Paul Pierce is downplaying the way his teammates carried him off the court, and his use of a wheelchair to get to the locker [continue reading...]

Posted on June 10th, 2008

Zumaya throws 150 mph change-up, poised for return

Zumaya is really happy with his progress… REALLY happy.

LAKELAND, FL -- Detroit Tigers flamethrower Joel Zumaya threw a bullpen session yesterday in preparation for his second rehab appearance with the Lakeland Flying Tigers, Detroit's Class A-advanced minor league [continue reading...]

Posted on June 6th, 2008

Malone breaks nose during post-game press conference

Ryan Malone, before disfiguring his face

DETROIT, MI – After being thoroughly beaten up throughout the Stanley Cup Finals, Ryan Malone suffered a broken nose – again – during a press conference following Game 5. The [continue reading...]

Posted on June 4th, 2008

Suns future in doubt after Shaq steps on Nash

PHOENIX, AZ -- Just when it seemed that things couldn't get any worse for the Phoenix Suns – they did. After making a late-season deal to acquire center Shaquille O'Neal from [continue reading...]

Posted on May 27th, 2008

Pujols adds insult to injury

ST. LOUIS, MO -- After injuring the San Diego Padres' Chris Young and Josh Bard earlier this week, an emotional Albert Pujols called a press conference today – in an [continue reading...]

Posted on May 24th, 2008

Cops say Benson is surprisingly easy to take down

AUSTIN, TX -- When Chicago Bears running back Cedric Benson was arrested for driving his boat on an Austin, Texas lake, police say they were surprised by how easily the [continue reading...]

Posted on May 6th, 2008

Fellow golfers recommend months, perhaps years of rest for Woods’ ailing knee

HILTON HEAD, SC -- Members of the golf world are unanimous in their undying support for Tiger Woods, after the four-time Masters winner underwent arthroscopic surgery to repair a cartilage [continue reading...]

Posted on April 16th, 2008

Yanks lied about Jeter’s injury to protect “sex icon” status

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After legging out an infield hit in the New York Yankees 6-1 victory over Tampa Bay earlier in the week, Derek Jeter was taken out [continue reading...]

Posted on April 11th, 2008

Broncos WR Brandon Marshall slips and injures self again

DENVER, CO -- Brandon Marshall has injured himself off the field for a second time this offseason, this time after a fall down the stairs at his home. Marshall was [continue reading...]

Posted on April 8th, 2008

Escobar comes clean about injury

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Minutes following his team's 1-0 victory over the Minnesota Twins Wednesday night, Los Angeles Angels starting pitcher Kelvim Escobar revealed the real cause of the inflammation that [continue reading...]

Posted on April 3rd, 2008

Matsui even more alienated after anus surgery

KISSIMMEE, FL -- Kaz Matsui thought he had heard it all. Taunts of being too small, too un-American, and too Japanese to hit a fastball have been the norm during [continue reading...]

Posted on March 28th, 2008

St. Louis Cardinals to get discount on pitchers’ arm surgeries

ST. LOUIS, MO -- Over the past couple of years, the St. Louis Cardinals have been beset by arm injuries suffered by their pitching staff. The pitchers on the current [continue reading...]

Posted on March 26th, 2008

Heat mascot ending season early

MIAMI, FL -- In an unexpected move today, Miami Heat mascot Burnie announced he is shutting it down for the season. With the Heat out of playoff contention, and with [continue reading...]

Posted on March 14th, 2008

Doctor diagnoses Schilling with “blogger’s shoulder”

BOSTON, MA -- According to reports today, Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling is once again experiencing shoulder problems and will likely miss at least half of the 2008 season. The [continue reading...]

Posted on February 7th, 2008

Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus

BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]

Posted on February 6th, 2008

New Jersey moron actually thinks Brady might not play in Super Bowl

WEST ORANGE, N.J. -- 24-year-old Johnny Marciano, a sixth-year senior at Rutgers, is extremely excited today as he anticipates Patriots quarterback Tom Brady potentially having to sit out the Super [continue reading...]

Posted on January 28th, 2008

Flopping accident sends Ginobili to bench with injury

SAN ANTONIO, TX -- The San Antonio Spurs have placed Manu Ginobili on the inactive list after the All-Star guard was involved in a violent flopping incident against the Clippers [continue reading...]

Posted on December 27th, 2007

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Clemens conspiracy uncovered

As you try to make sense of the video that Roger Clemens posted on his website today, denying all use of performance enhancing drugs, just remember that he's lied to [continue reading...]

Posted on December 23rd, 2007

Romo blames bad thumb on crazy night with Jessica Simpson

DALLAS, TX -– Contradicting reports that he suffered a thumb injury during last weekend's game against the Eagles, Cowboys QB Tony Romo told reporters that the injury actually occurred during [continue reading...]

Posted on December 20th, 2007

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