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Satan to Yankees fans: “It’s out of my hands”

Sorry Yanks, Satan can’t help you anymore

NEW YORK, NY -- Yankee fans woke up to horrifying news this morning, after Satan, Prince of Lies and Ruler of Darkness, gave a dour prognosis for the Bronx Bombers. [continue reading...]

Posted on August 28th, 2008

Rays’ Maddon hailed as Second Coming

This is what Jesus looks like with thick-frame glasses and a crew cut.

TAMPA, FL -- Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon has, by the standards of many baseball experts, performed a miracle in leading his previously hapless squad to first place in [continue reading...]

Posted on July 10th, 2008

God manipulating games to win bracket contest

BRISTOL, CT -- Amid all of the upsets and busted brackets from the first weekend of the NCAA men's basketball tournament, there is one bracket on ESPN.com's Tournament Challenge – [continue reading...]

Posted on March 25th, 2008

Pettitte took HGH to strengthen relationship with God

TAMPA, FL -- An emotional Andy Pettite addressed reporters Tuesday at Yankees camp, telling them that he took human growth hormone only a couple of times, and that in all [continue reading...]

Posted on February 19th, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Even God sick of Clemens udpates

As Roger Clemens has become overexposed in the media yet again, SSNN revisits a classic from May 2007, when everyone was sick of the Rocket. HEAVEN -- Apparently humans are [continue reading...]

Posted on February 13th, 2008

God angry at Obrzut for wasting height

HEAVEN - God expressed anger Thursday at Kentucky Wildcats’ center Lukasz Obrzut after the senior posted just a two-point, two-rebound performance against SEC foe Auburn on Wednesday night. [continue reading...]

Posted on January 1st, 2008

Devin Hester sets another record on MNF

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Devin Hester's amazing career continued Monday night, as he destroyed another record. Hester is now the all-time NFL record holder for "most graphics devoted to a return [continue reading...]

Posted on December 18th, 2007

Boston sports fans confident apocalypse is near

BOSTON, MA -- The recent success of Boston sports teams has led many Bostonians to speculate that the apocalypse is near. "Oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely," Boston sports fan, Bert McNulty told SSNN. [continue reading...]

Posted on November 13th, 2007

Jesus loves Warner more than Kitna

GLENDALE, AZ -- In a much-hyped battle between outspoken Christian quarterbacks Kurt Warner and Jon Kitna, Jesus made his feelings more than apparent by bestowing a victory upon Warner's Arizona [continue reading...]

Posted on November 12th, 2007

Tom Brady now favorite Son of The Almighty

BOSTON, MA -- Seán Patrick Cardinal O'Malley, Archbishop of Boston, declared today that after watching a repeat of last weekend's contest between the Patriots and the Dolphins, it has become [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2007

USC routs Irish after God is unable to crash Trojan plane

SOUTH BEND, IN -- Unable to stymie a roster full of All Americans, Notre Dame fell to USC this Saturday after God’s attempt to crashing the Trojan plane went unsuccessful. [continue reading...]

Posted on October 21st, 2007

God to smite first-born sons of Yankees

CLEVELAND, OH -- Shifting into the final phase of Operation Destroy Yankees, God announced after Friday night's game that he plans on killing the first-born son of each [continue reading...]

Posted on October 6th, 2007

Pavano to Yankees: I won’t pitch on Yom Kippur

BRONX, NY -- Carl Pavano has chosen God over baseball, and the New York Yankees are scrambling again tonight to make sure they have enough pitchers for Friday [continue reading...]

Posted on September 20th, 2007

Philly man briefly doubted Hamels was God

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Philadelphia native James Jenkins admitted to questioning the Godliness of Phillies starter Cole Hamels after a rocky first inning in his Friday night start against the [continue reading...]

Posted on August 13th, 2007

Even God sick of Clemens updates

HEAVEN -- Apparently humans are not the only beings sick of hearing about Roger Clemens' eventual return to the New York Yankees. Weighing in from his Heavenly throne, God said [continue reading...]

Posted on June 2nd, 2007


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