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George W. Bush Archives

Obama bets stimulus plan on Super Bowl

WASHINGTON, DC -- President and number one sports fan Barack Obama has bet the future of the trillion dollar economic stimulus plan on the outcome of this weekend's Super Bowl [continue reading...]

Posted on January 30th, 2009

George W. Bush no longer feeling guilty about managing his fantasy baseball team for 8-10 hours a day

CRAWFORD, TX -- Four days removed from his eight-year term as President of the United States of America, a seemingly happy-go-lucky George W. Bush is feeling a lot better about [continue reading...]

Posted on January 24th, 2009

Obama signs executive order shutting down Detroit Lions

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Calling its existence “an affront to everything our nation stands for” and declaring its legacy “a stain upon our history that we will never be able to fully erase," [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2009

Obama wears Bernard King jersey to White House; has to turn it inside out

WASHINGTON, DC -- An attempt to forge some solidarity with his new neighbors backfired for President-elect Barack Obama this week, when he was forced to turn inside-out the throwback Bernard [continue reading...]

Posted on January 13th, 2009

Bush tells Obama which channel ESPN is at the White House

WASHINGTON, DC -- President-elect Barack Obama and his good bride Michelle took to the White House on Monday, for meetings with President George W. Bush and first lady Laura Bush, [continue reading...]

Posted on November 11th, 2008

Passing of trade deadline allows President Bush to focus more on politics

Bush now has a few months left where his primary focus will be on the Presidency.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- August 25 has come and gone, and President Bush has informed his staff and the nation at large that he's "now ready to really get back to [continue reading...]

Posted on August 26th, 2008

Singing Chinese girl revealed to be computer generated

Lin Miaoke, shown here, exists only as a digital creation.

BEIJING, CHINA -- Chinese government officials sent shockwaves through the international community this morning when they revealed that the nine-year-old girl who sang at the 2008 Olympic Opening Ceremony was [continue reading...]

Posted on August 13th, 2008

Bush learns that waterboarding is not an Olympic sport

It’s not hard to believe that a guy who looks like this is as dumb as rocks.

BEIJING, CHINA -- U.S. President George W. Bush had an embarrassing moment today during a sightseeing trip in China, when he was informed that waterboarding is not an Olympic sport [continue reading...]

Posted on August 12th, 2008

Actual email from President Bush regarding the commution of Marion “Pacman” Jones’ prison sentence

SSNN has obtained an exclusive email from President George W. Bush to White House Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten. Bush received a request from Olympic sprinter Marion Jones to commute [continue reading...]

Posted on August 6th, 2008

Henry contemplating retirement after receiving hefty economic stimulus check

PHOENIX, AZ -- An ordinary trip to the mailbox Tuesday resulted in elation and an overwhelming flood of emotion for Travis Henry. The six-year NFL veteran and current Denver Broncos [continue reading...]

Posted on May 28th, 2008

Yankees announce plan to annex Quebec

TAMPA, FL -- "Sacre bleu!" was the cry of a jubilant Hank Steinbrenner at a morning press conference, when the New York Yankees Chairman announced the organization's plans to annex [continue reading...]

Posted on March 6th, 2008

Superman showboating at NBA event while world conflicts continue

NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Despite the fact that he had previously only been seen in comic books and a series of movies, Superman was finally spotted in real life, appearing [continue reading...]

Posted on February 18th, 2008

Dubya places misguided congratulatory call to Patriots

WASHINGTON D.C.- As George "Dubya" Bush limps towards the final stage of his presidency, he will face what is sure to be less-than-pleasant response from the New York Giant faithful. [continue reading...]

Posted on February 4th, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Olbermann refuses to make Patriot Act joke

Keith Olbermann could have another chance to make a joke about the Patriots and videotaping this weekend, with the Jets' taping practices now in question... NEW YORK, NY -- The left-wing [continue reading...]

Posted on December 15th, 2007

Dallas Cowboys donated to President Bush in exchange for early end to presidency

DALLAS, TX -- In a heretofore unexpected and unprecedented event, the Dallas Cowboys have been given away to President George W. Bush, in exchange for a commitment that the president [continue reading...]

Posted on November 18th, 2007

Olbermann refuses to make Patriot Act joke

NEW YORK, NY -- The left-wing news media is in an uproar this week over the refusal of MSNBC news host Keith Olbermann to make any joke whatsoever using the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 21st, 2007

Bush makes surprise visit to Iraq, attends fantasy football draft in person

ANBAR PROVINCE, IRAQ -- En route to a summit in Sydney, Australia, U.S. President George W. Bush stopped over in Iraq for a surprise visit, and attended his fantasy football [continue reading...]

Posted on September 7th, 2007

Jenna Bush announces engagement to Gilbert Arenas

WASHINGTON, DC -- It's going to be a DC wedding, that's for sure. Early Tuesday, Jenna Bush – one of President George W. Bush's two daughters – announced her [continue reading...]

Posted on August 28th, 2007

Etheredge joins Bush administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Dick Cheney was on hand today to introduce the newest member of President George W. Bush's cabinet to the media - former Terrell Owens publicist [continue reading...]

Posted on February 23rd, 2007

“Dubya” pardons Canseco, McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa

WASHINGTON, DC -- At a hastily-convened Rose Garden press conference yesterday afternoon, President George W. Bush announced that he had just signed a Presidential Pardon clearing Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2007

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