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George Steinbrenner Archives

Ozzie Guillen throws perfect temper tantrum

CHICAGO, IL—Players and clubhouse reporters could hardly have known Thursday afternoon when they filed into the White Sox locker room that they were about to witness baseball history. When [continue reading...]

Posted on July 23rd, 2009

UPDATE: Sabathia secures meeting with Springsteen at Super Bowl

TAMPA BAY, FL—As recently reported by your humble correspondents at SSNN, Yankees ace and gigantic Bruce Springsteen fan CC Sabathia has been waiting in heightened anticipation for Springsteen’s halftime performance [continue reading...]

Posted on February 1st, 2009

Yankee stadium to be destroyed with 55,000 Yankee fans inside

NEW YORK -- Joey DiMarino was thrilled when he checked his mail last week and found an unexpected surprise. "I never would have expected it," said DiMarino, 28, of East Rutherford, [continue reading...]

Posted on October 6th, 2008

Satan to Yankees fans: “It’s out of my hands”

NEW YORK, NY -- Yankee fans woke up to horrifying news this morning, after Satan, Prince of Lies and Ruler of Darkness, gave a dour prognosis for the Bronx Bombers. [continue reading...]

Posted on August 28th, 2008

Major League managers pay tribute to Carlin

Some MLB managers stole this facial expression from Carlin, too

CHICAGO, IL -- The death of actor/comedian George Carlin has not only had an effect on the entertainment community, but the sports community as well. The stand-up legend's influence was [continue reading...]

Posted on June 24th, 2008

Giambi also enjoys wearing bra, high heels

Giambi’s smiling because he’s wearing women’s clothing

NEW YORK, NY -- New York Yankees first baseman and designated hitter Jason Giambi caused quite a ruckus when he revealed that he wears a gold thong to help him [continue reading...]

Posted on May 21st, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Clemens planning vacation for late May

After dealing with his current steroid controversy, Roger Clemens likely won't be having anything to do with the Yankees this season. That should free him up for a return trip [continue reading...]

Posted on January 8th, 2008

Boston sports fans confident apocalypse is near

BOSTON, MA -- The recent success of Boston sports teams has led many Bostonians to speculate that the apocalypse is near. "Oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely," Boston sports fan, Bert McNulty told SSNN. [continue reading...]

Posted on November 13th, 2007

A-Rod offers one-year deals, performance incentives to service-industry workers

BRONX, NY -- Alex Rodriguez, citing what he states is a "brilliant, performance-based standard," is beginning to offer everyone he knows one-year, incentive-heavy deals to continue in their current roles. [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2007

New “glass-is-half-full” Steinbrenner repents, extends Torre

TAMPA, FL -- Stating that "life is too short" to be angry all the time, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has repented from his original claim and has decided to offer [continue reading...]

Posted on October 25th, 2007

Steinbrenner hires Trump for firing purposes

NEW YORK, NY -- Owner George Steinbrenner announced the newest member of the Yankee family Tuesday – real estate mogul Donald Trump. Steinbrenner said that while the hiring is largely [continue reading...]

Posted on October 17th, 2007

Rivera blowing games deliberately

NEW YORK, NY -- Mariano Rivera, after yet another bad outing, told a gathered group of media around his locker that he has blown these last few games "on purpose." [continue reading...]

Posted on August 16th, 2007

Torre to star in fourth LOTR flick

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- According to sources close to Lord of the Rings trilogy [continue reading...]

Posted on June 19th, 2007

Clemens planning vacation for late May

NEW YORK, NY -- As if the Yankees weren't already bending rules by allowing Roger Clemens to stay home as they team travels, Clemens has now told team owner George [continue reading...]

Posted on May 18th, 2007

Yankees announce nickname contest

NEW YORK, NY -- The New York Yankees announced a new contest that will allow fans to nickname the team's newest pitcher, Kei Igawa. The team made the announcement Monday [continue reading...]

Posted on May 6th, 2007

As losses pile up, Yankees make change

NEW YORK, NY -- It was going to come sooner or later. Someone would have to take the fall for the New York Yankees sub-par start to the season. Early Saturday [continue reading...]

Posted on May 5th, 2007

Yanks break gajillion mark

NEW YORK, NY -- Forbes magazine announced Thursday that the New York Yankees franchise is worth an estimated $1.0013 gajillion. The magazine added that the Yankees are not only the first [continue reading...]

Posted on April 22nd, 2007

Yankees buy title

NEW YORK, NY -- Despite the fact that George Steinbrenner's Yankee organization has [continue reading...]

Posted on March 16th, 2007