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Football Archives

Favre: no plans to retire from being mental pain in the ass every spring

HATTIESBURG, MS -- After a disappointing run with the New York Jets in 2008, retired quarterback Brett Favre is flirting with the Minnesota Vikings in an attempt to resurrect [continue reading...]

Posted on May 8th, 2009

Cutler, McDaniels to Schedule Slapfight

ENGLEWOOD, CO -- Two days after Denver quarterback Jay Cutler put his four-bedroom, seven-bathroom, one-waterfall, custom-built Denver area home on the market, the Broncos announced a final shocking twist in [continue reading...]

Posted on March 19th, 2009

Brett Favre preemptively retires from remaining 30 NFL teams

NEW YORK, NY - Following an announcement earlier that Brett Favre has officially retired from the New York Jets, he released a statement citing that he is also retiring from [continue reading...]

Posted on February 11th, 2009

Man furious with co-workers for skipping his Pro Bowl party

MORRISTOWN, N.J. -- Things are awkward at DataTech Systems this morning, as Charlie Zimmer is seething mad at all of his co-workers. "What can I say," Zimmer said. "I work with [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2009

NFL season to climax today with Pro Bowl

HONOLULU, HI -- The 2008-09 NFL season will climax this afternoon with the annual playing of the Pro Bowl, the most highly anticipated wonderful afternoon of football in the whole [continue reading...]

Posted on February 8th, 2009

Michael Crabtree looking forward to being selected by Lions

LUBBOCK, TX—NFL prospect Michael Crabtree is 100 percent certain that with the Detroit Lions holding the number one pick in the 2009 NFL draft, he, as the number one receiver [continue reading...]

Posted on February 7th, 2009

Kurt Warner orders Whopper, declares faith to drive through attendant

PHOENIX, AZ -– Kurt Warner had just led the Arizona Cardinals a heartwrenching defeat in Super Bowl XLIII against the Pittsburgh Steelers, and he was exhaused. When the aging quarterback [continue reading...]

Posted on February 4th, 2009

Todd Haley to interview with Chiefs about the possibility of yelling at their players

KANSAS CITY, MO -- The Arizona Cardinals have granted permission to the Kansas City Chiefs, who wish to interview Arizona offensive coordinator Todd Haley. "We think Todd could [continue reading...]

Posted on February 4th, 2009

American viewers becoming disturbed with growing trend of exciting Super Bowls

TAMPA BAY, FL—Last night’s exciting Super Bowl finish, involving two lead changes in the last three minutes, is part of a growing trend that some in America are calling worrisome: [continue reading...]

Posted on February 2nd, 2009

Obama bets stimulus plan on Super Bowl

WASHINGTON, DC -- President and number one sports fan Barack Obama has bet the future of the trillion dollar economic stimulus plan on the outcome of this weekend's Super Bowl [continue reading...]

Posted on January 30th, 2009

God to smite prayers at Super Bowl

HEAVEN -- God is mad as hell and he isn’t going to take it any more. The Almighty ripped Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner and Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu for [continue reading...]

Posted on January 29th, 2009

Patriots coach Bill Belichick caught taping the Cardinals’ taping of the Steelers’ practice

TAMPA BAY -- New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick is facing a new suspension today after he was caught videotaping the Arizona Cardinals, who were taping the Pittsburgh [continue reading...]

Posted on January 29th, 2009

Kurt Warner regularly thanks God for Matt Leinart sucking

Warner regularly prays for Leinart’s suckiness.

TAMPA, FL -- As a successful man of faith, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner has often found himself giving thanks to his creator for the many good things that have [continue reading...]

Posted on January 27th, 2009

Carroll actually angry at Sanchez over QB’s intent to “stick it to my daughter”

Pete Carroll has no intention of seeing his daughter violated by Mark Sanchez.

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Football fans around the country were surprised earlier this month when normally ultra-supportive USC Trojans head coach Pete Carroll seemed to publicly disapprove of quarterback Mark [continue reading...]

Posted on January 26th, 2009

Cardinals move up to seventh in ESPN’s latest power rankings

BRISTOL, CT -- Sunday's release of the ESPN.com's latest NFL power rankings saw the Arizona Cardinals make a big jump to seventh, while the Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings took [continue reading...]

Posted on January 25th, 2009

Jacksonville Jaguars blogger can’t figure out uncharacteristically low traffic from Tuesday

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Area man Charles Marrow, head writer for “JagsLand,” a blog devoted to the Jacksonville Jaguars, was perplexed today by the unusually low number of visits to his blog Tuesday [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2009

Steelers still not sure who they’ll face in Super Bowl XLIII

Mike Tomlin is NOT amused by the big Cardinals joke.

PITTSBURGH, PA -- Though the glow from their AFC Championship victory over the Baltimore Ravens has yet to fully fade, the Pittsburgh Steelers are ready to move on and begin [continue reading...]

Posted on January 19th, 2009

Schwartz hoping NFL adds regular season games for shot at loss record

Schwartz is thrilled for his opportunity in Detroit…

DETROIT, MI -- Now that he has been formally introduced as the head coach of the 0-16 Detroit Lions, former Tennessee Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz has begun the process [continue reading...]

Posted on January 17th, 2009

Gruden to Bucs: “I’m taking QBs with me”

Gruden was none too pleased with his firing today.

TAMPA, FL -- In the wake of his surprising and much-ballyhooed firing from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, longtime NFL head coach Jon Gruden has served notice to his former team [continue reading...]

Posted on January 16th, 2009

Kurt Warner makes donations in his teammates name as a thank you for getting him to the Pro Bowl

PHOENIX, AZ -- On the eve of the franchise's biggest game in the last sixty years, the Arizona Cardinals clubhouse is in turmoil today after Kurt Warner gave presents to [continue reading...]

Posted on January 16th, 2009

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