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Florida Gators Archives

In preseason douche poll, Lane Kiffin wins biggest douche in the SEC award, stunning the field

KNOXVILLE, TN -- The Lane Kiffin era in Tennessee is off to a better start than ever hoped, with the results of the conference's annual Preseason Douchebag Coach Poll being [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2009

2008 Top 20, #11: CBS announcer goes to ER after Tebowner lasts for more than four hours

ATLANTA, GA -- At approximately 11 pm Saturday night, CBS sports announcer Gary Danielson realized it was time to head for the emergency room. "Every single commercial for a male virility [continue reading...]

Posted on December 29th, 2008

Tebow wins Wilson award for third year in a row

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- While the Heisman winner won't be announced until Saturday, Tim Tebow added yet another prestigious piece of hardware to his mantle. Tebow was announced Friday as the winner [continue reading...]

Posted on December 12th, 2008

Colt McCoy worried Palin has “gone rogue” on Heisman campaign

AUSTIN, TX -- Texas Lonhorns quarterback Colt McCoy is expressing concern today that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has become a hindrance to his Heisman Trophy campaign. "We think she's going rogue," [continue reading...]

Posted on December 10th, 2008

CBS announcer goes to ER after Tebowner lasts for more than four hours

Posted on December 7th, 2008

BCS chief: We’ll try and have a national champ in place by April at the latest

NEW YORK, NY -- In a hastily-called press conference, BCS officials made clear today that the public should prepare to wait awhile to know who is the 2008 National Champion. "There [continue reading...]

Posted on December 4th, 2008

Florida Gators remove Detroit Lions from 2009 schedule due to BCS concerns

GAINESVILLE, FL -- The Florida Gators have called the Detroit Lions and informed them that they will be cancelling next year's proposed game, which was to be played at a [continue reading...]

Posted on November 28th, 2008

Sports reporter writes column blasting himself after referring to himself in third person

GAINESVILLE, FL -- Local sports reporter John Trevor wrote a lengthy column absolutely blasting himself for a recent series of comments that he made in which he referred to himself [continue reading...]

Posted on August 29th, 2008

Noah too high to understand charges against son

Yannick Noah is almost certainly high in this picture

PARIS, FRANCE -- For all their strange behavior – and stranger hair – it seems that at least one age-old maxim applies to the Noah family: like father, like son. [continue reading...]

Posted on May 27th, 2008

Chiefs’ GM arrested for drafting while intoxicated

Peterson was regretful after drafting drunk

KANSAS CITY, MO -- NFL fans around the league knew something had gone horribly awry when it was announced that the Kansas City Chiefs had selected punter Brian Ross from [continue reading...]

Posted on April 28th, 2008

Herbstreit nominated for Sexiest ESPN Employee

COLUMBUS, OH -- College football analyst Kirk Herbstreit spoke briefly with SSNN via phone from his home Monday morning, hours after the former Ohio State quarterback was notified he has [continue reading...]

Posted on April 15th, 2008

Confused Noah cuts down nets after Bulls win

CHICAGO, IL -- With his teammates and a few perplexed fans looking on, Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah proceeded to cut down the nets last night after the team's 101-98 [continue reading...]

Posted on April 4th, 2008

Donovan stuck with subprime mortgage

GAINESVILLE, FL -- SSNN learned late Thursday that Florida Gators basketball coach Billy Donovan is struggling under the weight of a "subprime" mortgage, whose payments are beginning to put a [continue reading...]

Posted on January 25th, 2008

UK fan no longer wants Donovan after Florida loses 3 of 4

Kentucky fan Jay Marcum expressed frustration at Florida coach Billy Donovan after the Gators lost at Tennessee Tuesday night, marking the team's third loss in four games. "I [continue reading...]

Posted on January 4th, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Gainesville Presbyterian church now “First Church of Tebow”

In celebration of Tim Tebow's Heisman Trophy win over Darren McFadden, Colt Brennan and Chase Daniel, SSNN looks back to a classic tale of Tebow's prowess. GAINESVILLE, FL -- The legend [continue reading...]

Posted on December 8th, 2007

Tebow jogging to Heisman ceremonies from Gainesville

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- In a move designed to attract more Heisman voters, Florida QB Tim Tebow is nearing the end of a long jog to the Heisman ceremonies [continue reading...]

Posted on December 8th, 2007

Report: college students using football as excuse for excessive drinking

SALT LAKE CITY, UT -- A shocking report from the Organization to Prevent Collegiate Drinking (OPCD) has indicated that many college students are, in fact, only attending their university's football [continue reading...]

Posted on October 30th, 2007

Ohio State excited about possibility of another undefeated season and another humiliating bowl defeat

COLUMBUS, OH -- Ohio state head coach Jim Tressel is very excited about the possibility of his Buckeyes winning the Big Ten and finishing the regular season undefeated. "I think [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2007

Gainesville Presbyterian church now “First Church of Tebow”

GAINESVILLE, FL -- The legend of Tim Tebow grew even larger this week when a local Gainesville Church formerly known as the "First Presbyterian Church of Gainesville" officially changed its [continue reading...]

Posted on October 27th, 2007

Donovan reconsiders tuna special

GAINESVILLE, FL -- Minutes after placing his order, conflicted basketball coach Billy Donovan had second thoughts about the meal he had committed to eating at his favorite area restaurant, Harry's [continue reading...]

Posted on June 6th, 2007

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