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fantasy football Archives
Former college journalism major furious with fantasy football leaguemates due to lack of appreciation of weekly newsletter
PHOENIX – Drama arose Wednesday on the message boards of the Mike Vick’s Kennel Club Fantasy League not because of what was said, but because of what wasn’t. Every Tuesday morning [continue reading...]
Posted on December 15th, 2008
Man in danger of losing family after 23rd straight fantasy loss
CHICAGO, IL--David Morton is reeling today after losing his 23rd consecutive fantasy footbal contest, and his difficulties on the virtual gridiron are starting to take over his real-life. "Yeah, the wife [continue reading...]
Posted on December 3rd, 2008
Man spends entire afternoon figuring out how Andre Johnson can score 37.4 points in fantasy
LITTLETON, CO -- Frank Spaggs had a lot of stuff to do this afternoon, but it's all going to have to wait for tomorrow. That is because Spaggs spent his [continue reading...]
Posted on December 1st, 2008
Derek Anderson settles vendetta against fan, will resume being a good quarterback
CLEVELAND, OH -- An irate and perhaps overly sensitive Derek Anderson has informed SSNN that he has completed his vendetta against fantasy football fanatic Nathan Zimmerman, and that the Cleveland [continue reading...]
Posted on October 16th, 2008
Bush convenes Congress to figure out who he should start between LT2, Ronnie Brown, and Frank Gore
WASHINGTON, DC -- President George W. Bush made an extremely unorthodox and frankly unprecedented move in the annals of American history Saturday, calling both houses of Congress together for an [continue reading...]
Posted on October 4th, 2008
McCain makes waiver claim on Paul Hornung
WASHINGTON, DC -- In an effort to demonstrate that he's not out of touch with the average American and also demonstrate some of his rapidly developing computer skills, John McCain [continue reading...]
Posted on September 25th, 2008
Co-worker won’t shut up about picking Michael Turner in the 10th round
HERSHEY, PA -- Lavar Dickerson has enraged his fellow co-workers with his non-stop bragging about how he stole Atlanta Falcons RB Michael "The Burner" Turner in the 10th round of [continue reading...]
Posted on September 9th, 2008
Man decides to give fantasy hockey “a try”
BENNINGTON, NY—Area man Steve Placer, known locally for his expertise in fantasy football and baseball, has, at the request of a close friend, decided to give fantasy hockey a try. [continue reading...]
Posted on September 9th, 2008
Ben Franklin proposed that Continental Congress fantasy league uses yards as well as TDs in scoring system
PHILADELPHIA, PA—Ben Franklin has long been remembered for his efforts in the War for Independence and for his many inventions improving quality of life in colonial America. Now, however, many [continue reading...]
Posted on September 2nd, 2008
Obama asks to have fantasy football draft rescheduled for third time
DENVER, CO -- Barack Obama's fantasy football leaguemates are growing tired of his antics, and are thinking about taking some real corrective action against the Illinois senator-turned-presidential candidate. "For the third [continue reading...]
Posted on August 27th, 2008
John Edwards admits to cheating in fantasy baseball league
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A tearful John Edwards admitted to SSNN yesterday that he repeatedly hacked into opposing player's accounts during the course of the current fantasy baseball season to gain [continue reading...]
Posted on August 11th, 2008
Pennsylvania small-business owner furious with National League
READING, PA -- Dan Kostansky, 41, is absolutely furious today with the National League All-Star team for robbing him of potentially the most productive workday of the year. "We've got eight [continue reading...]
Posted on July 16th, 2008
Phone companies report record call volume over Joba
NEW YORK, NY -- Several leading cellular phone companies reported a record number of phone calls Friday, apparently due to the announcement that New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain will [continue reading...]
Posted on May 30th, 2008
Man arrested for sending threatening letters to NFL players
ORLANDO, FL -- A Florida man was arrested yesterday in Orlando after being identified as the sender of multiple menacing letters to approximately twenty NFL players – including Reggie Bush, [continue reading...]
Posted on May 13th, 2008
Kobe adds asterisk to Shaq’s fantasy football championship
LOS ANGELES, CA -- The Los Angeles Lakers Fantasy Football Association's year-end banquet ended in contention Thursday, when it was discovered that Kobe Bryant had defaced the Divac Cup – [continue reading...]
Posted on January 4th, 2008
Henry Clay settles vicious fantasy league dispute
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A debate that threatened to tear apart the very fabric of the Lindsay Lohan Fantasy Football Association has been narrowly averted, due to a tremendous compromise engineered [continue reading...]
Posted on December 20th, 2007
Vikings fined for having Adrian Peterson wear Chester Taylor’s uniform
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- It's been a year of deception in the NFL. Only months after the New England Patriots got the league's largest ever fine, the Minnesota Vikings received a [continue reading...]
Posted on December 10th, 2007
Manning throws four more picks while filming commercial
INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- Peyton Manning, who was recently bitten by the interception bug, threw four more picks today while attempting to complete a touchdown pass during the filming of a [continue reading...]
Posted on November 13th, 2007
Spencer from The Hills makes anti-fantasy football comments, solidifies title as ‘biggest douche ever’
HOLLYWOOD HILLS, CA -- Spencer Pratt, long established as the biggest douche in modern America, has reportedly clinched the title as biggest douche in human history after making a [continue reading...]
Posted on November 5th, 2007
Man spends entire commute telling wife about fantasy football issues
ALEXANDRIA, VA -- Hollye Rawlins thought it would be nice to spend some quality time with her husband Dave Wednesday, so she offered to get ready a bit early and [continue reading...]
Posted on October 24th, 2007
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