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Eli Manning Archives
Entire NFL outsourced to Africa in cost-cutting move
NEW YORK, NY – Growing excitement stemming from the opening of training camps throughout the National Football League was overshadowed yesterday by the decidedly controversial decision to outsource the entire [continue reading...]
Posted on July 5th, 2008
Eli Manning still seething about MasterCard snub
NEW YORK, NY -- Even though it's been three years, Eli Manning is still very upset with MasterCard over an unintentional snub, and is plotting his revenge against the company. [continue reading...]
Posted on February 26th, 2008
Miami parade to honor Giants, ‘72 Dolphins
MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Department of City Planning has announced that on Friday, February 8 at noon there will be a parade – formally the "Reebok Still Perfect Parade" [continue reading...]
Posted on February 6th, 2008
Brady tired of beating Mannings
GLENDALE, AZ -- Tom Brady, usually unflappable leading up to important games, has shown uncharacteristic sensitivity to a number of issues as Super Bowl XLII approaches. In addition to admitting [continue reading...]
Posted on February 2nd, 2008
Peyton: Eli will wear Ring Sunday
PHOENIX, AZ -- Surprising the entire gathering of media and fans, Peyton Manning stepped out Friday when he predicted that his younger brother would be the second Manning to wear [continue reading...]
Posted on February 1st, 2008
Peyton Manning declares self “superior advertiser” to Brady
GLENDALE, AZ -- Peyton Manning came clean about his feelings toward Tom Brady's commercial endorsements today, announcing that he was "the superior advertiser." "I'm not talking about who's better at playing [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2008
Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime
GLENDALE, AZ -- This is not your father's Super Bowl. Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show – complete with countless dancers, multiple songs, fireworks, and the rest – Tom Petty [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2008
Cooper Manning: “I’d have four rings by now.”
MEMPHIS, TN -- Cooper Manning, the out-of-the-spotlight older brother of Peyton and Eli Manning, made a rare public statement Friday. "I'd have four Super Bowl rings by now," Cooper Manning said. [continue reading...]
Posted on January 27th, 2008
KGB ruins Buck’s attempt at “perfect broadcast”
GREEN BAY, WI -- In the flash of an instant, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila came firing around left end, summarily planting Eli Manning on his face and dashing Joe Buck's shot at [continue reading...]
Posted on January 22nd, 2008
Archie Manning buys tickets to wrong game
NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Archie Manning is out several thousand dollars after mistakenly buying plane and game tickets for this Sunday's game in Foxboro, Mass. Between the Patriots and Chargers, [continue reading...]
Posted on January 17th, 2008
Favre: Sunday’s game a “must-win”
GREEN BAY, WI -- Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has declared Sunday's game a "must-win" for the Packers. "Look, everyone knows that I play better in big games," [continue reading...]
Posted on January 16th, 2008
Peyton Manning experiencing really weird feelings toward brother Eli
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Peyton Manning reported this week that he’s feeling some really unusual feelings directed at his brother Eli, including some feelings that he’s never felt toward Eli before [continue reading...]
Posted on January 16th, 2008
Goodell: Redskins, Bears must both try to win
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Charting new territory even for himself, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has sent an urgent memo to both the Washington Redskins and the Chicago Bears on the morning [continue reading...]
Posted on December 6th, 2007
British crowd expected 10-foot men playing soccer against sea mammals
LONDON, ENGLAND -- Tens of thousands of British sports fans are demanding their money back after attending the Giants–Dolphins game on Sunday at Wembley stadium. Confusion arose when many of [continue reading...]
Posted on October 30th, 2007
Archie Manning implores reporters to consider exchange rate when evaluating Eli’s statistics
LONDON, ENGLAND -- After the New York Giants defeated the Miami Dolphins 13-10 on Sunday, former NFL quarterback Archie Manning implored reporters to consider the current exchange rate before they [continue reading...]
Posted on October 29th, 2007
Elizabeth Hasselbeck touts husband, brother-in-law
NEW YORK, NY -- Following the Arizona Cardinals signing of QB Tim Hasselbeck last week, Hasselbeck's wife and The View co-host proclaimed that the Hasselbeck brothers are "The New Mannings." [continue reading...]
Posted on October 24th, 2007
Manning sick of seeing self on TV
INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- You probably aren't counting, but Peyton Manning has appeared in only 17 commercials during this NFL season. This is a serious cutback from [continue reading...]
Posted on September 10th, 2007
Eli released from Mannings, Giants
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ -- For the last three years Eli Manning has been the quarterback of the New York Giants, and for three years Giants fans have been disappointed in [continue reading...]
Posted on March 28th, 2007
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