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David Stern Archives
Stern attributes dress code to increase in quality of crime
NEW YORK, NY -- When David Stern institutes the controversial NBA dress code a couple seasons ago, he never thought it would work this fast. "It's only been a couple [continue reading...]
Posted on November 19th, 2008
SEC decides Cuban’s punishment: he must purchase the Chicago Cubs
NEW YORK, NY -- In what will stand forever as a unique example of professional sports leagues and the federal government cooperating, a committee convened by the SEC, MLB and [continue reading...]
Posted on November 19th, 2008
Cuban confused NBA with real-life, lawyers assert
DALLAS, TX—Controversial Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was indicted yesterday by the Securities and Exchange Commission yesterday after it was revealed Cuban sold 600,000 shares in Mamma.com after learning privately that [continue reading...]
Posted on November 18th, 2008
Detroit Shock wins third consecutive WNBA title, according to eyewitness account
DETROIT, MI—The WNBA, long believed to have gone the way of the dodo and the XFL, has been the subject of intense underground rumors of late, specifically concerning the legendary [continue reading...]
Posted on September 30th, 2008
Josh Howard refuses to bow to Queen of England
LONDON, ENGLAND—Dallas Mavericks Small forward Josh Howard found himself embroiled in yet another controversy yesterday during a team trip to the United Kingdom. The Mavericks had the honor of meeting [continue reading...]
Posted on September 25th, 2008
David Stern stunned to learn the Sonics are moving to Oklahoma City
NEW YORK, NY -- Everything was going fine for NBA commissioner David Stern on Sunday morning, until a weird turn of the internet ruined his day. "I was just scrolling through [continue reading...]
Posted on July 6th, 2008
Shaq claims skewed media coverage of freestyle rap
NEW YORK CITY, NY – In the wake of causing a major stir with by apparently dissing Kobe Bryant in a freestyle rap at a New York club, Shaquille O'Neal [continue reading...]
Posted on June 24th, 2008
NBA announces hiring of WWE refs
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Following the exciting Finals series between the league's two most decorated franchises and the startling revelations by disgraced former referee Tim Donaghy, NBA Commissioner David [continue reading...]
Posted on June 19th, 2008
Bulls lobbying NBA for more time
CHICAGO, IL -- With a little more than a week left until the 2008 NBA Draft, indications are that the Chicago Bulls are in full-fledged panic mode. A source with [continue reading...]
Posted on June 18th, 2008
Stern maintains no criminal acts by NBA referees
LOS ANGELES, CA -- In an apparent attempt to silence critics in the wake of game-fixing allegations leveled by former referee Tim Donaghy, NBA commissioner David Stern addressed the media [continue reading...]
Posted on June 15th, 2008
Electronic Arts announces recall, delayed release of NBA Live ‘09
REDWOOD CITY, CA -- Electronic Arts, maker of the EA Sports line of video games, announced today that they are pushing back the release of this year's version of their [continue reading...]
Posted on June 12th, 2008
Stern to Spurs: no conspiracy, just evened numbered year
BOSTON, MA -- NBA Commissioner David Stern released a statement today in response to mounting criticism that the outcome of the NBA Western Conference Finals was fixed. In it he [continue reading...]
Posted on June 5th, 2008
Wallace T’d up at breakfast, suspended for Game 6
BOSTON, MA -- A 3-2 deficit in the Eastern Conference Finals was already going to be tough for the Detroit Pistons to overcome, but this morning it got a lot [continue reading...]
Posted on May 29th, 2008
Stern denies funny business in Draft Lottery
CHICAGO, IL -- After the Chicago Bulls' unlikely acquisition of the first overall pick in Tuesday night's NBA Draft Lottery, conspiracy theories have been shouted from the rooftops in Miami, [continue reading...]
Posted on May 21st, 2008
Cuban loses control, fires self
DALLAS, TX -- When he arrived at work on the morning after his Mavericks team's second straight first-round exit from the NBA playoffs, Mark Cuban was on a rampage – [continue reading...]
Posted on April 30th, 2008
Cuban trying to reverse Kidd trade before Game Five
NEW ORLEANS, LA -- A source within the Dallas Mavericks organization has confirmed that owner Mark Cuban is attempting to undo the much-ballyhooed trade for point guard Jason Kidd, "hopefully [continue reading...]
Posted on April 29th, 2008
Wizards win “Gayest Name in NBA” again
WASHINGTON, DC -- For the fifth consecutive year, the Washington Wizards have won the "Gayest Name in the NBA" award, league sources have told SSNN. The selection will become official [continue reading...]
Posted on April 28th, 2008
Eastern Conference teams vote to give playoff spots to West
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- In an unprecedented move, players on NBA teams from the Eastern Conference have decided to give up two of their eight playoff spots to Western [continue reading...]
Posted on April 9th, 2008
Elderly secretary’s confusion lands Lopez brothers at top of WNBA draft boards
PALO ALTO, CA -- An elderly secretary's confusion could cost Stanford's "Twin Towers" – Brook and Robin Lopez – millions of dollars. After declaring for the draft and signing with [continue reading...]
Posted on April 2nd, 2008
Stern creating new postseason tournament
MEMPHIS, TN -- The Memphis Grizzlies have not won a single playoff game in their franchise's history. Since 2001, the New York Knicks have had a losing record every season [continue reading...]
Posted on March 21st, 2008
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