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David Ortiz Archives

Ramirez plans to become gay porn star

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Looking to capitalize on his new locale, Manny Ramirez told SSNN he is hoping to get into the gay porn industry. The latest addition to the Los Angeles [continue reading...]

Posted on August 4th, 2008

Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls

BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008

Construction workers find Schilling buried under new Yankee Stadium

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Having previously excavated a David Ortiz jersey from the bowels of the new Yankee stadium, construction workers on Sunday discovered another artifact placed there for [continue reading...]

Posted on April 14th, 2008

Riding high, Red Sox now refuse to travel to New York

TOKYO, JAPAN -- Fresh off Wednesday's successful boycott, which forced Major League Baseball to compensate Boston's coaches and staff for their trip to Japan, the Boston Red Sox are now [continue reading...]

Posted on March 22nd, 2008

BoSox trade Crisp for Lucky Charms

BOSTON, MA -- After weeks of speculation about whether he could reclaim his job as Red Sox center fielder from Jacoby Ellsbury, Coco Crisp was traded today to the Baltimore [continue reading...]

Posted on February 28th, 2008

Occultist worried third Boston World Series could wake the Babe

BRONX, NY -- Arnold Pencarne, an occult/memorabilia expert from the Bronx area, claims that if the Red Sox break the Curse of the Bambino a third time, it could result [continue reading...]

Posted on November 7th, 2007

Red Sox team bus made last-second stop at Sports Authority in Denver

DENVER, CO -- Local citizens at one of Denver's Sports Authority locations were treated to a surprise visit from the Boston Red Sox Saturday morning, as the team had to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 28th, 2007

Youkilis blasts anti-semitism as the reason for demotion

DENVER, CO -- Boston Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis is in talks with the Anti-Defamation League about a possible lawsuit against his employer, after he was informed that he [continue reading...]

Posted on October 27th, 2007

Crisp changes name

BOSTON, MA -- It's not unheard of for a professional athlete to change their name during their career. NBA Hall of Famer Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was Lew Alcindor at UCLA, and [continue reading...]

Posted on April 18th, 2007

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