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Danny Ainge Archives

Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls

BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008

Celtics offer thanks to Atlanta for exhibition games

BOSTON, MA -- In a class move by a class franchise, the entire Boston Celtics organization held a press conference early Thursday to thank the Atlanta Hawks for the past [continue reading...]

Posted on April 24th, 2008

Celtics sign E.T. to make Cassell comfortable

BOSTON, MA -- In an effort to bolster their depth at guard, the Boston Celtics signed Sam Cassell on Tuesday, less than a week after he was waived by the [continue reading...]

Posted on March 5th, 2008

Boston sports fans confident apocalypse is near

BOSTON, MA -- The recent success of Boston sports teams has led many Bostonians to speculate that the apocalypse is near. "Oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely," Boston sports fan, Bert McNulty told SSNN. [continue reading...]

Posted on November 13th, 2007

Celtics explore trade possibilities

BOSTON, MA -- Boston Celtics General Manager Danny Ainge is getting a bit squirrelly. Ever since the Celtics' worst-case scenario played itself out before his beady, vacant eyes at the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 2nd, 2007

Culpepper blocks trade to Celtics

MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Dolphins had been on the verge of trading disgruntled quarterback Daunte Culpepper to the Boston Celtics for nearly a week. Serious talks were thwarted after [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2007

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