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Brett Favre |New Curse

contracts Archives

Typo caused Furcal to sign three-year, $30 deal

LOS ANGELES, CA -- A month after signing his new free agent deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers, Rafael Furcal has made a startling and troubling discovery. "I finally got my [continue reading...]

Posted on January 20th, 2009

Suddenly feeling very poor, Jeter mails in gold gloves to be melted down for extra cash

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After watching his team commit a total of more than $420 million to free agents in the offseason, New York Yankees stalwart captain and shortstop [continue reading...]

Posted on January 9th, 2009

2008 Top 20, #9: Rodgers offers to not play for only $15 million

GREEN BAY, WI -- After yesterday's reports that the Green Bay Packers offered erstwhile QB Brett Favre as much as $20 million to stay retired, the Pack's quarterback debacle has [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

Rodgers offers to not play for only $15 million

GREEN BAY, WI -- After yesterday's reports that the Green Bay Packers offered erstwhile QB Brett Favre as much as $20 million to stay retired, the Pack's quarterback debacle has [continue reading...]

Posted on July 31st, 2008

Entire NFL outsourced to Africa in cost-cutting move

NEW YORK, NY – Growing excitement stemming from the opening of training camps throughout the National Football League was overshadowed yesterday by the decidedly controversial decision to outsource the entire [continue reading...]

Posted on July 5th, 2008

Favre accidentaly signs with Dolphins while completing routine paperwork

GREEN BAY, WI -- While filling out paperwork that should have officially concluded his career with the Green Bay Packers, Brett Favre inadvertently signed his name in the wrong place [continue reading...]

Posted on March 27th, 2008

Henry Clay settles vicious fantasy league dispute

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A debate that threatened to tear apart the very fabric of the Lindsay Lohan Fantasy Football Association has been narrowly averted, due to a tremendous compromise engineered [continue reading...]

Posted on December 20th, 2007

A-Rod finalizes deal with Yankees for $252M, Montana

NEW YORK, NY -- Alex Rodriquez cemented his place, at least for now, in sports history as the highest paid contracted player in any sport when he finalized terms of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 18th, 2007

Jones’ contract may include lifetime supply of Dodger Dogs

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Super agent Scott Boras has steadfastly denied a rumor claiming that client Andruw Jones signed with the Dodgers for a lifetime's worth of Dodger Stadium's famous [continue reading...]

Posted on December 9th, 2007

New “deal” forces Rodriguez family to tighten purse strings

NEW YORK, NY -- Alex Rodriguez's desire to stay with the New York Yankees with a new, 10-year, $280 million contract has forced his family to make some tough choices [continue reading...]

Posted on November 26th, 2007

Torre: Dodgers may go after A-Rod, Jeter, Giambi, Rivera, Posada, Mientkievicz, Cano, Mussina, Matsui, Cabrera, Abreu and others

LOS ANGELES, CA -- New Dodgers manager Joe Torre reported today that the Dodgers are considering signing Alex Rodriguez to a record contract, and that he's also submitted a "wish [continue reading...]

Posted on November 10th, 2007

Schilling’s contract contains unusual incentives

BOSTON, MA -- Curt Schilling's incentive laden contract includes a two million dollar bonus if the burly pitcher will shut down his blog in time for the 2008 season, and [continue reading...]

Posted on November 7th, 2007

Romo’s new contract requires him to sleep with Wade Phillips’ wife

DALLAS, TX -- The Dallas Cowboys agreed to a $67.5 million, six-year contract extension with quarterback Tony Romo this week. While the amount Romo stands to earn raised eyebrows around [continue reading...]

Posted on November 5th, 2007

Scott Boras announces Corey Patterson signing during sex with wife

BALTIMORE, MD -- During a romantic sexual interlude with his wife Jeanette last night, baseball super-agent Scott Boras announced that free agent Corey Patterson agreed to a 1 year, $4.3 [continue reading...]

Posted on November 1st, 2007

A-Rod goes trick-or-treating as Aramis Ramirez; focuses primarily on Lou Piniella’s house

TAMPA, FL -- Alex Rodriguez took his unorthodox free agency to a new level today, as he went trick-or-treating for four hours in Tampa, Florida, focusing for the most part [continue reading...]

Posted on October 31st, 2007

A-Rod offers one-year deals, performance incentives to service-industry workers

BRONX, NY -- Alex Rodriguez, citing what he states is a "brilliant, performance-based standard," is beginning to offer everyone he knows one-year, incentive-heavy deals to continue in their current roles. [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2007

Cubs, Curse reach agreement on extension

The Chicago Cubs announced today that they have reached a 99-year, $99 million extension with the Curse. The Curse's contract was due to expire after this season and it [continue reading...]

Posted on February 14th, 2007

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