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Cleveland Browns Archives

Cardinals move up to seventh in ESPN’s latest power rankings

BRISTOL, CT -- Sunday's release of the ESPN.com's latest NFL power rankings saw the Arizona Cardinals make a big jump to seventh, while the Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings took [continue reading...]

Posted on January 25th, 2009

Brady Quinn voted NFL’s “prettiest player” for tenth week in a row

CLEVELAND, OH -- Brady Quinn's good fortune is continuing. Days after leading the Cleveland Browns to a win for his first NFL win, Quinn was voted as the NFL's prettiest [continue reading...]

Posted on November 20th, 2008

ARCHIVES: Brady Quinn receiving special protection from Joe Thomas

Enjoy this encore presentation of a classic SSNN piece. CLEVELAND, OH -- Cleveland Browns left tackle Joe Thomas has taken some unusual steps to protect rookie quarterback Brady Quinn this preseason. Thomas [continue reading...]

Posted on November 16th, 2008

Browns players suffering as groupies refuse sexual favors due to locker room conditions

CLEVELAND, OH -- As the controversy surrounding the conditions in the Cleveland Browns locker room continues to fester, several Browns players have noted that the stigma is starting to hit [continue reading...]

Posted on October 30th, 2008

Derek Anderson settles vendetta against fan, will resume being a good quarterback

CLEVELAND, OH -- An irate and perhaps overly sensitive Derek Anderson has informed SSNN that he has completed his vendetta against fantasy football fanatic Nathan Zimmerman, and that the Cleveland [continue reading...]

Posted on October 16th, 2008

Thomas absolutely wrecking Edwards in WordTwist on Facebook

CLEVELAND, OH -- Joe Thomas has a broken heart, but it's slowly healing. Although Thomas, an avid user of Facebook, contends that the loss of the Scrabulous application is an "utter [continue reading...]

Posted on August 29th, 2008

Walker selected in fourth and seventh rounds of draft

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- More than twenty years has passed since Herschel Walker was drafted by the Dallas Cowboys in the fifth round of the 1985 NFL Draft. But [continue reading...]

Posted on April 28th, 2008

Joe Thomas has an enormous vocabulary

CLEVELAND, OH -- Reports from Cleveland indicate that rookie left tackle Joe Thomas has received widespread acclaim throughout the Browns organization, not just for his pancake blocks and solid pass [continue reading...]

Posted on November 26th, 2007

Derek Anderson has had “The Mighty Quinn” stuck in his head for weeks

CLEVELAND, OH -- Derek Anderson is barely able to sleep or think straight these days after three solid weeks with the Bob Dylan hit "The Mighty Quinn" stuck firmly in [continue reading...]

Posted on October 13th, 2007

Carson Palmer’s fantasy team puts up second-highest point total of week, loses

CINCINNATI, OH -- Carson Palmer fell victim to the bane of every fantasy footballer's existence Sunday when his team, Mr. October Gonzalez, scored 142.49 points, second highest total in his [continue reading...]

Posted on September 18th, 2007

Goodell praises Browns, Bengals for ingenuity

CLEVELAND, OH -- Both the victorious Cleveland Browns and the losing Cincinnati Bengals received phone calls of praise from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell following Sunday's 51-45 shootout. "At first, when I [continue reading...]

Posted on September 17th, 2007

Charlie Frye traded for basket of fries

CLEVELAND AND SEATTLE -- In a shocking development, the Cleveland Browns have traded quarterback Charlie Frye to the Seattle Seahawks in exchange for a large basket of french fries. "Once in [continue reading...]

Posted on September 12th, 2007

Brady Quinn receiving special protection from Joe Thomas

CLEVELAND, OH -- Cleveland Browns left tackle Joe Thomas has taken some unusual steps to protect rookie quarterback Brady Quinn this preseason. Thomas has been spotted carrying Quinn around in his [continue reading...]

Posted on August 31st, 2007

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