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Cincinnati Bengals Archives

Ocho Cinco says willingness to be deactivated shows he’s a team player

CINCINNATI, OH -- On the day when his commitment to football and the Bengals might have been called into the most question, Chad Ocho Cinco was adamant that he'd actually [continue reading...]

Posted on November 24th, 2008

Following tie, Andy Reid seen making out with sister

PHILADELPHIA, PA — The City of Brotherly Love took a disturbing and literal turn today, when Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid was spotted making out with his sister on Broad [continue reading...]

Posted on November 23rd, 2008

McNabb makes startling admission, then announces candidacy for President of the United States in 2012

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Sunday's post-game presser following the Philadelphia Eagles' 13-13 tie was a shocking one in Philly, to be sure, with almost all of the action centered around quarterback [continue reading...]

Posted on November 18th, 2008

Evan Royster preparing to be a horrible, god-awful, embarrassment as a pro

STATE COLLEGE, PA -- Penn State running back Evan Royster is having a terrific sophomore season, and it's only natural to begin to think about the transition from Saturdays to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2008

Palin’s clothing spree includes $84,000 worth of Chad Johnson jerseys

CINCINNATI, OH -- Many were outraged this week when it was discovered the GOP vice presidential nominee had spent $150,000 on new clothing since her selection to the ticket. However, all [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2008

Johnson injures mouth, mute 3-4 weeks

Ocho Cinco might not be able to talk, but he can still look good.

CINCINNATI, OH -- Cincinnati Bengals' publicity-seeking star wideout Chad Johnson severely burned his tongue and lips on what is being called "a particularly hot papaya" before his team's preseason game [continue reading...]

Posted on August 20th, 2008

Bengals hope to sign most of Georgia football team

CINCINNATI, OH -- The Cincinnati Bengals have turned the full resources of their scouting department toward Georgia, especially two members of the state university's football team who were removed during [continue reading...]

Posted on August 11th, 2008

Johnson admits he just doesn’t know how to tie his shoes

Chad is glad to be back with the Bengals

CINCINNATI, OH -- Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson finally showed up at Bengals headquarters last week to participate in the team's "optional" mini-camp, but things were not all rosy [continue reading...]

Posted on June 15th, 2008

Chad Johnson requests trade to Dallas

CINCINNATI, OH -- In yet another twist to the epic drama that is Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson, the disgruntled star has named the team he wants to be [continue reading...]

Posted on April 25th, 2008

Johnson surprised to learn cheerleader he proposed to leaving Bengals

CINCINNATI, OH -- After being blindsided last week by the news that fellow Bengal receiver Chris Henry had been released by the team following the latest in his long string [continue reading...]

Posted on April 9th, 2008

Steelers linebacker James Harrison sentenced to 5-10 years with Cincinnati Bengals pending parole

CINCINNATI, OH -- Despite emotional pleas for leniency from his family, Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison was sentenced to 5-10 years of hard labor with the Cincinnati Bengals after pleading [continue reading...]

Posted on March 23rd, 2008

Spitzer resigns from office, declares for NFL draft

ALBANY, NY -- Elliot Spitzer has resigned from office as governor of the State of New York, and has declared himself eligible for the NFL draft, where he is expected [continue reading...]

Posted on March 10th, 2008

Disgruntled Ocho Cinco to help team, involve governor in celebration

CINCINNATI, OH -- After not-so-subtly campaigning for a trade up and down press row at Super Bowl XLII, Chad Johnson was none too pleased to wake up on the Monday [continue reading...]

Posted on February 11th, 2008

Patriot System makes starters almost unnecessary

BOSTON, MA -- Several days after their complete destruction of the Cincinnati Bengals on Monday Night Football, the New England Patriots made a stunning announcement today. [continue reading...]

Posted on October 4th, 2007

Carson Palmer’s fantasy team puts up second-highest point total of week, loses

CINCINNATI, OH -- Carson Palmer fell victim to the bane of every fantasy footballer's existence Sunday when his team, Mr. October Gonzalez, scored 142.49 points, second highest total in his [continue reading...]

Posted on September 18th, 2007

Goodell praises Browns, Bengals for ingenuity

CLEVELAND, OH -- Both the victorious Cleveland Browns and the losing Cincinnati Bengals received phone calls of praise from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell following Sunday's 51-45 shootout. "At first, when I [continue reading...]

Posted on September 17th, 2007

Pacman tops Bengals’ “most wanted” list

CINCINNATI, OH -- The Cincinnati Bengals have yet to make a significant move this off-season, and aren’t expected to make any huge splashes in the free agent market. Still, there is [continue reading...]

Posted on March 14th, 2007

Dontrelle Willis traded to Bengals

MIAMI, FL -- Superstar pitcher-turned quarterback Dontrelle Willis has been traded to the Cincinnati Bengals, and will start for the AFC Central squad this Sunday, pending completion of a physical [continue reading...]

Posted on December 22nd, 2006