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Chris Berman Archives

Pennington to Reed “the new Marino to Clayton”

MIAMI, FL—In the wake of their disappointing 27-9 loss to the Ravens on Sunday, Dolphin fans were left with the consolation of having the biggest turnaround season in NFL history, [continue reading...]

Posted on January 5th, 2009

INS raids ESPN Deportes

BRISTOL, CT—I.N.S. officials conducted a raid on ESPN’s sister company ESPN Deportes late yesterday afternoon, acting on an anonymous tip that the company was employing illegal aliens. Two dozen employees [continue reading...]

Posted on October 15th, 2008

ESPN unveils latest summer gimmick: “Who’s Porno Hot?”

BRISTOL, CT – Sports fans often dread the news wasteland that is the month of July; the NBA and NHL Finals are over, the NFL has yet to start training [continue reading...]

Posted on July 2nd, 2008

ESPN shuts down after running out of hair care products

BRISTOL, CT – Though it may often seem that nothing can stop the sports television juggernaut that is ESPN, the network was forced to shut down for several hours yesterday [continue reading...]

Posted on May 28th, 2008

Berman family regrets letting Chris deliver eulogy

NEW YORK -- The family of famed ESPN broadcaster Chris Berman is still reeling from a shocking, profanity-laced rant he delivered during the eulogy of his Aunt Jane on Sunday. [continue reading...]

Posted on March 26th, 2008

Berman: “Me or the Internet”

BRISTOL, CT -- ESPN is scrambling today after a fiery Chris Berman told executives that he was thinking about leaving his post with the company after nearly 30 years. "At [continue reading...]

Posted on February 25th, 2008

One of a series of Chris Berman outtakes

Posted on February 11th, 2008

Salisbury suspended for continued abuse of Clayton

BRISTOL, CT -- Sean Salisbury has been suspended indefinitely by ESPN after the former NFL backup quarterback had an altercation with fellow NFL analyst John Clayton last week. Moments after [continue reading...]

Posted on December 5th, 2007

Berman proclaims latest nickname best of year

BRISTOL, CT -- Chris Berman was allegedly "unbearable to be around" Tuesday after coming up with what he deemed the "Nickname of the Year." The nickname was Joba "the Hut" [continue reading...]

Posted on August 15th, 2007

ESPN to televise Brady baby’s arrival

BRISTOL, CT -- ESPN announced Thursday that the website will air the birth of the lovechild of Patriots QB Tom Brady and actress Bridget Moynahan. The sports giant added that [continue reading...]

Posted on May 31st, 2007

SportsCenter format changes nixed

BRISTOL, CT -- After months of now-wasted preparation, ESPN has decided against proposed changes to SportsCenter, their daily staple that changed the way sports news is presented. The all-sports network [continue reading...]

Posted on May 28th, 2007

Rip in space-time continuum wreaks havoc on ESPN family of networks

BRISTOL, CT -- After an unidentified natural disaster that even Bill Walton described as "really trippy," ESPN Studios was thrown into upheaval by an apparent tear in the fabric of [continue reading...]

Posted on February 18th, 2007

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