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China Archives

2008 Year in Review, #2: Bob Costas is so fucking stoked right now that you have no idea

BEIJING, CHINA -- Bob Costas is so goddamn excited right now that he's fucking freaking out, dude. "I'm fuckin' flippin' my shit here, B," Costas told SSNN. "I mean I'm [continue reading...]

Posted on December 31st, 2008

2012 London Olympics to be made in China

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND - In a only semi-shocking announcement, IOC President Jacque Rogge announced that while the "2012 Olympics would be held in London, they would be 100% Made in China." Rogge [continue reading...]

Posted on November 21st, 2008

Anthony on China: Everyone is talking “crazy talk”

BEIJING, CHINA -- Carmelo Anthony called his family Tuesday and reported that "everyone in China be talkin' crazy talk," SSNN has learned. "Everyone here speaks gobbledeegoop and bananamannah," Anthony reportedly said. [continue reading...]

Posted on August 20th, 2008

Singing Chinese girl revealed to be computer generated

BEIJING, CHINA -- Chinese government officials sent shockwaves through the international community this morning when they revealed that the nine-year-old girl who sang at the 2008 Olympic Opening Ceremony was [continue reading...]

Posted on August 13th, 2008

Beijing anti-smog plan calls for giant oil-burning torch

BEIJING, CHINA -- The intense piece of public policy that is allowing Beijing to drastically reduce its levels of smog in time for the Olympics will come to a head [continue reading...]

Posted on August 8th, 2008

Bob Costas is so fucking stoked right now that you have no idea

BEIJING, CHINA -- Bob Costas is so goddamn excited right now that he's fucking freaking out, dude. "I'm fuckin' flippin' my shit here, B," Costas told SSNN. "I mean I'm [continue reading...]

Posted on August 8th, 2008

Steroid supplier planning to boycott Olympics

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Deeply troubled by various human rights violations committed by China, steroids supplier Darrin McReady has said that he will not supply Olympic athletes with illegal [continue reading...]

Posted on April 12th, 2008

Olympic torch dropped into San Francisco Bay

SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- In spite of protests and attempts to extinguish it, the Olympic torch had somehow survived its perilous trek across Europe and North America. That was before [continue reading...]

Posted on April 9th, 2008

IOC to move games to American heartland

LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND -- The International Olympic Committee announced from its headquarters Tuesday that a number of high-ranking members, including President Jacques Rogge, have unanimously voted to remove the upcoming Olympic [continue reading...]

Posted on March 19th, 2008

Yao tired of watching, chasing Hollywood dream

HOUSTON, TX -- Apparently the Houston Rockets' run at a number one seed in the Western Conference playoffs and basketball history simply won't suffice for oft-injured Yao Ming. The seven-footer [continue reading...]

Posted on March 14th, 2008

China, Milwaukee agree to terms

MILWAUKEE, WI -- After initial hesitation amongst Yi Jianlin and his representatives, the Chinese government and the City of Milwaukee have reached an agreement that benefits all parties involved. According [continue reading...]

Posted on July 13th, 2007

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