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Cedric Benson Archives

Benson to enroll in flight school after latest arrest, release from Bears

AUSTIN, TX -- Though Cedric Benson's two alcohol-related arrests this summer led to his being cut from the Chicago Bears, they have not diminished his desire to succeed. "Like I've told [continue reading...]

Posted on June 10th, 2008

Man arrested for sending threatening letters to NFL players

ORLANDO, FL -- A Florida man was arrested yesterday in Orlando after being identified as the sender of multiple menacing letters to approximately twenty NFL players – including Reggie Bush, [continue reading...]

Posted on May 13th, 2008

Benson says arrest is part of training program

AUSTIN, TX -- Chicago Bears running back Cedric Benson says his recent arrest in Texas is [continue reading...]

Posted on May 7th, 2008

Clemens issues denial of future allegations

HOUSTON, TX -- Roger Clemens and his attorneys issued a statement today in which the fallen star denied any and all future allegations that may be made against him. Clemens – [continue reading...]

Posted on May 7th, 2008

Cops say Benson is surprisingly easy to take down

AUSTIN, TX -- When Chicago Bears running back Cedric Benson was arrested for driving his boat on an Austin, Texas lake, police say they were surprised by how easily the [continue reading...]

Posted on May 6th, 2008

Peterson expects to play Sunday despite leg amputation

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- The Vikings have yet to rule out star running back Adrian Peterson for Sunday's game, despite reports that the rookie will likely have his injured leg amputated. [continue reading...]

Posted on November 14th, 2007

Spencer from The Hills makes anti-fantasy football comments, solidifies title as ‘biggest douche ever’

HOLLYWOOD HILLS, CA -- Spencer Pratt, long established as the biggest douche in modern America, has reportedly clinched the title as biggest douche in human history after making a [continue reading...]

Posted on November 5th, 2007

NFL rejects Bears’ petition requesting bionic legs for Brown

CHICAGO, IL -- The NFL announced Tuesday that they have rejected a petition by the Chicago Bears to allow safety Mike Brown to play football with bionic legs. Though Commissioner [continue reading...]

Posted on September 29th, 2007

17,000 morons realize they had wrong Adrian Peterson

USA -- Thousands of complete morons checked their fantasy teams with expectant glee Sunday afternoon, only to realize that they'd drafted or picked up the wrong Adrian Peterson, [continue reading...]

Posted on September 12th, 2007

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