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Carson Palmer Archives

Ocho Cinco says willingness to be deactivated shows he’s a team player

CINCINNATI, OH -- On the day when his commitment to football and the Bengals might have been called into the most question, Chad Ocho Cinco was adamant that he'd actually [continue reading...]

Posted on November 24th, 2008

Matt Cassel prays science experiment ends world before Sunday

FOXBORO, MA—Newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel has begun to pray that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment in Geneva, Switzerland induces a cataclysmic reaction and ending all life on [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2008

Johnson injures mouth, mute 3-4 weeks

CINCINNATI, OH -- Cincinnati Bengals' publicity-seeking star wideout Chad Johnson severely burned his tongue and lips on what is being called "a particularly hot papaya" before his team's preseason game [continue reading...]

Posted on August 20th, 2008

Johnson admits he just doesn’t know how to tie his shoes

CINCINNATI, OH -- Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson finally showed up at Bengals headquarters last week to participate in the team's "optional" mini-camp, but things were not all rosy [continue reading...]

Posted on June 15th, 2008

Carson Palmer’s fantasy team puts up second-highest point total of week, loses

CINCINNATI, OH -- Carson Palmer fell victim to the bane of every fantasy footballer's existence Sunday when his team, Mr. October Gonzalez, scored 142.49 points, second highest total in his [continue reading...]

Posted on September 18th, 2007

Goodell praises Browns, Bengals for ingenuity

CLEVELAND, OH -- Both the victorious Cleveland Browns and the losing Cincinnati Bengals received phone calls of praise from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell following Sunday's 51-45 shootout. "At first, when I [continue reading...]

Posted on September 17th, 2007

Dontrelle Willis traded to Bengals

MIAMI, FL -- Superstar pitcher-turned quarterback Dontrelle Willis has been traded to the Cincinnati Bengals, and will start for the AFC Central squad this Sunday, pending completion of a physical [continue reading...]

Posted on December 22nd, 2006

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