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Bud Selig Archives

American public still under impression baseball players of old wouldn’t have used steroids

NEW YORK, NY—A recent poll conducted by Major League Baseball and ESPN in the wake of the firestorm of controversy following Alex Rodriguez’s admission of steroid use during his [continue reading...]

Posted on February 12th, 2009

Tell-all book reveals McGwire took steroids, had facial hair, played for Cardinals

ST. LOUIS -- A tell-all book by controversial slugger Mark McGwire’s estranged brother Jay is being met with interest by the sporting world thanks to the revelation that the book [continue reading...]

Posted on January 24th, 2009

Yankees sign Santa Claus to a 10-year, $210M deal; still get no presents

NEW YORK, NY -- Continuing their off-season spending spree, the Yankees nabbed two big-name free agents yesterday, first baseman Mark Teixeira, and North Pole resident Santa Claus. Though Teixeira’s 8-year [continue reading...]

Posted on December 25th, 2008

Obama to spend entire day Friday giving sports advice to others

WASHINGTON, DC -- President-elect Barack Obama is spending Friday working on helping out the nation's sporting scene by blasting out free and unsolicited advice to various leagues, teams and athletes. [continue reading...]

Posted on November 21st, 2008

SEC decides Cuban’s punishment: he must purchase the Chicago Cubs

NEW YORK, NY -- In what will stand forever as a unique example of professional sports leagues and the federal government cooperating, a committee convened by the SEC, MLB and [continue reading...]

Posted on November 19th, 2008

Rays ask MLB to refund costs of non-refundable plane tickets

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The Tampa Bay Rays have made an unusual request to Major League Baseball today, asking Bud Selig if they can have the cost of 50 non-refundable plane [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2008

Selig formally thanks Hamels for not stopping the rain

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Bud Selig was moments away from yet another career-defining disaster, but Cole Hamels intervened and saved the day. As Selig sat fretting that the World Series would end [continue reading...]

Posted on October 28th, 2008

Rays forfeit first game of World Series

TAMPA BAY, FL -- In an unusual move, the Tampa Bay Rays have officially forfeited the first game of the 2008 World Series, under the provision that Phillies pitcher Cole [continue reading...]

Posted on October 20th, 2008

Rays heading to Tampa for game one of World Series anyway

TAMPA BAY, FL -- The Tampa Bay Rays flew home early this morning, celebrating as they plan on starting the World Series at home next Wednesday, even though they lost [continue reading...]

Posted on October 17th, 2008

Red Sox seek to be added to federal bailout

BOSTON -- Boston Red Sox owner John Henry announced today that he's very close to a deal with the U.S. Treasury in which the Boston Red Sox will be added [continue reading...]

Posted on October 15th, 2008

White Sox’ Ozzie Guillen proposes to “swap teams” with Twins’ Ron Gardenhire

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Following a crushing defeat in the third game of a three-game sweep that vaulted the Minnesota Twins into first place in the AL central, Ozzie Guillen made [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2008

Selig proposes plan to make things right with Astros

HOUSTON, MILWAUKEE, NEW YORK, and PHILADELPHIA -- Bud Selig, apparently feeling "really bad" after ruining the Astros season last week and then demonstrating a total and complete double standard this [continue reading...]

Posted on September 25th, 2008

Selig to Astros: “Stop complaining, or I’ll make you play the entire 2009 season in Montreal.”

HOUSTON, TX -- As many Houston Astros players and fans express their outrage at Bud Selig's decision to force the Astros to play two makeup "home games" in Milwaukee, Selig [continue reading...]

Posted on September 22nd, 2008

MLB mandates all players must speak Spanish

It’s a good thing he’s not a player, because Selig’s Spanish is pretty rusty

NEW YORK, NY -- In a unilateral move designed to improve the fluidity of the game, baseball commissioner Bud Selig has ruled that all players in Major League Baseball (hereafter [continue reading...]

Posted on August 29th, 2008

Ramirez only now realizes that the Dodgers didn’t give him number 69

Manny’s more upset over the lies than his new uniform number.

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Manny Ramirez looked at his uniform today and was stunned to realize that he'd been given the uniform number 99 instead of 69, which he had [continue reading...]

Posted on August 28th, 2008

Baseball owners want to use instant replay to review Selig hiring

If owners have their way, Selig’s hiring could be overturned by instant replay.

NEW YORK, NY -- As the professional baseball owners gather to consider instant replay, SSNN has learned that many of the owners are interested in using the technology to take [continue reading...]

Posted on August 19th, 2008

Dodgers to force Andruw Jones to take steroids

Even Andruw Jones can’t believe how much he sucks.

LOS ANGELES, CA -- In a controversial move, Dodgers General Manager Ned Colletti has issued an executive order requiring that Andruw Jones immediately begin taking a regiment of steroids. "I [continue reading...]

Posted on August 11th, 2008

Scratched DVD added to AL All-Stars

Selig doesn’t want to hear your whining - HE is the decider!

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- In a surprising turn of events, MLB has decided to add another roster player to the 2008 American League All-Star team. While most thought the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 10th, 2008

Changes in store for All-Star Game

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After a wildly popular voting session that boasted an all-time high 20 million votes, MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced today that there will be a [continue reading...]

Posted on July 7th, 2008

Twins defect to NL, lead West division by four games

Mauer spearheaded the Twins’ move to the NL West

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- In what has been called a daring midnight escape, the entire Minnesota Twins organization defected from the gray, dreary American League Central to the sunny climes of [continue reading...]

Posted on June 28th, 2008