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Boston Celtics Archives

Trail Blazers to League: Pick up Miles and we’re telling on you

PORTLAND, OR—The Portland Trail Blazers have issued the direst of warnings to its fellow 29 teams: sign Darius Miles and we are so telling on you. Miles, who November 2006 [continue reading...]

Posted on January 10th, 2009

Kiffin to quit as Vols coach: “My work here is almost done”

KNOXVILLE, TN -- Citing that he'd "accomplished everything [he] wanted to," Lane Kiffin announced this morning that he's resigning as coach of the Tennesse Volunteers football team after allegedly committing [continue reading...]

Posted on December 2nd, 2008

ARCHIVES — KG: “Facebook would be more fun if I had gone to college”

Enjoy this encore presentation of a classic SSNN piece. BOSTON, MA -- Though there have not been many occasions when he has regretted his decision of more than ten years ago, [continue reading...]

Posted on November 21st, 2008

34F looking for great NBA bloodlines

34 year-old F looking for tall, attractive offspring of NBA great. Does not necessarily need to be great himself. Must be willing to constantly defer to those around him. Rides [continue reading...]

Posted on October 10th, 2008

Boston sports fans gear up for hockey season

BOSTON, MA -- Just two days after beloved New England Patriots QB Tom Brady went down with a season ending torn ACL, Boston fans have already started looking to the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

Walton hospitalized following overdose on psychedelic albums

Walton, shown handling his psychedelic music – things did not go this well last night…

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Hall of Fame basketball player and current NBA analyst Bill Walton was hospitalized late Monday night in what early reports are calling a psychedelic overdose. Walton's [continue reading...]

Posted on July 1st, 2008

“Boston Madge” keeps championship train rolling through Boston

BOCA RATON, FL -- Titletown. Championship, MA. Boston, Massachusetts has enjoyed an embarrassment of sports riches recently – between the Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics, Boston has been home to [continue reading...]

Posted on June 25th, 2008

Pierce injures leg, unable to take out garbage

Pierce’s leg injury appears to be recurring

BOSTON, MA -- While Boston fans were celebrating their 17th NBA championship on Tuesday night, one of the key cogs from their latest championship squad was suffering déjà vu. Mere [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008

Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls

This isn’t exactly what Satan looks like, but it’s close

BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008

Celtics’ bandwagon collapses under immense weight

BOSTON, MA -- Tragedy struck the Celtics fan base today as the team's bandwagon suddenly collapsed beneath millions of people in green "BEAT LA" t-shirts. Thousands were injured, though no [continue reading...]

Posted on June 17th, 2008

Kobe demanding trade again after Game 4 loss

Kobe is going to make this face until he gets traded

LOS ANGELES, CA -- During a spectacular regular season that ended with the Lakers in the top spot in the Western Conference, and a playoff run that landed them in [continue reading...]

Posted on June 14th, 2008

Pierce says wheelchair is his normal mode of transportation

BOSTON, MA -- Boston Celtics forward Paul Pierce is downplaying the way his teammates carried him off the court, and his use of a wheelchair to get to the locker [continue reading...]

Posted on June 10th, 2008

Jackson, Lakers practice excuses

Phil Jackson’s not smug, he just knows more than you

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Los Angeles Lakers head coach Phil Jackson, along with his team, went to the Staples Center conference room for an interesting workout after Monday's practice in [continue reading...]

Posted on June 10th, 2008

Powe’s production no surprise to friends, teammates

Even Powe is surprised by his own efficiency

BOSTON, MA -- Undoubtedly one of the most surprising parts of the Celtics' 108-102 victory in Game 2 of the NBA finals was the performance of 24-year-old backup forward Leon [continue reading...]

Posted on June 9th, 2008

Bird, Magic emphasize they are not playing in this year’s Finals

Magic is definitely not playing in this series…

BOSTON, MA -- Citing the confusion generated by the media's non-stop references to their epic battles of the 1980s, NBA Hall-of-Famers Larry Bird and Magic Johnson issued a joint statement [continue reading...]

Posted on June 8th, 2008

Stern to Spurs: no conspiracy, just evened numbered year

BOSTON, MA -- NBA Commissioner David Stern released a statement today in response to mounting criticism that the outcome of the NBA Western Conference Finals was fixed. In it he [continue reading...]

Posted on June 5th, 2008

Celtics have “secret” weapon against Lakers

Hopefully Red’s cigar smoke won’t bother the players…

BOSTON, MA -- With his beloved Celtics facing the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA finals, the ghost of Red Auerbach held a press conference today to announce his intentions [continue reading...]

Posted on June 5th, 2008

Wallace T’d up at breakfast, suspended for Game 6

BOSTON, MA -- A 3-2 deficit in the Eastern Conference Finals was already going to be tough for the Detroit Pistons to overcome, but this morning it got a lot [continue reading...]

Posted on May 29th, 2008

Celtics attribute recent road woes to absence of Garnett nightlight, lucky blanket

BOSTON, MA -- Boston Celtics head coach Doc Rivers has remained mum on the reason for his team's highly suspect play on the road in the first two rounds of [continue reading...]

Posted on May 20th, 2008

Pierce, Garnett auditioning new members for “Big 3″

BOSTON, MA -- Up 2-0 on the Atlanta Hawks in their first round playoff series, and with many fans predicting a championship run, everything would appear to be perfect for [continue reading...]

Posted on April 25th, 2008