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Boston Archives

ARCHIVES — KG: “Facebook would be more fun if I had gone to college”

Enjoy this encore presentation of a classic SSNN piece. BOSTON, MA -- Though there have not been many occasions when he has regretted his decision of more than ten years ago, [continue reading...]

Posted on November 21st, 2008

Boston sports fans gear up for hockey season

BOSTON, MA -- Just two days after beloved New England Patriots QB Tom Brady went down with a season ending torn ACL, Boston fans have already started looking to the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

“Boston Madge” keeps championship train rolling through Boston

BOCA RATON, FL -- Titletown. Championship, MA. Boston, Massachusetts has enjoyed an embarrassment of sports riches recently – between the Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics, Boston has been home to [continue reading...]

Posted on June 25th, 2008

Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls

This isn’t exactly what Satan looks like, but it’s close

BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008

Celtics’ bandwagon collapses under immense weight

BOSTON, MA -- Tragedy struck the Celtics fan base today as the team's bandwagon suddenly collapsed beneath millions of people in green "BEAT LA" t-shirts. Thousands were injured, though no [continue reading...]

Posted on June 17th, 2008

Wallace T’d up at breakfast, suspended for Game 6

BOSTON, MA -- A 3-2 deficit in the Eastern Conference Finals was already going to be tough for the Detroit Pistons to overcome, but this morning it got a lot [continue reading...]

Posted on May 29th, 2008

Bill James’ head explodes; reveals he was a Cyborg

BOSTON, MA -- Sabermetric analysis is the use of statistics to help analyze the game of baseball. It is a tool for talent evaluators to better understand the skill set [continue reading...]

Posted on April 6th, 2008

Celtics beat Knicks by 45; Boston fans disgusted

BOSTON, MA -- The Boston Celtics, wanting to make a statement about their ability to contend in the NBA East this year, narrowly beat the New York Knicks by 45 [continue reading...]

Posted on November 30th, 2007

KG: “Facebook would be more fun if I had gone to college”

BOSTON, MA -- Though there have not been many occasions when he has regretted his decision of more than ten years ago, Kevin Garnett has recently admitted that he has [continue reading...]

Posted on November 18th, 2007

Boston sports fans confident apocalypse is near

BOSTON, MA -- The recent success of Boston sports teams has led many Bostonians to speculate that the apocalypse is near. "Oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely," Boston sports fan, Bert McNulty told SSNN. [continue reading...]

Posted on November 13th, 2007

Schilling’s contract contains unusual incentives

BOSTON, MA -- Curt Schilling's incentive laden contract includes a two million dollar bonus if the burly pitcher will shut down his blog in time for the 2008 season, and [continue reading...]

Posted on November 7th, 2007

Kevin Garnett spends four hours at Boston DMV in “own personal hell”

BOSTON, MA -- Describing the day as his "own personal nightmare" and the "worst morning of his life," Kevin Garnett missed Tuesday's practice after spending over four hours at a [continue reading...]

Posted on November 6th, 2007

Pierce: new Celtics “too intense”

BOSTON, MA -- Though the preseason is nary a couple of weeks old, the grumbling has already started in Boston, led by veteran Paul Pierce. "This team has gotten [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2007

Pierce: new Celtics “too intense” [CONTINUED]

Back to Page 1 | Page 2 "KG talks about championships all the time, man," Pierce said. "It's a little annoying, to be honest. I mean, yeah, it's great to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2007

Youkilis blasts anti-semitism as the reason for demotion

DENVER, CO -- Boston Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis is in talks with the Anti-Defamation League about a possible lawsuit against his employer, after he was informed that he [continue reading...]

Posted on October 27th, 2007

Tom Brady now favorite Son of The Almighty

BOSTON, MA -- Seán Patrick Cardinal O'Malley, Archbishop of Boston, declared today that after watching a repeat of last weekend's contest between the Patriots and the Dolphins, it has become [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2007

Manny Ramirez completes 13 home run trots Sunday after mundane activities

BOSTON, MA -- Even before the door to the mailbox swung shut, Manny Ramirez knew his letter was gone. The slugger raised his arms directly in the air, let out a [continue reading...]

Posted on October 21st, 2007

Belichick’s tearful admission: “I am actually homeless”

FOXBORO, MA -- New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick finally let the world know the truth, and then he broke down and sobbed. "I am homeless," Belichick said, weeping. "That is [continue reading...]

Posted on January 8th, 2007