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BJ Upton Archives

Joe Buck arrested outside of B.J. Upton’s hotel room holding a boombox over his head blaring Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes”

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- When the Tampa Bay Rays decided to spend Wednesday night in Philadelphia, they knew they were taking a calculated risk. With their young team of burgeoning millionaires, [continue reading...]

Posted on October 30th, 2008

BJ Upton plans on stealing 900 bases next year

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Moments after BJ Upton prolonged the World Series by stealing second base and then scoring on a single to left, the Tampa Bay Rays centerfielder predicted that [continue reading...]

Posted on October 28th, 2008

Evan Longoria afraid of spiders, snakes, and World Series

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Prior to this week, Evan Longoria had only two major fears: spiders and snakes. However, teammates from the Tampa Bay Rays report that Longoria can safely add [continue reading...]

Posted on October 27th, 2008

B.J. Upton steals three bases and Joe Buck’s heart

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- With three swift stolen bases in the sixth and eighth innings, B.J. Upton stole the Tampa Bay Rays back into Saturday night's World Series game, and, more [continue reading...]

Posted on October 26th, 2008

Rays heading to Tampa for game one of World Series anyway

TAMPA BAY, FL -- The Tampa Bay Rays flew home early this morning, celebrating as they plan on starting the World Series at home next Wednesday, even though they lost [continue reading...]

Posted on October 17th, 2008

Vitale so excited about the Rays that he’s just walking around yelling all the time and saying these ridiculous phrases

TAMPA BAY, FL -- Dick Vitale, who has been a Tampa Bay Rays season ticket holder since the team's move to the Tampa area, is so excited about the Rays' [continue reading...]

Posted on October 12th, 2008

B.J. Upton benched for remainder of playoffs for lack of hustle during post-game celebration

TAMPA BAY, FL -- A distraught Joe Maddon told reporters that B.J. Upton had left him "no choice," and that the Rays star centerfielder would be benched for the remainder [continue reading...]

Posted on October 8th, 2008

Upton joins basketball league to burn excess energy

TAMPA, FL -- B.J. Upton has apparently joined a three-on-three, full court basketball league in order to burn some of his excess energy and stay in shape, SSNN has learned. "I [continue reading...]

Posted on August 22nd, 2008

BJ Upton wets himself due to lack of hustle

TAMPA BAY, FL -- Tampa Bay Rays second baseman had an embarrassing moment Monday when he micterated in his pants in the middle of the fourth inning. Upton, who has been [continue reading...]

Posted on August 19th, 2008

“Devastated” Jair Jurrjens reacts to trade by ruthless fantasy owner

ATLANTA, GA--A "heartbroken and disgusted" Jair Jurrjens arrived at the ballpark Wednesday after disovering late Tuesday night that he'd been traded away by rapacious fantasy baseball owner John Tain. Tain, the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 2nd, 2008

Upton furious with Rays over demotion of Evan Longoria

TAMPA, FL -- B.J. Upton is seething mad this week after the Rays demoted uber-prospect Evan Longoria to the minor leagues. "I really can't believe they would do this to us," [continue reading...]

Posted on March 26th, 2008

Trop accidentally turned into mini golf course

TAMPA, FL -- Confusion and chaos ensued Wednesday afternoon when the Tampa Bay Devil Rays game against the visiting Baltimore Orioles had to be postponed because the field had been [continue reading...]

Posted on July 25th, 2007

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