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Bill Walton Archives

34F looking for great NBA bloodlines

34 year-old F looking for tall, attractive offspring of NBA great. Does not necessarily need to be great himself. Must be willing to constantly defer to those around him. Rides [continue reading...]

Posted on October 10th, 2008

Walton hospitalized following overdose on psychedelic albums

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Hall of Fame basketball player and current NBA analyst Bill Walton was hospitalized late Monday night in what early reports are calling a psychedelic overdose. Walton's [continue reading...]

Posted on July 1st, 2008

Garnett apologizes to Celtics fans for “uncharacteristic” post-season performance

BOSTON, MA -- After helping his Celtics demolish the eighth-seeded Atlanta Hawks in game one of the their first-round NBA playoff series, a tearful Kevin Garnett apologized to fans for [continue reading...]

Posted on April 22nd, 2008

Walton headed for Congress

WASHINGTON D.C. -- An unusual request – from Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky – sent former UCLA superstar and current NBA commentator Bill Walton straight to Washington, D.C. early [continue reading...]

Posted on May 1st, 2007

SSNN’s Ten Greatest NBA Centers

The diligent staff at SSNN conducted an in-depth survey of NBA experts to determine the ten greatest centers in the league's history. Funny thing happened - we came up with [continue reading...]

Posted on March 12th, 2007

Musburger fired

BRISTOL, CT -- ABC and ESPN announced Thursday that long-time announcer Brent Musburger has been fired. Executives reportedly made the decision after finding that people exposed to Musburger for long [continue reading...]

Posted on March 9th, 2007

Walton booked for distribution

SPOKANE, WA -- Bill Walton was arrested Wednesday after it was discovered he was responsible for providing the illegal drugs found on two Gonzaga basketball players earlier this month. [continue reading...]

Posted on February 23rd, 2007

Rip in space-time continuum wreaks havoc on ESPN family of networks

BRISTOL, CT -- After an unidentified natural disaster that even Bill Walton described as "really trippy," ESPN Studios was thrown into upheaval by an apparent tear in the fabric of [continue reading...]

Posted on February 18th, 2007

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