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basketball Archives

Josh Howard joins Al-Qaeda

DALLAS, TX--Fresh off his recently uncovered disparaging remarks about the national anthem and subsequent media controversy, Dallas Mavericks small forward Josh Howard announced yesterday that he would be giving up [continue reading...]

Posted on September 23rd, 2008

NBA to PETA: “Tell me how my ass tastes”

NEW YORK -- Just a year after NBA's on-again off-again synthetic ball fiasco, the league has again come face to face with PETA over it's insistence on using leather balls [continue reading...]

Posted on September 14th, 2008

Paul impresses with genuine interest in other cultures during Olympics

Paul happily used the Olympics to immerse himself in other cultures.

BEIJING, CHINA -- Though Chris Paul's performance on the basketball court was less than spectacular during the Olympic games, but his coaches and teammates from the "Redeem Team" have praised [continue reading...]

Posted on August 25th, 2008

Upton joins basketball league to burn excess energy

Upton feels great since joining a basketball team.

TAMPA, FL -- B.J. Upton has apparently joined a three-on-three, full court basketball league in order to burn some of his excess energy and stay in shape, SSNN has learned. "I [continue reading...]

Posted on August 22nd, 2008

Anthony on China: Everyone is talking “crazy talk”

BEIJING, CHINA -- Carmelo Anthony called his family Tuesday and reported that "everyone in China be talkin' crazy talk," SSNN has learned. "Everyone here speaks gobbledeegoop and bananamannah," Anthony reportedly said. [continue reading...]

Posted on August 20th, 2008

Kelton family Olympics marred by doping scandal

DES MOINES, IA -- James Kelton had been looking forward to Friday for more than two years, and was in a positively giddy mood when he came home from his [continue reading...]

Posted on August 18th, 2008

Allen Iverson’s comments on “practice” translated automatically from English to Polish to Hindi and back to English, without comment

I miss you all say the practice, if, if, if, I say that Miss coach practice, then y'all hear, again, that this is. I mean, this is one of this [continue reading...]

Posted on August 15th, 2008

Woman loses wedding ring in pocket when she meets James, Paul in Beijing

BEIJING, CHINA -- Days after Kerri Walsh performed brilliantly through the distraction of having lost her wedding ring as she and Misty May-Treanor chase Olympic gold for a second time, [continue reading...]

Posted on August 12th, 2008

Bush learns that waterboarding is not an Olympic sport

It’s not hard to believe that a guy who looks like this is as dumb as rocks.

BEIJING, CHINA -- U.S. President George W. Bush had an embarrassing moment today during a sightseeing trip in China, when he was informed that waterboarding is not an Olympic sport [continue reading...]

Posted on August 12th, 2008

1992 Dream Teamer to join 2008 Olympic basketball team

Laettner will terrify opponents by making this awful face

BEIJING, CHINA -- With the Olympics already underway, the United States basketball team has made a surprise announcement – they are going to be joined by a member of the [continue reading...]

Posted on August 10th, 2008

WNBA - Whatever it Takes to Keep People Watching

Looks like a lot has changed in the world of sports since I last blogged. WNBA making headlines? Hummina? Ladies, I have to say that the Biotch is very proud of [continue reading...]

Posted on July 30th, 2008

WNBA brawl punishments meted out

Candace made this face when she heard about her punishment…

AUBURN HILLS, MI -- After more than 24 hours of speculation on what exactly would be done, punishments have been handed down for the participants in Tuesday night's WNBA brawl [continue reading...]

Posted on July 24th, 2008

Curmudgeons unite over Packer firing

Packer is every bit as unpleasant as he looks… which is saying something.

NEW YORK, NY -- In a rare show of solidarity today, leading curmudgeons around the world gathered to protest CBS Sports' decision to part ways with college basketball commentator Billy [continue reading...]

Posted on July 15th, 2008

Nets fans disappointed about 2010-11 Finals loss

LeBron’s potential arrival is not encouraging to Nets fans.

BROOKLYN, NY -- With a handful of draft-day maneuvers that added youth and unloaded big contracts, the New Jersey Nets – soon to be the Brooklyn Nets – appear to [continue reading...]

Posted on July 9th, 2008

David Stern stunned to learn the Sonics are moving to Oklahoma City

NEW YORK, NY -- Everything was going fine for NBA commissioner David Stern on Sunday morning, until a weird turn of the internet ruined his day. "I was just scrolling through [continue reading...]

Posted on July 6th, 2008

Walton hospitalized following overdose on psychedelic albums

Walton, shown handling his psychedelic music – things did not go this well last night…

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Hall of Fame basketball player and current NBA analyst Bill Walton was hospitalized late Monday night in what early reports are calling a psychedelic overdose. Walton's [continue reading...]

Posted on July 1st, 2008

Kobe officially tired of talking about how Shaq’s ass tastes

The taste of ass causes Kobe to make this face…

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Finally breaking his silence about Shaquille O'Neal's controversial freestyle rap, Kobe Bryant revealed to SSNN that – not surprisingly – he's unhappy with his former teammate's [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2008

Jay-Z knocks out Vitale

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Dick Vitale is recovering today after having his jaw wired shut overnight, a byproduct of being punched in the face by Jay-Z following the NBA [continue reading...]

Posted on June 27th, 2008

O’Neal-for-Ford trade actually not a joke

JO is either shocked by the trade or indifferent towards basketball - could be either

TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA -- Despite early reports to the contrary, it now seems that the trade between the Toronto Raptors and Indiana Pacers involving Jermaine O'Neal and T.J. Ford is [continue reading...]

Posted on June 26th, 2008

Pearl to open jewelry store

KNOXVILLE, TN -- Looking to capitalize on his local stardom and already thinking about life after basketball, Tennessee Volunteer head basketball coach Bruce Pearl announced today he plans on opening [continue reading...]

Posted on June 19th, 2008

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