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baseball Archives

Curt Schilling’s blog inducted into baseball Hall of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—In a move not seen since Roberto Clemente’s posthumous induction in 1973, the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York waived its customary five-year waiting period earlier [continue reading...]

Posted on March 25th, 2009

Albert Pujols tearfully admits cheating

ST LOUIS, MO--In the wake of Alex Rodriguez’s revelation, St. Louis Cardinals first baseman and superstar extraordinaire Albert Pujols called a press conference today to come clean. Pujols slunk [continue reading...]

Posted on March 14th, 2009

Manny Ramirez emphasizes to Dodgers he plans to sell his private jet and begin investing in alternative energy

LOS ANGELES, CA—Fresh off of his rejection of the Dodgers’ latest contract extension, Manny Ramirez released a statement through his agent Scott Boras on Monday, in which the twelve-time all-star [continue reading...]

Posted on March 1st, 2009

Jose Rijo denies allegations; says he’s very careful about ages of minors

WASHINGTON, DC -- Jose Rijo vehemently denied any involvement with an age scandal that is rocking Major League Baseball and the Washington Nationals. "I am not at all guilty of what [continue reading...]

Posted on February 27th, 2009

Reporter develops new “on steroids” game for A-Rod, kind of like “in bed” with fortune cookies

SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA -- In an amazing development of modern journalism, reporter Michael Terwilliger of SSNN's Palm Beach, Fla. satellite office has developed an amazing game. "It's just like the fortune [continue reading...]

Posted on February 27th, 2009

Hoffman to participate in sausage race instead of pitch

MILWAUKEE, WI -- The Milwaukee Brewers proudly announced that they have found a role for Trevor Hoffman on their club. "Yeah, that was a biggie, finding a way to get Trevor [continue reading...]

Posted on February 19th, 2009

American public still under impression baseball players of old wouldn’t have used steroids

NEW YORK, NY—A recent poll conducted by Major League Baseball and ESPN in the wake of the firestorm of controversy following Alex Rodriguez’s admission of steroid use during his [continue reading...]

Posted on February 12th, 2009

Dominican baseballer A-Rod responds to charges — “No hablo Ingles.”

NEW YORK -- Controversy exploded this weekend when Dominican-American baseballer Alex Rodriguez was accused of using steroids. Rodriguez, widely considered the greatest player in the game, went into seclusion virtually immediately. [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2009

Manny Ramirez can’t stop talking about “difficult economic times”

LOS ANGELES, CA—No one is safe from economic hardships these days, not even the multi-billion dollar sports industry. Players, coaches, and owners alike have all felt the pinch of the [continue reading...]

Posted on February 4th, 2009

Sheets using Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish in hopes of being signed by Minaya

NEW YORK -- Citing that "el saber de otra lengua es un cualidad de lanzadores muy buenos," Ben Sheets announced today he is desperately trying to learn Spanish in hopes [continue reading...]

Posted on January 28th, 2009

Boston man spends two-thirds of date talking about John Smoltz

Smoltz probably doesn’t even know this happened.

BOSTON, MA -- After a blind date turned into an educational seminar on baseball, Jamie Jones told SSNN there is a "better chance of Tommy [O'Brien, her date] sleeping with [continue reading...]

Posted on January 27th, 2009

George W. Bush no longer feeling guilty about managing his fantasy baseball team for 8-10 hours a day

CRAWFORD, TX -- Four days removed from his eight-year term as President of the United States of America, a seemingly happy-go-lucky George W. Bush is feeling a lot better about [continue reading...]

Posted on January 24th, 2009

Yankees assign Mark Teixeira to wake up CC Sabathia from hibernation

NEW YORK -- With spring training just around the corner, the New York Yankees are beginning their final preparations for the season. This year, that includes the daunting task of [continue reading...]

Posted on January 23rd, 2009

Kent retires, much to nobody’s dismay

LOS ANGELES, CA -- A major hot stove story broke from the Los Angeles Dodgers today, where five-time All-Star and probable Hall-of-Famer Jeff Kent announced his retirement from Major League [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2009

Typo caused Furcal to sign three-year, $30 deal

Furcal is confused and upset over his contract.

LOS ANGELES, CA -- A month after signing his new free agent deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers, Rafael Furcal has made a startling and troubling discovery. "I finally got my [continue reading...]

Posted on January 20th, 2009

Zambrano irate about CTA fare increase

CHICAGO, IL -- After arriving in town for this coming weekend's Cubs Convention, team ace Carlos Zambrano was greeted with a rude surprise as he attempted to board an Orange [continue reading...]

Posted on January 15th, 2009

Peter Gammons still talking about baseball right now

Gammons was talking about baseball when this picture was taken.

GROTON, MA -- According to his wife and other sources in his inner circle, ESPN reporter Peter Gammons continues to talk about baseball, even though most of the major free [continue reading...]

Posted on January 13th, 2009

Suddenly feeling very poor, Jeter mails in gold gloves to be melted down for extra cash

Jeter is proud of his cash-getting skills.

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After watching his team commit a total of more than $420 million to free agents in the offseason, New York Yankees stalwart captain and shortstop [continue reading...]

Posted on January 9th, 2009

Obama to throw out first pitch at Sox opener; Cubs get Sarah Palin

CHICAGO, IL -- In the immediate aftermath of the US Presidential Election, Chicago White Sox general manager Kenny Williams invited President-Elect Barack Obama to throw out the first pitch of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 25th, 2008

Yankees sign Santa Claus to a 10-year, $210M deal; still get no presents

NEW YORK, NY -- Continuing their off-season spending spree, the Yankees nabbed two big-name free agents yesterday, first baseman Mark Teixeira, and North Pole resident Santa Claus. Though Teixeira’s 8-year [continue reading...]