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Baltimore Ravens Archives

Cardinals move up to seventh in ESPN’s latest power rankings

BRISTOL, CT -- Sunday's release of the ESPN.com's latest NFL power rankings saw the Arizona Cardinals make a big jump to seventh, while the Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings took [continue reading...]

Posted on January 25th, 2009

Baltimore mayor to change name to “Steelerssuckballsxon”

BALTIMORE, MD -- In a somewhat extreme response to Pittsburgh counterpart Luke Ravenstahl changing his last name to Steelerstahl, Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon will become Sheila Steelerssuckballsxon later this morning. "I [continue reading...]

Posted on January 16th, 2009

Two dudes in Tampa pretty nervous about getting stabbed by Ray Lewis’s entourage three weeks from tonight

TAMPA, FL -- Juan Montanez and Cecil "Lucky C" Whitman are freaking out today, with the anticipation that one of them will almost surely be stabbed by one of [continue reading...]

Posted on January 12th, 2009

Pennington to Reed “the new Marino to Clayton”

MIAMI, FL—In the wake of their disappointing 27-9 loss to the Ravens on Sunday, Dolphin fans were left with the consolation of having the biggest turnaround season in NFL history, [continue reading...]

Posted on January 5th, 2009

Longhorns face difficult road to national championship

AUSTIN, TX -- It almost seems like the BCS doesn't want Texas to win a second national championship in five years this year. "Obviously, we're not biased against any [continue reading...]

Posted on December 5th, 2008

Siragusa’s neck found in New Jersey strip club

PLEASANT HILLS, N.J. -- After years of searching, a report has emerged today that Tony Siragusa's neck has been located in the Diamond Jaxxx strip club in this suburban New [continue reading...]

Posted on November 25th, 2008

After studying rule book for entire second half, McNabb an expert on “free kicks”

BALTIMORE, MD -- Yesterday was not the best day of Donovan McNabb's career, as he was benched for the second half of the Eagles' 36-7 thrashing at the hands of [continue reading...]

Posted on November 24th, 2008

Dolphins win, decide to quit while ahead

MIAMI, FL –- Early Wednesday, following the Dolphins' shocking overtime win over Baltimore last Sunday, Miami owner Wayne Huizenga announced that the team plans to forfeit the rest of the [continue reading...]

Posted on December 19th, 2007

Joe Thomas has an enormous vocabulary

CLEVELAND, OH -- Reports from Cleveland indicate that rookie left tackle Joe Thomas has received widespread acclaim throughout the Browns organization, not just for his pancake blocks and solid pass [continue reading...]

Posted on November 26th, 2007

McNair urges NFL to increase strength of painkillers

BALTIMORE, MD -- Following Monday's blowout loss to the Steelers, Ravens QB Steve McNair urged the NFL to lobby pharmaceutical companies to increase the strength of painkillers. "I can't do [continue reading...]

Posted on November 8th, 2007

Atlanta places franchise tag on Freddie the Falcon

ATLANTA, GA -- In light of recent dog-fighting allegations against star quarterback Michael Vick, the Atlanta Falcons have decided to shift their focus. In an attempt to hold on to [continue reading...]

Posted on July 22nd, 2007

Ravens draft Smith, admit mistake

BALTIMORE, MD -- During Sunday afternoon's second day of the NFL Draft, the Baltimore Ravens announced that they planned to release former Ohio State quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Troy [continue reading...]

Posted on April 30th, 2007

New locale excites McGahee

BALTIMORE, MD -- Willis McGahee – the focal point of an off-season trade that sent him from the Buffalo Bills to the Baltimore Ravens – is excited to play the [continue reading...]

Posted on March 26th, 2007

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