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alcohol Archives

Benson to enroll in flight school after latest arrest, release from Bears

AUSTIN, TX -- Though Cedric Benson's two alcohol-related arrests this summer led to his being cut from the Chicago Bears, they have not diminished his desire to succeed. "Like I've told [continue reading...]

Posted on June 10th, 2008

Favre’s Madden cover appearance ensures injury-plagued retirement

KILN, MS -- With his departure from football officially announced, Brett Favre's decision to appear on the cover of the Madden 2009 football video game, may have doomed him to [continue reading...]

Posted on May 2nd, 2008

Brewers’ mediocre play leading Uecker to drink again

MILWAUKEE, WI -- Entering the season, Milwaukee Brewers fans had reason to be optimistic about their team's chances to win a division title in 2008. After all, the Brew Crew [continue reading...]

Posted on April 30th, 2008

Skiles wakes up hungover, hopes he didn’t do anything stupid in Milwaukee on Monday

MILWAUKEE, WI -- Former NBA guard and recent Bulls head coach Scott Skiles woke up Tuesday morning with a brutal hangover and a nagging feeling that he had done something [continue reading...]

Posted on April 22nd, 2008

Cards aim for shutdown of Jupiter alcohol sales

JUPITER, FL -- In an effort to keep the blood alcohol levels of its players and coaches below the legal limit, the St. Louis Cardinals organization has taken the unprecedented [continue reading...]

Posted on February 20th, 2008

Selig expected to punish Cobb, investigate others

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within MLB confirmed Commissioner Bud Selig will announce plans to suspend deceased Hall-of-Famer Ty Cobb for a reported 50 to 75 games as a result of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 19th, 2007

LaRussa blames DUI on supplements from Ankiel

WEST PALM BEACH, FL -- Cardinals Manager Tony LaRussa pleaded guilty this week to a DUI charge stemming from an incident that occurred during spring training eight months ago. At [continue reading...]

Posted on December 2nd, 2007

Report: college students using football as excuse for excessive drinking

SALT LAKE CITY, UT -- A shocking report from the Organization to Prevent Collegiate Drinking (OPCD) has indicated that many college students are, in fact, only attending their university's football [continue reading...]

Posted on October 30th, 2007

Testaverde’s buddies preferred him as armchair QB

CHARLOTTE, NC -- When the Carolina Panthers signed 43-year-old, veteran NFL Quarterback Vinny Testaverde last week, not everyone was happy about the deal. "We miss our boy," said Long Island, [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2007

Aspiring sabermetrician successfully calculates Getting Laid Chances Against Replacement Human

CONCORD, N.H. -- 23-year-old amateur SABRmetrician Donald Voorhies was thrilled Thursday evening when he finally cracked an equation on which he'd been toiling for months – the Getting-Laid-Chances-Against-Replacement-Human index. Unfortunately, [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2007

White Sox beef up Cell security

CHICAGO, IL -- After starting the 2007 season with two disappointing divisional losses, the Chicago White Sox have announced there will be some changes to improve park security. Starting next week, [continue reading...]

Posted on April 4th, 2007

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