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alcohol Archives

Benson to enroll in flight school after latest arrest, release from Bears

AUSTIN, TX -- Though Cedric Benson's two alcohol-related arrests this summer led to his being cut from the Chicago Bears, they have not diminished his desire to succeed. "Like I've told [continue reading...]

Posted on June 10th, 2008

Favre’s Madden cover appearance ensures injury-plagued retirement

KILN, MS -- With his departure from football officially announced, Brett Favre's decision to appear on the cover of the Madden 2009 football video game, may have doomed him to [continue reading...]

Posted on May 2nd, 2008

Brewers’ mediocre play leading Uecker to drink again

MILWAUKEE, WI -- Entering the season, Milwaukee Brewers fans had reason to be optimistic about their team's chances to win a division title in 2008. After all, the Brew Crew [continue reading...]

Posted on April 30th, 2008

Skiles wakes up hungover, hopes he didn’t do anything stupid in Milwaukee on Monday

Skiles tries not to vomit after realizing what he’s done

MILWAUKEE, WI -- Former NBA guard and recent Bulls head coach Scott Skiles woke up Tuesday morning with a brutal hangover and a nagging feeling that he had done something [continue reading...]

Posted on April 22nd, 2008

Cards aim for shutdown of Jupiter alcohol sales

JUPITER, FL -- In an effort to keep the blood alcohol levels of its players and coaches below the legal limit, the St. Louis Cardinals organization has taken the unprecedented [continue reading...]

Posted on February 20th, 2008

Selig expected to punish Cobb, investigate others

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within MLB confirmed Commissioner Bud Selig will announce plans to suspend deceased Hall-of-Famer Ty Cobb for a reported 50 to 75 games as a result of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 19th, 2007

LaRussa blames DUI on supplements from Ankiel

WEST PALM BEACH, FL -- Cardinals Manager Tony LaRussa pleaded guilty this week to a DUI charge stemming from an incident that occurred during spring training eight months ago. At [continue reading...]

Posted on December 2nd, 2007

Report: college students using football as excuse for excessive drinking

SALT LAKE CITY, UT -- A shocking report from the Organization to Prevent Collegiate Drinking (OPCD) has indicated that many college students are, in fact, only attending their university's football [continue reading...]

Posted on October 30th, 2007

Testaverde’s buddies preferred him as armchair QB

CHARLOTTE, NC -- When the Carolina Panthers signed 43-year-old, veteran NFL Quarterback Vinny Testaverde last week, not everyone was happy about the deal. "We miss our boy," said Long Island, [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2007

Aspiring sabermetrician successfully calculates Getting Laid Chances Against Replacement Human

CONCORD, N.H. -- 23-year-old amateur SABRmetrician Donald Voorhies was thrilled Thursday evening when he finally cracked an equation on which he'd been toiling for months – the Getting-Laid-Chances-Against-Replacement-Human index. Unfortunately, [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2007

White Sox beef up Cell security

CHICAGO, IL -- After starting the 2007 season with two disappointing divisional losses, the Chicago White Sox have announced there will be some changes to improve park security. Starting next week, [continue reading...]

Posted on April 4th, 2007

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