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Albert Pujols Archives

Albert Pujols tearfully admits cheating

ST LOUIS, MO--In the wake of Alex Rodriguez’s revelation, St. Louis Cardinals first baseman and superstar extraordinaire Albert Pujols called a press conference today to come clean. Pujols slunk [continue reading...]

Posted on March 14th, 2009

Ryan Howard is nailing chicks as if he won the MVP

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Albert Pujols may have the National League MVP trophy, but Ryan Howard is absolutely nailing chicks like he's the NLMVP. "He's definitely exhibiting some MVP-level sexuality right now," [continue reading...]

Posted on November 21st, 2008

Pujols told he’s MVP — responds, “Of the Cardinals?”

ST. LOUIS, MO -- When he found out he was named MVP, Albert Pujols was floored. "I honestly cannot believe this honor," Pujols said. "I'm so thankful to my teammates [continue reading...]

Posted on November 18th, 2008

Poll conducted by Zambrano shows Zambrano as NL MVP

CHICAGO, IL -- Carlos Zambrano has election fever. The star pitcher for the Cubs has taken it upon himself to take a poll concerning the National League MVP voting that has [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2008

St. Louis Cardinals bench Matt Leinart

ST. LOUIS, MO -- St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa shocked the world today by announcing that he was proactively benching Matt Leinart in favor of and older, more experienced [continue reading...]

Posted on September 4th, 2008

Man sends wife passive-aggressive trade offers in fantasy league following domestic dispute

HARRISBURG, PA -- David DelMonico, 44, thought that inviting his wife to join his fantasy league might be a bad idea when he extended the invite pre-season. "We've got a real [continue reading...]

Posted on August 31st, 2008

Passing of trade deadline allows President Bush to focus more on politics

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- August 25 has come and gone, and President Bush has informed his staff and the nation at large that he's "now ready to really get back to [continue reading...]

Posted on August 26th, 2008

Bob Gibson to stage Cardinals comeback

ST LOUIS, MO -- In a move designed to keep up with their National League Central rivals, the St. Louis Cardinals announced today that Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Gibson [continue reading...]

Posted on July 12th, 2008

Actress Milano expected to break Ripken streak

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- According to her online baseball blog, former Charmed star Alyssa Milano expects to have sex with Tampa Bay Rays rookie bullpen catcher Arturo Guzman this Saturday night, [continue reading...]

Posted on June 12th, 2008

Pujols adds insult to injury

ST. LOUIS, MO -- After injuring the San Diego Padres' Chris Young and Josh Bard earlier this week, an emotional Albert Pujols called a press conference today – in an [continue reading...]

Posted on May 24th, 2008

Padres management “not that upset” after Pujols injures entire team

SAN DIEGO, CA -- Before last night, it seemed that things couldn't get any worse for the San Diego Padres. The club, which lost their chance at last year's postseason [continue reading...]

Posted on May 22nd, 2008

St. Louis Cardinals to get discount on pitchers’ arm surgeries

ST. LOUIS, MO -- Over the past couple of years, the St. Louis Cardinals have been beset by arm injuries suffered by their pitching staff. The pitchers on the current [continue reading...]

Posted on March 26th, 2008

LaRussa explains unusual batting order

ST. LOUIS, MO -- At a press conference after Monday's game, Tony LaRussa had a number of interesting things to say. Perhaps most interesting was the insight offered by the [continue reading...]

Posted on August 20th, 2007

Comic Cardinals touring nation

ST LOUIS, MO -- The hottest touring comedy show of the season – [continue reading...]

Posted on April 11th, 2007

Lidge Revisited by Pujols Homer

HOUSTON, TX -- After spending the off-season trying to make a full emotional recovery from his 2005 post-season blow-up (something he was never able to do during a career-worst 2006 [continue reading...]

Posted on April 2nd, 2007

Pujols literally a machine

ST. LOUIS, MO  -- Hindsight is always 20/20, but baseball fans probably should have seen this coming. Government officials were immediately suspicious when Albert Pujols qualified for U.S. citizenship with [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2007

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