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Alabama Crimson Tide Archives

In preseason douche poll, Lane Kiffin wins biggest douche in the SEC award, stunning the field

KNOXVILLE, TN -- The Lane Kiffin era in Tennessee is off to a better start than ever hoped, with the results of the conference's annual Preseason Douchebag Coach Poll being [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2009

Utah victory over Alabama proves once and for all that marrying multiple people is better than marrying only one person who is your cousin

NEW ORLEANS, LA -- In what amounts to a huge victory for both the University of Utah and the entire state, the Utah Utes soundly defeated the Alabama Crimson Tide [continue reading...]

Posted on January 4th, 2009

2008 Top 20, #11: CBS announcer goes to ER after Tebowner lasts for more than four hours

ATLANTA, GA -- At approximately 11 pm Saturday night, CBS sports announcer Gary Danielson realized it was time to head for the emergency room. "Every single commercial for a male virility [continue reading...]

Posted on December 29th, 2008

CBS announcer goes to ER after Tebowner lasts for more than four hours

ATLANTA, GA -- At approximately 11 pm Saturday night, CBS sports announcer Gary Danielson realized it was time to head for the emergency room. "Every single commercial for a male virility [continue reading...]

Posted on December 7th, 2008

Longhorns face difficult road to national championship

AUSTIN, TX -- It almost seems like the BCS doesn't want Texas to win a second national championship in five years this year. "Obviously, we're not biased against any [continue reading...]

Posted on December 5th, 2008

BCS chief: We’ll try and have a national champ in place by April at the latest

NEW YORK, NY -- In a hastily-called press conference, BCS officials made clear today that the public should prepare to wait awhile to know who is the 2008 National Champion. "There [continue reading...]

Posted on December 4th, 2008

Lee Corso puts on Nick Saban’s head when making prediction

SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE UNITED STATES--ESPN’s College Gameday analyst Lee Corso’s signature head gear promotion to end each College Gameday broadcast took a morbid turn Saturday, when [continue reading...]

Posted on September 4th, 2008

Alexander forced to leave reunion

FLORENCE, KY -- Members of the Class of 1998 at Boone County High School received a surprise guest at their ten-year reunion Wednesday evening. The unsuspecting party stood frozen, paralyzed [continue reading...]

Posted on April 18th, 2008

Saban compares signing day to September 11

TUSCALOOSA, AL -- Alabama Crimson Tide head football coach Nick Saban was visibly excited about his inaugural recruiting class at a press conference following national signing day. So excited, in [continue reading...]

Posted on February 12th, 2008

Petrino heads to Arkansas to build program on “commitment and loyalty”

FAYETTEVILLE, AR -- Late Tuesday, in a hastily called press conference, Bobby Petrino announced that he is returning to the collegiate coaching ranks, where he intends to build a program [continue reading...]

Posted on December 11th, 2007

LSU fan claims honest mistake after barbecuing Saban’s dog

TUSCALOOSA, AL -- Alabama head coach Nick Saban discovered things can indeed go from bad to worse following his team's loss to LSU on Saturday. Reports out of Tuscaloosa revealed that [continue reading...]

Posted on November 6th, 2007

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