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AFC Archives

Man furious with co-workers for skipping his Pro Bowl party

MORRISTOWN, N.J. -- Things are awkward at DataTech Systems this morning, as Charlie Zimmer is seething mad at all of his co-workers. "What can I say," Zimmer said. "I work with [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2009

NFL season to climax today with Pro Bowl

HONOLULU, HI -- The 2008-09 NFL season will climax this afternoon with the annual playing of the Pro Bowl, the most highly anticipated wonderful afternoon of football in the whole [continue reading...]

Posted on February 8th, 2009

Big Ben recites alphabet up to F; doctors pronounce condition “excellent”

PITTSBURGH, PA—The Steel City has been holding its breath this past week over fears that their pro-bowl quarterback Ben Roethlisberger might not be at full strength following his concussion—the third [continue reading...]

Posted on January 6th, 2009

Shanahan goes to NFL.com for first time ever Sunday night; discovers Broncos almost made playoffs

DENVER, CO -- Upon returning to his house in the suburbs of Denver after a crushing defeated at the hands of the San Diego Chargers, Mike Shanahan couldn't sleep, so [continue reading...]

Posted on December 29th, 2008

Cutler misses crucial practice when stuck in line buying fleece throws at Old Navy (for only $3!)

DENVER, CO -- Broncos starting quarterback Jay Cutler took a personal day Tuesday, blowing off a crucial practice so he could shop at Old Navy. "I was on my Twitter this [continue reading...]

Posted on December 23rd, 2008

Texans-Jaguars game was actually played Monday, contrary to reports

HOUSTON, TX -- SSNN has learned that the Monday Night Football contest between the Houston Texans and Jacksonville Jaguars actually did take place last night and was not cancelled as [continue reading...]

Posted on December 2nd, 2008

Derek Anderson settles vendetta against fan, will resume being a good quarterback

CLEVELAND, OH -- An irate and perhaps overly sensitive Derek Anderson has informed SSNN that he has completed his vendetta against fantasy football fanatic Nathan Zimmerman, and that the Cleveland [continue reading...]

Posted on October 16th, 2008

Vince Young demands immediate and sincere apology from every Tennessee Titans fan in the universe before he goes back on the field

NASHVILLE, TN -- A hurt Vince Young has demanded an official apology from every one of the Tennessee Titans 873,434 fans before he will ever take the field again, a [continue reading...]

Posted on September 8th, 2008

Brady, Moss caught playing ‘Screw, Marry, Kill’ with Lynch, O’Neal, and Hobbs

FOXBORO, MA—Scandal erupted in Patriots training camp yesterday when members of the media walked in on pro-bowlers Tom Brady and Randy Moss engaging in the game known as “Screw, marry, [continue reading...]

Posted on September 2nd, 2008

Raiders can’t find Warren Sapp, are concerned

OAKLAND, CA -- Amid all of the hoopla surrounding the retirement of Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, Raiders All-Pro defensive tackle Warren Sapp's announcement that he too was calling [continue reading...]

Posted on May 2nd, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08

The Patriots were only 9-0 when Bill Belichick began to consider simulating the remainder of the season using Madden '08. That option has to be looking even more attractive now, [continue reading...]

Posted on December 9th, 2007

Joe Thomas has an enormous vocabulary

CLEVELAND, OH -- Reports from Cleveland indicate that rookie left tackle Joe Thomas has received widespread acclaim throughout the Browns organization, not just for his pancake blocks and solid pass [continue reading...]

Posted on November 26th, 2007

Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08

FOXBORO, MA -- At his press conference on Monday, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick announced the team will simulate the rest of the season using the Madden '08 [continue reading...]

Posted on November 11th, 2007

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