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Alex Rodriguez Archives
Rodriguez denies quad injury is attempt to be like Jeter
NEW YORK, NY -- New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez left Sunday's 7-1 win over the Baltimore Orioles with a strained quad, but the All-Star denies accusations that his [continue reading...]
Posted on April 21st, 2008
MLB now using SurveyMonkey to conduct major rule changes
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Serious Sports News Network received word late Thursday that Major League Baseball has adopted a new and controversial method of reviewing proposed rule changes. "We've basically [continue reading...]
Posted on April 10th, 2008
A-Rod teaching himself to switch hit with help of wife
NEW YORK, NY -- He's already considered the best player in the game by most baseball fans, but it seems that Alex Rodriguez has more tricks up his sleeve in [continue reading...]
Posted on April 8th, 2008
Ian Kennedy named Governor of New York to replace Spitzer
ALBANY, NY -- Leveraging a little-known clause called the "Best Kennedy available" clause, New York democrats have decided to install Ian Kennedy as their new governor, to replace the deposed [continue reading...]
Posted on March 14th, 2008
CIA offers Yanks announcer job
WASHINGTON, DC -- New York Yankees radio play-by-play announcer John Sterling will be splitting time this upcoming season between his booth in the Bronx, where he has broadcasted games since [continue reading...]
Posted on March 12th, 2008
A-Rod quits Yankees
NEW YORK, NY -- Alex Rodriguez quit the Yankees today after realizing that the stadium the team has designed for the 2009 season will not be a Frank Gehry-designed palace [continue reading...]
Posted on February 26th, 2008
Jeter not going to waste pick on self in fantasy league
NEW YORK, NY – In a candid and emotional interview with SSNN early this morning, Derek Jeter admitted he wouldn’t waste a fantasy draft pick [continue reading...]
Posted on January 14th, 2008
A-Rod, Boras agree to couple’s therapy
NEW YORK, NY -- A spokesperson for uber-agent Scott Boras has revealed that Boras and former client Alex Rodriguez have agreed to attend couple's therapy in hopes of rekindling their [continue reading...]
Posted on December 24th, 2007
A-Rod maxes out annual 401(k) contribution
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- It's the end of the year, and many adults across the country are turning to their finances to make sure everything is in order before [continue reading...]
Posted on December 21st, 2007
A-Rod finalizes deal with Yankees for $252M, Montana
NEW YORK, NY -- Alex Rodriquez cemented his place, at least for now, in sports history as the highest paid contracted player in any sport when he finalized terms of [continue reading...]
Posted on December 18th, 2007
Magna Carta downgraded by SABR based on Historic Timelessness Factor
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- The Magna Carta is scheduled to be auctioned off this week for a historic price, potentially fetching $20-$30 million. However – unfortunately for the Perot [continue reading...]
Posted on December 17th, 2007
Abbas and Olmert agree to peace between Red Sox and Yankees
ANNAPOLIS, MD -- After a truly momentous exchange that will resonate throughout history, the Red Sox and the Yankees are now at peace, thanks to the sedulous efforts of Israeli [continue reading...]
Posted on November 28th, 2007
New “deal” forces Rodriguez family to tighten purse strings
NEW YORK, NY -- Alex Rodriguez's desire to stay with the New York Yankees with a new, 10-year, $280 million contract has forced his family to make some tough choices [continue reading...]
Posted on November 26th, 2007
FROM THE ARCHIVES: A-Rod torturing Jeter over dinner tab
As A-Rod prepares himself for an offseason of criticism and mockery, we pile on with a classic from earlier this year. BRONX, NY -- Citing an agonizingly annoying three months, [continue reading...]
Posted on November 12th, 2007
Torre: Dodgers may go after A-Rod, Jeter, Giambi, Rivera, Posada, Mientkievicz, Cano, Mussina, Matsui, Cabrera, Abreu and others
LOS ANGELES, CA -- New Dodgers manager Joe Torre reported today that the Dodgers are considering signing Alex Rodriguez to a record contract, and that he's also submitted a "wish [continue reading...]
Posted on November 10th, 2007
Scott Boras announces Corey Patterson signing during sex with wife
BALTIMORE, MD -- During a romantic sexual interlude with his wife Jeanette last night, baseball super-agent Scott Boras announced that free agent Corey Patterson agreed to a 1 year, $4.3 [continue reading...]
Posted on November 1st, 2007
A-Rod goes trick-or-treating as Aramis Ramirez; focuses primarily on Lou Piniella’s house
TAMPA, FL -- Alex Rodriguez took his unorthodox free agency to a new level today, as he went trick-or-treating for four hours in Tampa, Florida, focusing for the most part [continue reading...]
Posted on October 31st, 2007
Yankee Stadium ticket scanners link future to Torre
BRONX, NY -- The Yankees seemingly insurmountable level of disarray just got worse, with a dedicated group of ticket-takers now announcing they are going to pursue other options as a [continue reading...]
Posted on October 31st, 2007
A-Rod offers one-year deals, performance incentives to service-industry workers
BRONX, NY -- Alex Rodriguez, citing what he states is a "brilliant, performance-based standard," is beginning to offer everyone he knows one-year, incentive-heavy deals to continue in their current roles. [continue reading...]
Posted on October 29th, 2007
Steinbrenner hires Trump for firing purposes
NEW YORK, NY -- Owner George Steinbrenner announced the newest member of the Yankee family Tuesday – real estate mogul Donald Trump. Steinbrenner said that while the hiring is largely [continue reading...]
Posted on October 17th, 2007
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