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Roger Goodell Archives
Goodell: “I can out-commish Bud Selig in my sleep”
NEW YORK, NY -- With controversy surrounding his admission of destroying tapes that were involved in the on-going New England Patriots Spygate scandal, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell quickly deflected the [continue reading...]
Posted on February 19th, 2008
NFL to play game in Bermuda Triangle, hoping Denver Broncos will disappear
BERMUDA -- The NFL, continuing its new approach of playing games at the world's great landmarks, has scheduled a regular season game for next season during which it really hopes [continue reading...]
Posted on February 8th, 2008
National Weather Service lowers Two-Minute Warning to Two-Minute Watch
SILVER SPRING, MD -- The National Weather Service officially lowered the NFL's traditional Two-Minute Warning down to a Two-Minute Watch today, following an announcement that many of the league's football [continue reading...]
Posted on December 27th, 2007
Dolphins win, decide to quit while ahead
MIAMI, FL –- Early Wednesday, following the Dolphins' shocking overtime win over Baltimore last Sunday, Miami owner Wayne Huizenga announced that the team plans to forfeit the rest of the [continue reading...]
Posted on December 19th, 2007
Vikings fined for having Adrian Peterson wear Chester Taylor’s uniform
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- It's been a year of deception in the NFL. Only months after the New England Patriots got the league's largest ever fine, the Minnesota Vikings received a [continue reading...]
Posted on December 10th, 2007
Desperate Vick attorneys throw red challenge flag at sentencing
RICHMOND, VA -- With their client already in jail and seemingly no recourse remaining to them, Michael Vick's attorneys launched a last-ditch effort to stop their client from going to [continue reading...]
Posted on December 10th, 2007
FROM THE ARCHIVES: Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08
The Patriots were only 9-0 when Bill Belichick began to consider simulating the remainder of the season using Madden '08. That option has to be looking even more attractive now, [continue reading...]
Posted on December 9th, 2007
Patriots sell Jets game film to Iran
NEW ENGLAND and TEHRAN -- In a surprise move, the New England Patriots have agreed to sell game film of the New York Jets to Iran's controversial nuclear program. "They were [continue reading...]
Posted on December 7th, 2007
Goodell: Redskins, Bears must both try to win
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Charting new territory even for himself, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has sent an urgent memo to both the Washington Redskins and the Chicago Bears on the morning [continue reading...]
Posted on December 6th, 2007
Dallas Cowboys donated to President Bush in exchange for early end to presidency
DALLAS, TX -- In a heretofore unexpected and unprecedented event, the Dallas Cowboys have been given away to President George W. Bush, in exchange for a commitment that the president [continue reading...]
Posted on November 18th, 2007
Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08
FOXBORO, MA -- At his press conference on Monday, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick announced the team will simulate the rest of the season using the Madden '08 [continue reading...]
Posted on November 11th, 2007
McNair urges NFL to increase strength of painkillers
BALTIMORE, MD -- Following Monday's blowout loss to the Steelers, Ravens QB Steve McNair urged the NFL to lobby pharmaceutical companies to increase the strength of painkillers. "I can't do [continue reading...]
Posted on November 8th, 2007
Roger Goodell hands out suspensions in Ellen DeGeneres dog case
NEW YORK, NY -- The swift hand of NFL justice struck again this week, as Roger Goodell handed out a new round of suspensions in the Ellen DeGeneres/Iggy the dog [continue reading...]
Posted on November 1st, 2007
Goddell asks Raiders to play in Sacramento, on Tuesday
OAKLAND, CA -- NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has reportedly asked the Houston Texans (3-5) and Oakland Raiders (2-5) to move their game, originally scheduled to take place at the McAfee [continue reading...]
Posted on October 31st, 2007
British crowd expected 10-foot men playing soccer against sea mammals
LONDON, ENGLAND -- Tens of thousands of British sports fans are demanding their money back after attending the Giants–Dolphins game on Sunday at Wembley stadium. Confusion arose when many of [continue reading...]
Posted on October 30th, 2007
Dolphins lured to London in demotion ruse
LONDON, ENGLAND -- The Miami Dolphins were held in London today after their Sunday loss to the New York Giants, and are expected to be relegated to the second division, [continue reading...]
Posted on October 29th, 2007
Archie Manning implores reporters to consider exchange rate when evaluating Eli’s statistics
LONDON, ENGLAND -- After the New York Giants defeated the Miami Dolphins 13-10 on Sunday, former NFL quarterback Archie Manning implored reporters to consider the current exchange rate before they [continue reading...]
Posted on October 29th, 2007
Rams request mercy rule for future games
ST. LOUIS, MO -- Following Sunday’s 33-6 loss to Seattle, the St. Louis Rams submitted a mercy rule application to NFL headquarters. The rarely-used rule states that should a team [continue reading...]
Posted on October 22nd, 2007
Terrell Owens plans minimalist TD celebration full of symbolism and anti-NFL sentiment
DALLAS, TX -- Terrell Owens announced Friday that he is planning a new, "minimalist" touchdown celebration that will leave NFL officials shaken to their core. "You know, there comes [continue reading...]
Posted on September 21st, 2007
Patriots send extra videotape to NFL, prove cheating did not help
FOXBORO, MA -- When the NFL receives the series of tapes that the New England Patriots are sending them as part of the spygate scandal, there will be one extra [continue reading...]
Posted on September 17th, 2007
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