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Peyton Manning Archives

Man furious with co-workers for skipping his Pro Bowl party

MORRISTOWN, N.J. -- Things are awkward at DataTech Systems this morning, as Charlie Zimmer is seething mad at all of his co-workers. "What can I say," Zimmer said. "I work with [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2009

American viewers becoming disturbed with growing trend of exciting Super Bowls

TAMPA BAY, FL—Last night’s exciting Super Bowl finish, involving two lead changes in the last three minutes, is part of a growing trend that some in America are calling worrisome: [continue reading...]

Posted on February 2nd, 2009

Furious Archie Manning sends loser sons to bed without dinner

OXFORD, MS—Recalling that his boys had promised “never to come home again without a Super Bowl championship” and saying that he had “never heard of such appalling underachievement”, an infuriated [continue reading...]

Posted on January 19th, 2009

Dungy calls Phil Jackson, asks for advice on tell-all book trashing star player

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—Reports have begun surfacing today that Colts head coach Tony Dungy will be stepping down and retiring from football after a tenure with Indianapolis that included seven playoff appearances [continue reading...]

Posted on January 13th, 2009

Peyton Manning blows New Year’s Resolution not to get smoked by an inferior team in the playoffs

INDIANAPOLIS--Millions of Americans are swarming gyms, being nicer to their mothers, and quitting smoking this week, as 2009's new year's resolutions hit the ground with full force. As the weeks [continue reading...]

Posted on January 6th, 2009

Furious Manning blames MVP award for playoff loss

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—Peyton Manning joined a very exclusive and elite club on Friday, becoming only the second man ever to win three NFL MVP awards in the modern era, equaling the [continue reading...]

Posted on January 4th, 2009

Peyton Manning goes “off register” on Ashley’s Christmas gift

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—Colts quarterback Peyton Manning learned a valuable lesson last year when he forgot to buy presents for his wife Ashley in the holiday rush. Although tragedy was narrowly averted [continue reading...]

Posted on December 18th, 2008

Ashley Manning furious with Peyton over Iron Gym pull-up bar purchase

INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- There is only one rule in the Manning household -- no surprises. That is why Ashley Manning is furious with her husband Peyton after his recent purchase [continue reading...]

Posted on December 17th, 2008

Colts would like Peyton Manning to be a little more folksy, like Sarah Palin

INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- The Indianapolis Colts, less than two years removed from a Super Bowl title, have made an unusual request to quarterback Peyton Manning. "Yes, we did make a request [continue reading...]

Posted on October 3rd, 2008

Patriots sign Manning

FOXBORO, MA -- The New England Patriots, in a move of possible desperation, have signed Cooper Manning, older brother of Peyton and Eli, to play quarterback for the rest of [continue reading...]

Posted on September 20th, 2008

NFL not looking for gang signs

Goodell does as he damn well pleases, thank you very much!

NEW YORK, NY -- A day after news outlets around the country reported that the National Football League was reviewing past game tapes to look for players flashing gang signs, [continue reading...]

Posted on July 17th, 2008

Man arrested for sending threatening letters to NFL players

ORLANDO, FL -- A Florida man was arrested yesterday in Orlando after being identified as the sender of multiple menacing letters to approximately twenty NFL players – including Reggie Bush, [continue reading...]

Posted on May 13th, 2008

Harrison admits to vigilante activities

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- A recent shooting near one of his Philadelphia-area businesses has forced Colts wide receiver Marvin Harrison to reveal his secretive off-field life. Harrison told reporters today that [continue reading...]

Posted on May 9th, 2008

Febreze to launch new line of sports-related scents

CINCINNATI, OH -- Procter and Gamble announced today that they will release a new line of sports-related scents in May. Mariah Standish, a spokeswoman for the Febreze brand of air [continue reading...]

Posted on March 21st, 2008

At least two Walker personalities interested in comeback

AUGUSTA, GA -- Former NFL running back Herschel Walker may very well have announced his bid for a comeback. Walker, who retired in 1997 and recently revealed he has multiple [continue reading...]

Posted on March 15th, 2008

Eli Manning still seething about MasterCard snub

NEW YORK, NY -- Even though it's been three years, Eli Manning is still very upset with MasterCard over an unintentional snub, and is plotting his revenge against the company. [continue reading...]

Posted on February 26th, 2008

Miami parade to honor Giants, ‘72 Dolphins

MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Department of City Planning has announced that on Friday, February 8 at noon there will be a parade – formally the "Reebok Still Perfect Parade" [continue reading...]

Posted on February 6th, 2008

Brady tired of beating Mannings

GLENDALE, AZ -- Tom Brady, usually unflappable leading up to important games, has shown uncharacteristic sensitivity to a number of issues as Super Bowl XLII approaches. In addition to admitting [continue reading...]

Posted on February 2nd, 2008

Peyton: Eli will wear Ring Sunday

PHOENIX, AZ -- Surprising the entire gathering of media and fans, Peyton Manning stepped out Friday when he predicted that his younger brother would be the second Manning to wear [continue reading...]

Posted on February 1st, 2008

Peyton Manning declares self “superior advertiser” to Brady

GLENDALE, AZ -- Peyton Manning came clean about his feelings toward Tom Brady's commercial endorsements today, announcing that he was "the superior advertiser." "I'm not talking about who's better at playing [continue reading...]

Posted on January 29th, 2008