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New York Yankees Archives
Satan to Yankees fans: “It’s out of my hands”
NEW YORK, NY -- Yankee fans woke up to horrifying news this morning, after Satan, Prince of Lies and Ruler of Darkness, gave a dour prognosis for the Bronx Bombers. [continue reading...]
Posted on August 28th, 2008
Joba will be on smaller, more strict pitch count when activated
NEW YORK, NY -- In an effort to protect one of the most valuable arms in their system, the New York Yankees have declared that Joba Chamberlain will be on [continue reading...]
Posted on August 13th, 2008
80’s singer Corey Hart wins online All-Star vote
NEW YORK, NY -- In a victory deemed by many baseball experts as a shocking upset, singer Corey Hart won an online fan vote for the final spot on the [continue reading...]
Posted on July 13th, 2008
Rays’ Maddon hailed as Second Coming
TAMPA, FL -- Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon has, by the standards of many baseball experts, performed a miracle in leading his previously hapless squad to first place in [continue reading...]
Posted on July 10th, 2008
SSNN forced to pull A-Rod story when it actually becomes true
CHICAGO, IL -- The Serious Sports News Network is reeling today after an ironic twist of events which resulted in a scheduled story for the satire site being pulled from [continue reading...]
Posted on July 8th, 2008
Cynthia Rodriguez seeking half in divorce filing
MIAMI, FL -- Citing irreconcilable differences, Cynthia Rodriguez has filed for divorce from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez, seeking half of her husband's money and assets, including at least half [continue reading...]
Posted on July 7th, 2008
Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez end marriage on technicality
NEW YORK, NY -- Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez have formally announced their separation today, ending their five-year marriage which produced loads of back-page fodder for the New York Post and [continue reading...]
Posted on July 3rd, 2008
A-Rod’s heart touched by Katy Perry single
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- With the New York Yankees hovering in third place in the AL East, 5.5 games behind the surging Tampa Bay Rays, Alex Rodriguez has been [continue reading...]
Posted on June 30th, 2008
A-Rod refuses to eat clubhouse food after Betemit double-dip
PITTSBURGH, PA -- Even though the Yankees hammered the Pirates 10-0 in Pittsburgh last night, it wasn't all smiles for the Bronx Bombers. After the game, an altercation started around [continue reading...]
Posted on June 26th, 2008
Mariners hope to replace Sexson with Moose
SEATTLE, WA -- Floundering at the bottom of the AL West and rapidly falling out of playoff contention, the Seattle Mariners may follow the firing of manager John McLaren with [continue reading...]
Posted on June 23rd, 2008
Yankees accidentally allow Chamberlain to finish his dinner
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Appearing at a rare press conference together with manager Joe Girardi, Yankees chairman Hank Steinbrenner revealed that star pitcher Joba Chamberlain had accidentally been allowed [continue reading...]
Posted on June 20th, 2008
Steinbrenner suing MLB in wake of Wang injury
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After ace pitcher Chien-Ming Wang suffered an injured foot during yesterday's game in Houston against the Astros, New York Yankees boss Hank Steinbrenner has filed [continue reading...]
Posted on June 16th, 2008
Yankees to headline writers: Stop playing with our Wang
NEW YORK, NY -- Amid floods of sophomoric and juvenile headlines, the New York Yankees called a press conference today to hopefully stop the bevy of Wang references. "We get [continue reading...]
Posted on June 16th, 2008
Actress Milano expected to break Ripken streak
HOLLYWOOD, CA -- According to her online baseball blog, former Charmed star Alyssa Milano expects to have sex with Tampa Bay Rays rookie bullpen catcher Arturo Guzman this Saturday night, [continue reading...]
Posted on June 12th, 2008
Don Zimmer panics, frantically calls friends in New York after watching Cloverfield
TAMPA, FL -- An extremely confused and concerned Don Zimmer frantically began calling former New York Yankees teammates and fellow coaches yesterday, after seeing the movie Cloverfield and growing concerned [continue reading...]
Posted on June 9th, 2008
Confused Yankees show up at World Series of Poker
LAS VEGAS, NV -- The New York Yankees, in a state of utter confusion, showed up this week at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, where the World [continue reading...]
Posted on June 7th, 2008
Soriano hoping to buy AT&T Park’s enormous glove
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Though they sit at just 25-34, thirteen games back of the league-leading Cubs, the San Francisco Giants have something that Chicago's NL franchise – or, more [continue reading...]
Posted on June 4th, 2008
Phone companies report record call volume over Joba
NEW YORK, NY -- Several leading cellular phone companies reported a record number of phone calls Friday, apparently due to the announcement that New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain will [continue reading...]
Posted on May 30th, 2008
BoSox starting rotation to work out at toxic waste dump
BOSTON, MA -- Less than a week after cancer-survivor Jon Lester's no-hitter, the Boston Red Sox announced today that they will begin working out their pitchers next to toxic waste [continue reading...]
Posted on May 23rd, 2008
Pedro challenges Don Zimmer to UFC fight
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- With rumors circulating about a possible retirement following the 2008-2009 MLB season, New York Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez gave a possible hint as to his [continue reading...]
Posted on May 22nd, 2008
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