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New York Giants Archives
Strahan stays retired, wants his check for $25 million ASAP
NEW YORK, NY -- New York Giants football officials were scrambling today to see if they really owed Michael Strahan $25 million after the retired defensive end turned down their [continue reading...]
Posted on August 27th, 2008
Confused Shockey thinks he was traded to the Dolphins
MIAMI, FL -- A giddy Jeremy Shockey arrived in Florida hours ago, his head spinning with excitement at the prospect of joining the Miami Dolphins and performing again in the [continue reading...]
Posted on July 22nd, 2008
Entire NFL outsourced to Africa in cost-cutting move
NEW YORK, NY – Growing excitement stemming from the opening of training camps throughout the National Football League was overshadowed yesterday by the decidedly controversial decision to outsource the entire [continue reading...]
Posted on July 5th, 2008
Taylor offers to teach Parcells to dance
MIAMI, FL -- Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor has made the first move in trying to repair his relationship with Bill Parcells, Miami's new Executive Vice President of Football [continue reading...]
Posted on May 29th, 2008
Eli Manning still seething about MasterCard snub
NEW YORK, NY -- Even though it's been three years, Eli Manning is still very upset with MasterCard over an unintentional snub, and is plotting his revenge against the company. [continue reading...]
Posted on February 26th, 2008
Miami parade to honor Giants, ‘72 Dolphins
MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Department of City Planning has announced that on Friday, February 8 at noon there will be a parade – formally the "Reebok Still Perfect Parade" [continue reading...]
Posted on February 6th, 2008
Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus
BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]
Posted on February 6th, 2008
Dubya places misguided congratulatory call to Patriots
WASHINGTON D.C.- As George "Dubya" Bush limps towards the final stage of his presidency, he will face what is sure to be less-than-pleasant response from the New York Giant faithful. [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2008
Brady tired of beating Mannings
GLENDALE, AZ -- Tom Brady, usually unflappable leading up to important games, has shown uncharacteristic sensitivity to a number of issues as Super Bowl XLII approaches. In addition to admitting [continue reading...]
Posted on February 2nd, 2008
Peyton: Eli will wear Ring Sunday
PHOENIX, AZ -- Surprising the entire gathering of media and fans, Peyton Manning stepped out Friday when he predicted that his younger brother would be the second Manning to wear [continue reading...]
Posted on February 1st, 2008
Shula: Patriots not undefeated until they win NCAA Tournament, World Series of Poker
GLENDALE, AZ -- Don Shula, coach of the 1972 Dolphins, hastily called a press conference outside University of Phoenix Stadium Thursday morning to make an important announcement about the New [continue reading...]
Posted on January 31st, 2008
Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime
GLENDALE, AZ -- This is not your father's Super Bowl. Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show – complete with countless dancers, multiple songs, fireworks, and the rest – Tom Petty [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2008
New Jersey moron actually thinks Brady might not play in Super Bowl
WEST ORANGE, N.J. -- 24-year-old Johnny Marciano, a sixth-year senior at Rutgers, is extremely excited today as he anticipates Patriots quarterback Tom Brady potentially having to sit out the Super [continue reading...]
Posted on January 28th, 2008
Wife of Pats’ Seymour says husband not dirty, just “a little kinky”
FOXBORO, MA -- Tonya Seymour, wife of Patriots defensive lineman Richard Seymour, today defended her husband against allegations that he's a dirty player. "My husband is not a dirty player," [continue reading...]
Posted on January 24th, 2008
Archie Manning buys tickets to wrong game
NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Archie Manning is out several thousand dollars after mistakenly buying plane and game tickets for this Sunday's game in Foxboro, Mass. Between the Patriots and Chargers, [continue reading...]
Posted on January 17th, 2008
Favre: Sunday’s game a “must-win”
GREEN BAY, WI -- Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has declared Sunday's game a "must-win" for the Packers. "Look, everyone knows that I play better in big games," [continue reading...]
Posted on January 16th, 2008
Peyton Manning experiencing really weird feelings toward brother Eli
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Peyton Manning reported this week that he’s feeling some really unusual feelings directed at his brother Eli, including some feelings that he’s never felt toward Eli before [continue reading...]
Posted on January 16th, 2008
‘Cowboys cheerleader tells Jessica Simpson to ’step off’
DALLAS, TX -- A Dallas Cowboys cheerleader is crying right now, but it’s for a totally different reason than T.O. Twenty-one year-old and two-year "Cowgirls" veteran Kandi Harris has publicly [continue reading...]
Posted on January 16th, 2008
Simpson’s “Ginormous bozangas” may have been distraction to Romo
IRVING, TEX - NFL commentators are providing a variety of analysis for the many probable reasons for the NY Giants 21-17 NFC [continue reading...]
Posted on January 14th, 2008
FROM THE ARCHIVES: Strahan’s gap closed
Today, Michael Strahan is celebrating clinching a playoff berth. But just a few months ago, he was focused far more on his teeth than on football... NEW YORK, NY -- One [continue reading...]
Posted on December 23rd, 2007
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