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New York Giants Archives
Roger Goodell frantically searching for Ashton Kutcher
NEW YORK -- Roger Goodell was spotted late Tuesday anxiously roving the halls of NFL headquarters, screaming "Where the hell is Ashton?!" over and over, after the NFL commissioner revealed [continue reading...]
Posted on February 18th, 2009
Giants surprisingly unsympathetic to lower-seed teams
NEW YORK, NY—In a rather puzzling and unexpected turn of events, the members of the New York Giants, most only one year removed from their improbable victory over the previously-unbeaten [continue reading...]
Posted on January 22nd, 2009
Furious Archie Manning sends loser sons to bed without dinner
OXFORD, MS—Recalling that his boys had promised “never to come home again without a Super Bowl championship” and saying that he had “never heard of such appalling underachievement”, an infuriated [continue reading...]
Posted on January 19th, 2009
Local man not really interested in trading places with Donovan McNabb
PHILADELPHIA, PA -- As the Philadelphia Eagles were sewing up their victory over the New York Giants, Simon Humphries noted that it must be nice to be Donovan McNabb. "I was [continue reading...]
Posted on January 14th, 2009
2008 Top 20, #3: Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime
SSNN is presenting its top 20 posts from 2008 in order. Enjoy! GLENDALE, AZ -- This is not your father's Super Bowl. Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show – complete with [continue reading...]
Posted on December 31st, 2008
2007 Top 20, #7: Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus
BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]
Posted on December 30th, 2008
“Plaxico” facing serious decline as a baby name
NEW YORK, NY -- An exclusive SSNN report has revealed that the popularity of "Plaxico" as a baby name is plummeting due to the recent shooting incident and other controversies [continue reading...]
Posted on December 13th, 2008
Plaxico attempts “shot therapy” to get back into lineup
NEW YORK, NY -- Plaxico Burress announced he's going to undergo a series of "shot therapy" treatments in hopes of getting himself back into the lineup for the New York [continue reading...]
Posted on December 1st, 2008
After studying rule book for entire second half, McNabb an expert on “free kicks”
BALTIMORE, MD -- Yesterday was not the best day of Donovan McNabb's career, as he was benched for the second half of the Eagles' 36-7 thrashing at the hands of [continue reading...]
Posted on November 24th, 2008
Burress was in DC last week helping on bailout plan
NEW YORK, NY and WASHINGTON, DC -- When Plaxico Burress received a week-long suspension from the New York Giants, he didn't pout. Instead, he did what champions do--he went to [continue reading...]
Posted on October 8th, 2008
Jeremy Shockey to miss 4-6 weeks with penis chapping
NEW ORLEANS, LA -- The New Orleans Saints revealed today that Jeremy Shockey will miss a month or more with hernia surgery, though sources close to the team report that [continue reading...]
Posted on September 23rd, 2008
Strahan stays retired, wants his check for $25 million ASAP
NEW YORK, NY -- New York Giants football officials were scrambling today to see if they really owed Michael Strahan $25 million after the retired defensive end turned down their [continue reading...]
Posted on August 27th, 2008
Confused Shockey thinks he was traded to the Dolphins
MIAMI, FL -- A giddy Jeremy Shockey arrived in Florida hours ago, his head spinning with excitement at the prospect of joining the Miami Dolphins and performing again in the [continue reading...]
Posted on July 22nd, 2008
Entire NFL outsourced to Africa in cost-cutting move
NEW YORK, NY – Growing excitement stemming from the opening of training camps throughout the National Football League was overshadowed yesterday by the decidedly controversial decision to outsource the entire [continue reading...]
Posted on July 5th, 2008
Taylor offers to teach Parcells to dance
MIAMI, FL -- Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor has made the first move in trying to repair his relationship with Bill Parcells, Miami's new Executive Vice President of Football [continue reading...]
Posted on May 29th, 2008
Eli Manning still seething about MasterCard snub
NEW YORK, NY -- Even though it's been three years, Eli Manning is still very upset with MasterCard over an unintentional snub, and is plotting his revenge against the company. [continue reading...]
Posted on February 26th, 2008
Miami parade to honor Giants, ‘72 Dolphins
MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Department of City Planning has announced that on Friday, February 8 at noon there will be a parade – formally the "Reebok Still Perfect Parade" [continue reading...]
Posted on February 6th, 2008
Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus
BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]
Posted on February 6th, 2008
Dubya places misguided congratulatory call to Patriots
WASHINGTON D.C.- As George "Dubya" Bush limps towards the final stage of his presidency, he will face what is sure to be less-than-pleasant response from the New York Giant faithful. [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2008
Brady tired of beating Mannings
GLENDALE, AZ -- Tom Brady, usually unflappable leading up to important games, has shown uncharacteristic sensitivity to a number of issues as Super Bowl XLII approaches. In addition to admitting [continue reading...]
Posted on February 2nd, 2008
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