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New England Patriots Archives
‘72 Dolphins remain most pretentious team ever
MIAMI, FL -- Though it came late enough this season to give them all a good scare, the 1972 Miami Dolphins got together on Monday for their traditional champagne toast [continue reading...]
Posted on February 5th, 2008
New England chef admits he didn’t “leave it all in the kitchen”
GLENDALE, AZ -- In the aftermath of the New England Patriots' disappointing Super Bowl loss, fingers of blame are being pointed willy-nilly throughout the organization. Few Patriot staffers, [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2008
Dubya places misguided congratulatory call to Patriots
WASHINGTON D.C.- As George "Dubya" Bush limps towards the final stage of his presidency, he will face what is sure to be less-than-pleasant response from the New York Giant faithful. [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2008
Brady tired of beating Mannings
GLENDALE, AZ -- Tom Brady, usually unflappable leading up to important games, has shown uncharacteristic sensitivity to a number of issues as Super Bowl XLII approaches. In addition to admitting [continue reading...]
Posted on February 2nd, 2008
Peyton: Eli will wear Ring Sunday
PHOENIX, AZ -- Surprising the entire gathering of media and fans, Peyton Manning stepped out Friday when he predicted that his younger brother would be the second Manning to wear [continue reading...]
Posted on February 1st, 2008
Shula: Patriots not undefeated until they win NCAA Tournament, World Series of Poker
GLENDALE, AZ -- Don Shula, coach of the 1972 Dolphins, hastily called a press conference outside University of Phoenix Stadium Thursday morning to make an important announcement about the New [continue reading...]
Posted on January 31st, 2008
Randy Moss reportedly tells accuser ‘watch Super Bowl to see real beating’
GLENDALE, AZ -- According to inside sources with the New England Patriots, Randy Moss has had several conversations with the woman who accused him of hitting her. "Yeah, Randy talked [continue reading...]
Posted on January 31st, 2008
Brady: “Super Bowl is chance for perfect suntan”
GLENDALE, AZ -- Tom Brady announced Wednesday morning that he thinks the Pats trip to the Super Bowl provides the ultimate chance to really nail down the perfect suntan. [continue reading...]
Posted on January 30th, 2008
Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime
GLENDALE, AZ -- This is not your father's Super Bowl. Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show – complete with countless dancers, multiple songs, fireworks, and the rest – Tom Petty [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2008
New Jersey moron actually thinks Brady might not play in Super Bowl
WEST ORANGE, N.J. -- 24-year-old Johnny Marciano, a sixth-year senior at Rutgers, is extremely excited today as he anticipates Patriots quarterback Tom Brady potentially having to sit out the Super [continue reading...]
Posted on January 28th, 2008
Wife of Pats’ Seymour says husband not dirty, just “a little kinky”
FOXBORO, MA -- Tonya Seymour, wife of Patriots defensive lineman Richard Seymour, today defended her husband against allegations that he's a dirty player. "My husband is not a dirty player," [continue reading...]
Posted on January 24th, 2008
Brady sex appeal too much for Chargers in fourth quarter
FOXBORO, MA -- The San Diego Chargers were able to challenge the undefeated New England Patriots for much of the AFC Championship game on Sunday, but ultimately were unable to [continue reading...]
Posted on January 22nd, 2008
Obsessed Chargers fan spurs Rotoworld to record traffic day
LA JOLLA, CA -- The staff of popular fantasy sports website Rotoworld is rejoicing today, as 19-year-old San Diego suburbanite Jason Dawson single-handedly spurred the site to a record [continue reading...]
Posted on January 17th, 2008
Archie Manning buys tickets to wrong game
NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Archie Manning is out several thousand dollars after mistakenly buying plane and game tickets for this Sunday's game in Foxboro, Mass. Between the Patriots and Chargers, [continue reading...]
Posted on January 17th, 2008
Peyton Manning experiencing really weird feelings toward brother Eli
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Peyton Manning reported this week that he’s feeling some really unusual feelings directed at his brother Eli, including some feelings that he’s never felt toward Eli before [continue reading...]
Posted on January 16th, 2008
Awkward mistletoe encounter threatens Patriots’ chemistry
FOXBORO, MA -- For the New England Patriots, a team that has relied on such precision timing and an uncanny ability to avoid trouble for the past four months, Wednesday [continue reading...]
Posted on December 20th, 2007
Dolphins win, decide to quit while ahead
MIAMI, FL –- Early Wednesday, following the Dolphins' shocking overtime win over Baltimore last Sunday, Miami owner Wayne Huizenga announced that the team plans to forfeit the rest of the [continue reading...]
Posted on December 19th, 2007
Putin backs Belichick as successor
MOSCOW -- Russian leader Vladimir Putin has backed New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick to replace him as president next year, according to a Russian media report obtained by [continue reading...]
Posted on December 10th, 2007
FROM THE ARCHIVES: Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08
The Patriots were only 9-0 when Bill Belichick began to consider simulating the remainder of the season using Madden '08. That option has to be looking even more attractive now, [continue reading...]
Posted on December 9th, 2007
Patriots sell Jets game film to Iran
NEW ENGLAND and TEHRAN -- In a surprise move, the New England Patriots have agreed to sell game film of the New York Jets to Iran's controversial nuclear program. "They were [continue reading...]
Posted on December 7th, 2007
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