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Miami Dolphins Archives

‘72 Dolphins remain most pretentious team ever

MIAMI, FL -- Though it came late enough this season to give them all a good scare, the 1972 Miami Dolphins got together on Monday for their traditional champagne toast [continue reading...]

Posted on February 5th, 2008

Shula: Patriots not undefeated until they win NCAA Tournament, World Series of Poker

GLENDALE, AZ -- Don Shula, coach of the 1972 Dolphins, hastily called a press conference outside University of Phoenix Stadium Thursday morning to make an important announcement about the New [continue reading...]

Posted on January 31st, 2008

Big Tuna adds marine biologist to packed staff

MIAMI, FL -- Bill Parcells announced Wednesday that he has added a marine biologist to the already packed staff that he has put in place for the Miami Dolphins. Dr. Donald [continue reading...]

Posted on January 23rd, 2008

New, foolproof system developed to predict Super Bowl winner

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- A group of Harvard grad students, who claimed to have found a foolproof system for predicting football scores, may have experienced some setbacks. The group of young [continue reading...]

Posted on January 18th, 2008

Parcells confident his man boobs won’t distract Dolphins

MIAMI, FL -- Legendary NFL head coach Bill Parcells insists his unsightly man boobs – otherwise known as "bitch tits" – will not become a distraction to the Miami Dolphins. [continue reading...]

Posted on December 31st, 2007

Awkward mistletoe encounter threatens Patriots’ chemistry

FOXBORO, MA -- For the New England Patriots, a team that has relied on such precision timing and an uncanny ability to avoid trouble for the past four months, Wednesday [continue reading...]

Posted on December 20th, 2007

NFL teams sponsor Peterson cloning experiment

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- SSNN has received word that at least four NFL teams have reached an agreement with the Minnesota Vikings to attempt to clone Adrian Peterson. NFL organizations in [continue reading...]

Posted on December 20th, 2007

Favre unveils plan to erase Marino from human history

GREEN BAY, WI -- During what is usually a very slow locker room media session on Wednesday afternoon, Green Bay QB Brett Favre made headlines by unveiling an elaborate – [continue reading...]

Posted on December 20th, 2007

Dolphins win, decide to quit while ahead

MIAMI, FL –- Early Wednesday, following the Dolphins' shocking overtime win over Baltimore last Sunday, Miami owner Wayne Huizenga announced that the team plans to forfeit the rest of the [continue reading...]

Posted on December 19th, 2007

Bill Belichick runs up score against son in Madden

FOXBORO, MA -- Patriots coach Bill Belichick made news late Sunday when he was accused of running up the score again, this time in a game of Madden '08 against [continue reading...]

Posted on November 19th, 2007

Dolphins to start contest winner at quarterback

MIAMI, FL –- Injuries and lack of fan interest have forced the Miami Dolphins to take drastic measures in their search for a starting quarterback. Late Friday, team officials announced [continue reading...]

Posted on November 17th, 2007

Williams buys testing company after reinstatement

MIAMI, FL –- An investigation by SSNN has revealed that running back Ricky Williams purchased a drug testing company immediately after his reinstatement into the NFL. "Ricky has a lot [continue reading...]

Posted on November 16th, 2007

British crowd expected 10-foot men playing soccer against sea mammals

LONDON, ENGLAND -- Tens of thousands of British sports fans are demanding their money back after attending the Giants–Dolphins game on Sunday at Wembley stadium. Confusion arose when many of [continue reading...]

Posted on October 30th, 2007

Dolphins lured to London in demotion ruse

LONDON, ENGLAND -- The Miami Dolphins were held in London today after their Sunday loss to the New York Giants, and are expected to be relegated to the second division, [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2007

Archie Manning implores reporters to consider exchange rate when evaluating Eli’s statistics

LONDON, ENGLAND -- After the New York Giants defeated the Miami Dolphins 13-10 on Sunday, former NFL quarterback Archie Manning implored reporters to consider the current exchange rate before they [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2007

Tom Brady now favorite Son of The Almighty

BOSTON, MA -- Seán Patrick Cardinal O'Malley, Archbishop of Boston, declared today that after watching a repeat of last weekend's contest between the Patriots and the Dolphins, it has become [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2007

Rams request mercy rule for future games

ST. LOUIS, MO -- Following Sunday’s 33-6 loss to Seattle, the St. Louis Rams submitted a mercy rule application to NFL headquarters. The rarely-used rule states that should a team [continue reading...]

Posted on October 22nd, 2007

Griese excited about opportunity, promises mediocrity

CHICAGO, IL -- Only hours after being named as the starter for Sunday's game with the Detroit Lions, Bears quarterback Brian Griese made a bold prediction the remainder [continue reading...]

Posted on September 27th, 2007

Culpepper blocks trade to Celtics

MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Dolphins had been on the verge of trading disgruntled quarterback Daunte Culpepper to the Boston Celtics for nearly a week. Serious talks were thwarted after [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2007

Williams files lawsuit

MIAMI, FL -- Suspended NFL player Ricky Williams filed a lawsuit at the Dade County Courthouse early Friday morning citing those he feels are responsible for his off-the-field issues. The [continue reading...]

Posted on May 26th, 2007

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