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NFL not looking for gang signs

Goodell does as he damn well pleases, thank you very much!

NEW YORK, NY -- A day after news outlets around the country reported that the National Football League was reviewing past game tapes to look for players flashing gang signs, [continue reading...]

Posted on July 17th, 2008

PETA protests Favre’s return

Favre loves animals, but PETA still hates him…

GREEN BAY, WI -- A protest by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals went horribly awry on Monday, leaving many longtime supporters confused and thousands of Brett Favre fans [continue reading...]

Posted on July 14th, 2008

Scandal rocks hot dog eating contest

Controversial back-to-back champ Chestnut stretches before a contest

CONEY ISLAND, NY -- Less than a week after the 93rd annual Nathan's International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest, controversy continues to swirl around the competitive eaters who participated [continue reading...]

Posted on July 10th, 2008

Source: Sabathia demanded trade to Milwaukee

Sabathia’s neck is well on its way to disappearing.

CLEVELAND, OH – Mere hours after the trade of C.C. Sabathia to the Milwaukee Brewers was reported by ESPN's Buster Olney, sources within the Cleveland Indians organization say the team [continue reading...]

Posted on July 7th, 2008

Email from George Bodenheimer to Roger Federer regarding proposed Wimbledon coverage

SSNN has obtained an exclusive communication from George Bodenheimer, president of ESPN, to Roger Federer, regarding Wimbledon. The text of the email is below. From: George Bodenheimer [espnsenor@yahoo.ca] Date: Thu, Jul [continue reading...]

Posted on July 3rd, 2008

ESPN unveils latest summer gimmick: “Who’s Porno Hot?”

BRISTOL, CT – Sports fans often dread the news wasteland that is the month of July; the NBA and NHL Finals are over, the NFL has yet to start training [continue reading...]

Posted on July 2nd, 2008

Walton hospitalized following overdose on psychedelic albums

Walton, shown handling his psychedelic music – things did not go this well last night…

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Hall of Fame basketball player and current NBA analyst Bill Walton was hospitalized late Monday night in what early reports are calling a psychedelic overdose. Walton's [continue reading...]

Posted on July 1st, 2008

Adam Scott missing after first round of U.S. Open

Adam Scott is theoretically somewhere in the San Diego area

SAN DIEGO, CA -- Amid all of the hoopla surrounding the pairing of the world's number one and number two golfers in the first two rounds of the U.S. Open, [continue reading...]

Posted on June 13th, 2008

Ginobili’s career in question

Ginobili is almost certainly flopping in this picture

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Already bounced from the Western Conference Finals in only five games by the Lakers, bad news keeps on coming for the defending champion San Antonio Spurs. [continue reading...]

Posted on May 30th, 2008

ESPN shuts down after running out of hair care products

Van Peezy – basically down for whatever…

BRISTOL, CT – Though it may often seem that nothing can stop the sports television juggernaut that is ESPN, the network was forced to shut down for several hours yesterday [continue reading...]

Posted on May 28th, 2008

Convicted steroids dealer admits supplying Kurkjian, Clayton

Steroids? This guy? Seriously?

PLANO, TX -- David Jacobs – a Plano man convicted of distributing steroids – told the Dallas Morning News late last month that he supplied steroids and masking agents to [continue reading...]

Posted on May 23rd, 2008

Cowell receives surprising position at ESPN

BRISTOL, CT -- ESPN officials announced Saturday that brash American Idol judge Simon Cowell will be hired as the new Director of College Scouting for the network’s talent evaluation organization [continue reading...]

Posted on May 10th, 2008

The Truth About Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel has been lying to us all along!

Posted on May 6th, 2008

Tejada delivers on promise to hit home run for 34 year old boy

HOUSTON, TX – What was one of the feel-good stories of this baseball season – Miguel Tejada promising a young boy he would hit a home run on Saturday, a [continue reading...]

Posted on May 6th, 2008

Mock draft administrator clearly a virgin

NEW YORK, NY -- With the 2008 NFL draft only hours away, many questions remain unanswered: who will be the highest quarterback drafted? Will any teams trade their first round [continue reading...]

Posted on April 26th, 2008

Kurkjian insists he’s never been kicked in the nuts

Tim Kurkjian

BRONX, NY -- It's the second Yankees-Red Sox series of the season – and the first in New York – which means the entire ESPN baseball staff is in the [continue reading...]

Posted on April 16th, 2008

Herbstreit nominated for Sexiest ESPN Employee

Kirk Herbstreit

COLUMBUS, OH -- College football analyst Kirk Herbstreit spoke briefly with SSNN via phone from his home Monday morning, hours after the former Ohio State quarterback was notified he has [continue reading...]

Posted on April 15th, 2008

Kiper, McShay to square off in MMA fight to settle draft beef

BRISTOL, CT -- Mel Kiper has been the pre-eminent voice of the NFL Draft for many years. He was the first of the so-called "draft experts" to hit the airwaves, [continue reading...]

Posted on April 3rd, 2008

ESPN scraps “Sports Guy on Tape”

BRISTOL, CT -- It's not often that the Worldwide Leader in Sports admits they made a mistake, but ESPN did just that today when it announced the end of its [continue reading...]

Posted on March 30th, 2008

Berman family regrets letting Chris deliver eulogy

NEW YORK -- The family of famed ESPN broadcaster Chris Berman is still reeling from a shocking, profanity-laced rant he delivered during the eulogy of his Aunt Jane on Sunday. [continue reading...]

Posted on March 26th, 2008

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