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Detroit Lions Archives

Matthew Stafford flees to Canada to avoid playing for Detroit Lions

NEW YORK, NY—Shortly after being notified that he had been drafted by the Detroit Lions, Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford packed what belongings he could carry and fled north to Canada, [continue reading...]

Posted on May 1st, 2009

Michael Crabtree looking forward to being selected by Lions

LUBBOCK, TX—NFL prospect Michael Crabtree is 100 percent certain that with the Detroit Lions holding the number one pick in the 2009 NFL draft, he, as the number one receiver [continue reading...]

Posted on February 7th, 2009

Obama signs executive order shutting down Detroit Lions

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Calling its existence “an affront to everything our nation stands for” and declaring its legacy “a stain upon our history that we will never be able to fully erase," [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2009

Schwartz hoping NFL adds regular season games for shot at loss record

Schwartz is thrilled for his opportunity in Detroit…

DETROIT, MI -- Now that he has been formally introduced as the head coach of the 0-16 Detroit Lions, former Tennessee Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz has begun the process [continue reading...]

Posted on January 17th, 2009

France declares war on Detroit Lions, ends 120-year losing streak

DETROIT, MI—Lions officials are reeling today after a surprise attack by France, in which French forces besieged and captured all Lions property within the city of Detroit. French paratroopers landed [continue reading...]

Posted on January 7th, 2009

2008 Year in Review, #18: Favre apologizes for behavior, shares Packers playbook with everyone

NEW YORK NY—A disgraced Brett Favre confessed to reporters on Monday that he had indeed tipped off the Lions about the Packers playbook schemes before his former team faced Detroit [continue reading...]

Posted on December 27th, 2008

Millen Claims 0-16 Lions Season will be his Magnum Opus

DETROIT, MI—The Detroit Lions made history on Sunday, becoming the first 0-15 team in the history of the NFL, and look poised to become the first team to finish a [continue reading...]

Posted on December 22nd, 2008

Lions see potential in winless season

DETROIT -- Much has been made in the media about the Detroit Lions’ quest for the perfectly imperfect NFL season: a winless record through sixteen games – a feat never [continue reading...]

Posted on December 17th, 2008

Florida Gators remove Detroit Lions from 2009 schedule due to BCS concerns

GAINESVILLE, FL -- The Florida Gators have called the Detroit Lions and informed them that they will be cancelling next year's proposed game, which was to be played at a [continue reading...]

Posted on November 28th, 2008

Vick pleads guilty, sentenced to four years as Lions QB

DETROIT, MI -- Michael Vick flew to Virginia this week and plead guilty to state charges of dogfighting. Vick struck a deal in which he'll not have to face additional [continue reading...]

Posted on November 27th, 2008

Lions thinking about drafting a receiver with the first pick in the draft

DETROIT, MI -- The Detroit Lions have announced that they are seriously considering taking Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree with the first pick in the NFL draft, said General Manager [continue reading...]

Posted on November 26th, 2008

Lions sign Fox NFL Robot to shore up defense

DETROIT -- In a desperate attempt to shore up their ailing defense, the Detroit Lions have signed the FOX NFL Robot to play outside linebacker. "He's pretty consistent," said WR [continue reading...]

Posted on November 23rd, 2008

GroupWrite: Favre calls McCain, tells him how to beat Obama

SSNN is introducing a new feature in which we'll announce a headline and solicit input from our readers, that we'll put together into a story written by the readership. If [continue reading...]

Posted on November 2nd, 2008

Favre apologizes for behavior, shares Packers playbook with everyone

Posted on October 20th, 2008

Petulant Favre writes his name on all of his groceries in family fridge

NEW YORK, NY -- Brett Favre, Super Bowl winning quarterback and future Hall of Famer, has always been known for having the heart of a champion. Now, however, he's increasingly [continue reading...]

Posted on October 20th, 2008

TO: “Roy Williams and I will be the perfect couple”

DALLAS, TX -- Terrell Owens moved quickly Wednesday to squash any doubts that he will be a perfect teammate for wide receiver Roy Williams, whom the Cowboys obtained from the [continue reading...]

Posted on October 15th, 2008

Millen joins McCain campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Recently dismissed from his controversial tenure as President and CEO of the Detroit Lions, NFL pariah Matt Millen has announced he will be temporarily putting his football career on [continue reading...]

Posted on September 25th, 2008

Packer fans disgusted: Favre would’ve thrown 4 tds

GREEN BAY, WI—Aaron Rogers has impressed the football world in his first two NFL starts, leading the Packers to a 2-0 start and throwing no interceptions thus far. On Sunday's [continue reading...]

Posted on September 16th, 2008

Kitna predicts Lions will win Super Bowl, end world hunger

DETROIT, MI -- Last season, Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna made a bold prediction that his team couldn't quite live up to – now he expects even bigger things in [continue reading...]

Posted on May 15th, 2008

Millen reveals Lions’ draft plans

DETROIT, MI -- After a somewhat disappointing 7-9 season, many Detroit Lions' fans are worried about the team's future. But team president Matt Millen addressed those concerns today in a [continue reading...]

Posted on March 11th, 2008