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Derek Jeter Archives

Hal Steinbrenner thinks Derek Jeter may get a lot of chicks

NEW YORK -- Fresh off his revelation last week that Yankees ticket prices are too high, Hal Steinbrenner dropped another bombshell this week, indicating that he has also surmised that [continue reading...]

Posted on April 4th, 2009

Collective Yawn Goes Unheard

Miami, FL -- Government agencies along the East Coast of the United States have reported a previously uncharted seismic occurrence. Newly developed technology designed to measure the effect of [continue reading...]

Posted on March 22nd, 2009

Yankees assign Mark Teixeira to wake up CC Sabathia from hibernation

NEW YORK -- With spring training just around the corner, the New York Yankees are beginning their final preparations for the season. This year, that includes the daunting task of [continue reading...]

Posted on January 23rd, 2009

Suddenly feeling very poor, Jeter mails in gold gloves to be melted down for extra cash

Jeter is proud of his cash-getting skills.

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After watching his team commit a total of more than $420 million to free agents in the offseason, New York Yankees stalwart captain and shortstop [continue reading...]

Posted on January 9th, 2009

A-Rod and Madonna schedule Xmas party for the night before Jeter’s

NEW YORK, NY -- Every year for the last ten, Derek Jeter has rented out the Broome Street Bar one of the last weekends before Christmas, and he has all [continue reading...]

Posted on November 27th, 2008

Local man goes “slumpbusting” to end bad streak at work; wife is furious

IOWA CITY, IA -- Local communications specialist David O'Reilly has been having some trouble at work recently, so he finally decided to do something about it. "I haven't been able to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 22nd, 2008

Jeter preparing for October by buying tickets online

NEW YORK -- Derek Jeter is ready for October, the month that he normally spends very much involved with the MLB Playoffs. "This year, October is a little different for me," [continue reading...]

Posted on October 1st, 2008

Satan to Yankees fans: “It’s out of my hands”

NEW YORK, NY -- Yankee fans woke up to horrifying news this morning, after Satan, Prince of Lies and Ruler of Darkness, gave a dour prognosis for the Bronx Bombers. [continue reading...]

Posted on August 28th, 2008

ESPN unveils latest summer gimmick: “Who’s Porno Hot?”

BRISTOL, CT – Sports fans often dread the news wasteland that is the month of July; the NBA and NHL Finals are over, the NFL has yet to start training [continue reading...]

Posted on July 2nd, 2008

A-Rod refuses to eat clubhouse food after Betemit double-dip

A-Rod makes this face when he wants to look tough.

PITTSBURGH, PA -- Even though the Yankees hammered the Pirates 10-0 in Pittsburgh last night, it wasn't all smiles for the Bronx Bombers. After the game, an altercation started around [continue reading...]

Posted on June 26th, 2008

Yankees accidentally allow Chamberlain to finish his dinner

Joba Chamberlain likes to yell and scream… and eat.

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Appearing at a rare press conference together with manager Joe Girardi, Yankees chairman Hank Steinbrenner revealed that star pitcher Joba Chamberlain had accidentally been allowed [continue reading...]

Posted on June 20th, 2008

Actress Milano expected to break Ripken streak

Oh, the things Alyssa could do with that bat and a major leaguer…

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- According to her online baseball blog, former Charmed star Alyssa Milano expects to have sex with Tampa Bay Rays rookie bullpen catcher Arturo Guzman this Saturday night, [continue reading...]

Posted on June 12th, 2008

Confused Yankees show up at World Series of Poker

A-Rod really thought this was his World Series opportunity…

LAS VEGAS, NV -- The New York Yankees, in a state of utter confusion, showed up this week at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, where the World [continue reading...]

Posted on June 7th, 2008

Jeter, Giambi claim thong sharing part of Sex in the City promotion

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After word leaked that the pair often share a gold thong to "bust slumps," New York Yankees Derek Jeter and Jason Giambi said it was [continue reading...]

Posted on May 20th, 2008

Rodriguez denies quad injury is attempt to be like Jeter

A-Rod is NOT trying to be Jeter - or so he says

NEW YORK, NY -- New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez left Sunday's 7-1 win over the Baltimore Orioles with a strained quad, but the All-Star denies accusations that his [continue reading...]

Posted on April 21st, 2008

MLB players urge Canseco to concentrate on family, hobbies instead of finishing new book

MIAMI, FL -- Nearly three years after Jose Canseco's highly controversial book Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big, the publishing world is abuzz with [continue reading...]

Posted on April 17th, 2008

Yanks lied about Jeter’s injury to protect “sex icon” status

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After legging out an infield hit in the New York Yankees 6-1 victory over Tampa Bay earlier in the week, Derek Jeter was taken out [continue reading...]

Posted on April 11th, 2008

Ian Kennedy named Governor of New York to replace Spitzer

ALBANY, NY -- Leveraging a little-known clause called the "Best Kennedy available" clause, New York democrats have decided to install Ian Kennedy as their new governor, to replace the deposed [continue reading...]

Posted on March 14th, 2008

Jeter annoying teammates with new joke

TAMPA, FL -- As spring training begins, Derek Jeter is on thin ice with a number of his teammates, who are already annoyed with his new "signature" joke. "I've got this [continue reading...]

Posted on February 14th, 2008

Yankees to hold spring training in Baghdad

NEW YORK, NY -- Citing a lack of conditioning and mental toughness as a root cause of their annual playoff failures, New York Yankees management has announced that this year, [continue reading...]

Posted on February 13th, 2008