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Dallas Cowboys Archives
Patrick Henry makes bold statement in anticipation of revolution
RICHMOND, VA -- A recent revelation shows that Patrick Henry, Virginia statesman and revolutionary hero, actually said more in his most famous quote than he is generally given credit for. The [continue reading...]
Posted on August 13th, 2008
ESPN scrambling for Wednesday programming
BRISTOL, CT -- With the trade of Brett Favre from the Green Bay Packers to the New York Jets completed late last night, panic struck at ESPN headquarters. "Boy, was that [continue reading...]
Posted on August 7th, 2008
Actual email from President Bush regarding the commution of Marion “Pacman” Jones’ prison sentence
SSNN has obtained an exclusive email from President George W. Bush to White House Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten. Bush received a request from Olympic sprinter Marion Jones to commute [continue reading...]
Posted on August 6th, 2008
Benson to enroll in flight school after latest arrest, release from Bears
AUSTIN, TX -- Though Cedric Benson's two alcohol-related arrests this summer led to his being cut from the Chicago Bears, they have not diminished his desire to succeed. "Like I've told [continue reading...]
Posted on June 10th, 2008
Convicted steroids dealer admits supplying Kurkjian, Clayton
PLANO, TX -- David Jacobs – a Plano man convicted of distributing steroids – told the Dallas Morning News late last month that he supplied steroids and masking agents to [continue reading...]
Posted on May 23rd, 2008
Dolphins may hold dance contest to lure Taylor back
MIAMI, FL -- Contrary to public reports stating otherwise, SSNN has learned that the Miami Dolphins are desperate to bring back Pro Bowl defensive end Jason Taylor. In recent months, [continue reading...]
Posted on May 22nd, 2008
Dallas strip clubs arm security in anticipation of Pacman’s arrival
DALLAS, TX – Adam "Pacman" Jones will arrive in Dallas this season as the Cowboys' newest cornerback, and the locals are preparing. Strip clubs in the Dallas-Fort Worth area have [continue reading...]
Posted on April 29th, 2008
Walker selected in fourth and seventh rounds of draft
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- More than twenty years has passed since Herschel Walker was drafted by the Dallas Cowboys in the fifth round of the 1985 NFL Draft. But [continue reading...]
Posted on April 28th, 2008
Chad Johnson requests trade to Dallas
CINCINNATI, OH -- In yet another twist to the epic drama that is Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson, the disgruntled star has named the team he wants to be [continue reading...]
Posted on April 25th, 2008
Jones confident plans to “smoke myself retarded” won’t affect reinstatement
DALLAS, TX -- With a trade to Dallas a possibility, Pacman Jones is singularly focused on getting reinstated to the NFL and continuing his football career, but the one-time Tennessee [continue reading...]
Posted on April 20th, 2008
Jones accidentally files for reinstatement with IRS
NASHVILLE, TN -- Racing against the clock to meet a Tuesday night deadline, suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones accidentally filed for reinstatement with the Internal Revenue Service. IRS commissioner [continue reading...]
Posted on April 18th, 2008
Prostitute accused of involvement with NFL player fears reputation may be ruined
LAS VEGAS, NV -- Until May of last year, Rosie Cruz lived a nice, quiet life as a Las Vegas prostitute. But when Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker Richard Seigler was arrested [continue reading...]
Posted on April 3rd, 2008
Anticipating future house arrests, Tank Johnson purchases mobile home for 2008 road games
DALLAS, TX -- With the expectation that he will probably be placed under house arrest for speeding, carrying concealed weapons or drunk driving at some point during the upcoming season, [continue reading...]
Posted on April 2nd, 2008
Cowboys hire Michael Irvin to counsel troubled players
DALLAS, TX -- Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has a new resource at his disposal to help him deal with players who violate the law. Reports out of Dallas say [continue reading...]
Posted on March 26th, 2008
At least two Walker personalities interested in comeback
AUGUSTA, GA -- Former NFL running back Herschel Walker may very well have announced his bid for a comeback. Walker, who retired in 1997 and recently revealed he has multiple [continue reading...]
Posted on March 15th, 2008
Giuliani endorses McCain for Redskins head coaching job
SIMI VALLEY, CA -- Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani endorsed his "friend and fellow Republican" John McCain for the position of head coach of the Washington Redskins on Wednesday, in [continue reading...]
Posted on January 31st, 2008
‘Cowboys cheerleader tells Jessica Simpson to ’step off’
DALLAS, TX -- A Dallas Cowboys cheerleader is crying right now, but it’s for a totally different reason than T.O. Twenty-one year-old and two-year "Cowgirls" veteran Kandi Harris has publicly [continue reading...]
Posted on January 16th, 2008
Simpson’s “Ginormous bozangas” may have been distraction to Romo
IRVING, TEX - NFL commentators are providing a variety of analysis for the many probable reasons for the NY Giants 21-17 NFC [continue reading...]
Posted on January 14th, 2008
Romo dentist appointment comes at bad time for Cowboys
DALLAS, TX -- An irate Wade Phillips, barely able to hold his tongue, told assembled media that Tony Romo's three-hour dental appointment Friday "could have had better timing." "In [continue reading...]
Posted on January 11th, 2008
Cowboys set to play Panthers without Barber
CHARLOTTE, NC -- The Dallas Cowboys are playing a crucial road game this weekend, but will be doing so without Marion Barber III, who missed the team plane and will [continue reading...]
Posted on December 22nd, 2007
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