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Chicago White Sox Archives
Obama to throw out first pitch at Sox opener; Cubs get Sarah Palin
CHICAGO, IL -- In the immediate aftermath of the US Presidential Election, Chicago White Sox general manager Kenny Williams invited President-Elect Barack Obama to throw out the first pitch of [continue reading...]
Posted on December 25th, 2008
Mike Tyson opens mutual fund to save for future
BROOKLYN, N.Y.—Mike Tyson has opened a State Farm International Equity Fund Class B mutual fund account, and is depositing $50/month as he begins to build a savings for the future. [continue reading...]
Posted on December 15th, 2008
B.J. Upton benched for remainder of playoffs for lack of hustle during post-game celebration
TAMPA BAY, FL -- A distraught Joe Maddon told reporters that B.J. Upton had left him "no choice," and that the Rays star centerfielder would be benched for the remainder [continue reading...]
Posted on October 8th, 2008
Delmon Young apparently thinks today’s game decides the World Series championship
CHICAGO -- An apparently confused Delmon Young arrived at U.S. Cellular Field convinced that today's one-game playoff between the White Sox and the Twins will decide the 2008 Major League [continue reading...]
Posted on September 30th, 2008
White Sox’ Ozzie Guillen proposes to “swap teams” with Twins’ Ron Gardenhire
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Following a crushing defeat in the third game of a three-game sweep that vaulted the Minnesota Twins into first place in the AL central, Ozzie Guillen made [continue reading...]
Posted on September 26th, 2008
White Sox star Carlos Quentin injured while being treated for injury
CHICAGO, IL – Only days after the Chicago White Sox suffered a potentially fatal blow to their season at the hands of the poor decision-making skills of star Carlos Quentin, [continue reading...]
Posted on September 8th, 2008
Baseball owners want to use instant replay to review Selig hiring
NEW YORK, NY -- As the professional baseball owners gather to consider instant replay, SSNN has learned that many of the owners are interested in using the technology to take [continue reading...]
Posted on August 19th, 2008
Harden invites teammates to view WALL-E
CHICAGO, IL -- In what he hoped would be a team-building exercise that would let his teammates get to know him a bit better, Rich Harden invited several Cubs teammates [continue reading...]
Posted on August 6th, 2008
Ken Griffey tears hamstring
CHICAGO, IL -- In what can only be described as a freak accident, new Chicago White Sox centerfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. has torn his hamstring before ever setting foot on [continue reading...]
Posted on August 1st, 2008
Rangers to sponsor “Josh Hamilton Night” in Arlington
ARLINGTON, TX -- The Texas Rangers sent out a press release early Monday announcing that the Friday, July 11 home game against the Chicago White Sox has officially been designated [continue reading...]
Posted on June 30th, 2008
Twins defect to NL, lead West division by four games
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- In what has been called a daring midnight escape, the entire Minnesota Twins organization defected from the gray, dreary American League Central to the sunny climes of [continue reading...]
Posted on June 28th, 2008
Major League managers pay tribute to Carlin
CHICAGO, IL -- The death of actor/comedian George Carlin has not only had an effect on the entertainment community, but the sports community as well. The stand-up legend's influence was [continue reading...]
Posted on June 24th, 2008
Konerko heads to DL, Chicago rejoices
CHICAGO, IL -- There was a distinct buzz in the air around the South Side of Chicago Tuesday, after White Sox first baseman Paul Konerko was placed on the 15-day [continue reading...]
Posted on June 17th, 2008
Guillen says “fuck it,” pencils self into lineup
CHICAGO, IL -- Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has taken yet another bizarre step in his managerial tenure: he says he will be in the starting lineup for Wednesday's [continue reading...]
Posted on June 4th, 2008
Stern denies funny business in Draft Lottery
CHICAGO, IL -- After the Chicago Bulls' unlikely acquisition of the first overall pick in Tuesday night's NBA Draft Lottery, conspiracy theories have been shouted from the rooftops in Miami, [continue reading...]
Posted on May 21st, 2008
Dead cardinal, white sock found under Bartman’s seat at Wrigley
CHICAGO, IL -- Maybe Wrigley Field is cursed after all. Days after a Boston Red Sox fan who was working construction on the new Yankee Stadium buried a Red Sox [continue reading...]
Posted on April 15th, 2008
Guillen to take cue from South Park, get V-chip installed
TUCSON, AZ -- A V-chip is a system whereby parents can block out television programs they deem inappropriate for their children. In baseball terms, it can now be applied to [continue reading...]
Posted on March 27th, 2008
Williams trying desparately to trade for Gonzalez
CHICAGO, IL -- Reports out of Chicago late Thursday indicated that White Sox GM Kenny Williams is burning up the phone lines, trying to pry Gio Gonzalez away from the [continue reading...]
Posted on January 4th, 2008
FROM THE ARCHIVES: Clemens conspiracy uncovered
As you try to make sense of the video that Roger Clemens posted on his website today, denying all use of performance enhancing drugs, just remember that he's lied to [continue reading...]
Posted on December 23rd, 2007
FROM THE ARCHIVES: A-Rod torturing Jeter over dinner tab
As A-Rod prepares himself for an offseason of criticism and mockery, we pile on with a classic from earlier this year. BRONX, NY -- Citing an agonizingly annoying three months, [continue reading...]
Posted on November 12th, 2007
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