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Adrian Peterson Archives
Vikings blame weather for playoff loss
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Meeting the media after their disappointing 26-14 playoff loss to the Philadelphia Eagles, members of the Minnesota Vikings readily acknowledged the sloppiness of their game, but were [continue reading...]
Posted on January 5th, 2009
Tarvaris Jackson constantly nonplussed
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Reports from Vikings camp indicate that quarterback Tarvaris Jackson has accomplished at least two things so far this season – he has managed to fend off Brett [continue reading...]
Posted on August 13th, 2008
ESPN unveils latest summer gimmick: “Who’s Porno Hot?”
BRISTOL, CT – Sports fans often dread the news wasteland that is the month of July; the NBA and NHL Finals are over, the NFL has yet to start training [continue reading...]
Posted on July 2nd, 2008
Raiders determined not to let McFadden interfere with 2009 draft plans
OAKLAND, CA -- Oakland Raiders coach Lane Kiffin told reporters today that first-round draft choice Darren McFadden will not be allowed to ruin the team's future plans by having a [continue reading...]
Posted on May 5th, 2008
Bears’ Adrian Peterson admits to cloning evil twin
CHICAGO, IL -- At a press conference this afternoon, Chicago Bears' running back Adrian Peterson admitted that he cloned himself when he was a child. "I was six," the 28-year [continue reading...]
Posted on January 9th, 2008
NFL teams sponsor Peterson cloning experiment
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- SSNN has received word that at least four NFL teams have reached an agreement with the Minnesota Vikings to attempt to clone Adrian Peterson. NFL organizations in [continue reading...]
Posted on December 20th, 2007
Vikings fined for having Adrian Peterson wear Chester Taylor’s uniform
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- It's been a year of deception in the NFL. Only months after the New England Patriots got the league's largest ever fine, the Minnesota Vikings received a [continue reading...]
Posted on December 10th, 2007
Peterson expects to play Sunday despite leg amputation
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- The Vikings have yet to rule out star running back Adrian Peterson for Sunday's game, despite reports that the rookie will likely have his injured leg amputated. [continue reading...]
Posted on November 14th, 2007
Spencer from The Hills makes anti-fantasy football comments, solidifies title as ‘biggest douche ever’
HOLLYWOOD HILLS, CA -- Spencer Pratt, long established as the biggest douche in modern America, has reportedly clinched the title as biggest douche in human history after making a [continue reading...]
Posted on November 5th, 2007
Adrian Peterson wins New York Marathon
NEW YORK, N.Y.--A surprise entrant in Sunday's New York Marathon ended up winning the whole thing, as Adrian "Thesaurus" Peterson edged out Martin Lel of Kenya and Morroccan Abderrahim [continue reading...]
Posted on November 4th, 2007
Injury to keep fantasy owner out for the season
SHREVEPORT, LA -- Things have gone from bad to worse for Lance Daniels. Despite a victory last week in a crucial game, the owner of the Big Test Icicles will [continue reading...]
Posted on October 19th, 2007
Peterson signs endorsement deal with Roget’s
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- In addition to his tremendous on-field success and surging popularity in the Twin Cities, Adrian Peterson has a new, moderately lucrative endorsement deal to smile about. According to [continue reading...]
Posted on October 15th, 2007
17,000 morons realize they had wrong Adrian Peterson
USA -- Thousands of complete morons checked their fantasy teams with expectant glee Sunday afternoon, only to realize that they'd drafted or picked up the wrong Adrian Peterson, [continue reading...]
Posted on September 12th, 2007
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