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Alex Rodriguez Archives

Sarah Palin eats Scott Boras’s soul, becomes nicer

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- SSNN has learned that Sarah Palin ate Scott Boras's soul last night, and actually became a much more friendly, generous person than she had been beforehand. "Yes, I [continue reading...]

Posted on September 4th, 2008

Satan to Yankees fans: “It’s out of my hands”

NEW YORK, NY -- Yankee fans woke up to horrifying news this morning, after Satan, Prince of Lies and Ruler of Darkness, gave a dour prognosis for the Bronx Bombers. [continue reading...]

Posted on August 28th, 2008

WNBA - Whatever it Takes to Keep People Watching

Looks like a lot has changed in the world of sports since I last blogged. WNBA making headlines? Hummina? Ladies, I have to say that the Biotch is very proud of [continue reading...]

Posted on July 30th, 2008

Cynth-Rod accuses Madonna of tampering

Madonna remains skinny, but has become creepy.

MIAMI, FL -- In a bold and unorthodox move, Cynthia Rodriguez has accused Madonna of tampering with her soon-to-be-ex-husband Alex Rodriguez, and has asked NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to make [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2008

PETA protests Favre’s return

Favre loves animals, but PETA still hates him…

GREEN BAY, WI -- A protest by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals went horribly awry on Monday, leaving many longtime supporters confused and thousands of Brett Favre fans [continue reading...]

Posted on July 14th, 2008

SSNN forced to pull A-Rod story when it actually becomes true

A-Rod’s Kabbalah study caused near disaster at SSNN.

CHICAGO, IL -- The Serious Sports News Network is reeling today after an ironic twist of events which resulted in a scheduled story for the satire site being pulled from [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

Cynthia Rodriguez seeking half in divorce filing

C-Rod hopes to be the next great power/speed prospect in MLB…

MIAMI, FL -- Citing irreconcilable differences, Cynthia Rodriguez has filed for divorce from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez, seeking half of her husband's money and assets, including at least half [continue reading...]

Posted on July 7th, 2008

Changes in store for All-Star Game

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After a wildly popular voting session that boasted an all-time high 20 million votes, MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced today that there will be a [continue reading...]

Posted on July 7th, 2008

Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez end marriage on technicality

NEW YORK, NY -- Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez have formally announced their separation today, ending their five-year marriage which produced loads of back-page fodder for the New York Post and [continue reading...]

Posted on July 3rd, 2008

A-Rod’s heart touched by Katy Perry single

A-Rod is presumably preparing to kiss someone, possibly with cherry chapstick

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- With the New York Yankees hovering in third place in the AL East, 5.5 games behind the surging Tampa Bay Rays, Alex Rodriguez has been [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2008

A-Rod refuses to eat clubhouse food after Betemit double-dip

A-Rod makes this face when he wants to look tough.

PITTSBURGH, PA -- Even though the Yankees hammered the Pirates 10-0 in Pittsburgh last night, it wasn't all smiles for the Bronx Bombers. After the game, an altercation started around [continue reading...]

Posted on June 26th, 2008

Yankees accidentally allow Chamberlain to finish his dinner

Joba Chamberlain likes to yell and scream… and eat.

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Appearing at a rare press conference together with manager Joe Girardi, Yankees chairman Hank Steinbrenner revealed that star pitcher Joba Chamberlain had accidentally been allowed [continue reading...]

Posted on June 20th, 2008

Mets set booing records during Sunday doubleheader

FLUSHING, NY -- In a season full of disappointment, the New York Mets can now at least say they've set a few records. The team set several booing records during [continue reading...]

Posted on June 16th, 2008

Ken Griffey, Jr. reaches 600

Griffey shows off his “I’m about to get injured” face

MIAMI, FL – Cincinnati Reds outfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. celebrated hitting his 600th career home run this week, becoming the sixth player in history and third in the last six [continue reading...]

Posted on June 11th, 2008

Don Zimmer panics, frantically calls friends in New York after watching Cloverfield

Zim smoked a cigar in tribute to his dead friend Joe Torre

TAMPA, FL -- An extremely confused and concerned Don Zimmer frantically began calling former New York Yankees teammates and fellow coaches yesterday, after seeing the movie Cloverfield and growing concerned [continue reading...]

Posted on June 9th, 2008

Confused Yankees show up at World Series of Poker

A-Rod really thought this was his World Series opportunity…

LAS VEGAS, NV -- The New York Yankees, in a state of utter confusion, showed up this week at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, where the World [continue reading...]

Posted on June 7th, 2008

Rodriguez denies quad injury is attempt to be like Jeter

A-Rod is NOT trying to be Jeter - or so he says

NEW YORK, NY -- New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez left Sunday's 7-1 win over the Baltimore Orioles with a strained quad, but the All-Star denies accusations that his [continue reading...]

Posted on April 21st, 2008

MLB now using SurveyMonkey to conduct major rule changes

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Serious Sports News Network received word late Thursday that Major League Baseball has adopted a new and controversial method of reviewing proposed rule changes. "We've basically [continue reading...]

Posted on April 10th, 2008

A-Rod teaching himself to switch hit with help of wife

NEW YORK, NY -- He's already considered the best player in the game by most baseball fans, but it seems that Alex Rodriguez has more tricks up his sleeve in [continue reading...]

Posted on April 8th, 2008

Ian Kennedy named Governor of New York to replace Spitzer

ALBANY, NY -- Leveraging a little-known clause called the "Best Kennedy available" clause, New York democrats have decided to install Ian Kennedy as their new governor, to replace the deposed [continue reading...]

Posted on March 14th, 2008

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