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2008 MLB Playoffs Archives

Chase Utley erupts in profanity during charity bingo night at retirement home

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Phillies second baseman and all-around nice guy Chase Utley raised a lot of eyebrows last week when he declared that the Phillies were now "World Fucking Champions" [continue reading...]

Posted on November 10th, 2008

Obama uses entire half-hour infomercial to talk about Cole Hamels

SUNRISE, FL -- In what may go down as the major surprise in this year's election, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama used his entire, $4 million half-hour infomercial to make [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2008

Rays ask MLB to refund costs of non-refundable plane tickets

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The Tampa Bay Rays have made an unusual request to Major League Baseball today, asking Bud Selig if they can have the cost of 50 non-refundable plane [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2008

BJ Upton plans on stealing 900 bases next year

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Moments after BJ Upton prolonged the World Series by stealing second base and then scoring on a single to left, the Tampa Bay Rays centerfielder predicted that [continue reading...]

Posted on October 28th, 2008

Evan Longoria afraid of spiders, snakes, and World Series

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Prior to this week, Evan Longoria had only two major fears: spiders and snakes. However, teammates from the Tampa Bay Rays report that Longoria can safely add [continue reading...]

Posted on October 27th, 2008

B.J. Upton steals three bases and Joe Buck’s heart

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- With three swift stolen bases in the sixth and eighth innings, B.J. Upton stole the Tampa Bay Rays back into Saturday night's World Series game, and, more [continue reading...]

Posted on October 26th, 2008

Paris Hilton keeps asking boyfriend Benji Madden for tickets to World Series

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Blonde bombshell Paris Hilton has her boyfriend quite confused. Benji Madden, who is the guitarist for Good Charlotte, has been dating Hilton for months, and has been asked [continue reading...]

Posted on October 22nd, 2008

Rays forfeit first game of World Series

TAMPA BAY, FL -- In an unusual move, the Tampa Bay Rays have officially forfeited the first game of the 2008 World Series, under the provision that Phillies pitcher Cole [continue reading...]

Posted on October 20th, 2008

Local man catches self accidentally rooting for Red Sox; pukes on new couch

TERRE HAUTE, IN -- Local consultant John DeWitte was just sitting around on Thursday night, catching a little baseball while his wife Stephanie napped on the couch next to him. [continue reading...]

Posted on October 17th, 2008

Rays heading to Tampa for game one of World Series anyway

TAMPA BAY, FL -- The Tampa Bay Rays flew home early this morning, celebrating as they plan on starting the World Series at home next Wednesday, even though they lost [continue reading...]

Posted on October 17th, 2008

Red Sox “exhaustion plan” working to perfection

BOSTON, MA -- The Boston Red Sox have the Tampa Bay Rays exactly where they want them. "Yeah, our plan is working perfectly," said manager Terry Francona. "We came into this [continue reading...]

Posted on October 14th, 2008

Joe Buck walking around telling people about the significance of mundane events

LOS ANGELES and PHILADELPHIA -- Fox baseball announcer Joe Buck, overtaken with excitement about the National League Championship Series, has taken to describing the immense importance of ordinary events to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 14th, 2008

God apologizes to Jews for scheduling Yom Kippur during Hamels start

PHILADELPHIA and HEAVEN -- A remorseful God, already reeling from a very taxing Day of Atonement, issued a tearful apology to the world's Jews for a scheduling snafu which saw [continue reading...]

Posted on October 9th, 2008

Cubs infielders mad at Zambrano for inducing so many groundballs

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN CHICAGO AND LOS ANGELES -- As the Chicago Cubs traveled toward Los Angeles down two games to none against the Los Angeles Dodgers, several of the Cubs' infielders [continue reading...]

Posted on October 3rd, 2008

White Sox’ Ozzie Guillen proposes to “swap teams” with Twins’ Ron Gardenhire

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Following a crushing defeat in the third game of a three-game sweep that vaulted the Minnesota Twins into first place in the AL central, Ozzie Guillen made [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2008

Selig to Astros: “Stop complaining, or I’ll make you play the entire 2009 season in Montreal.”

HOUSTON, TX -- As many Houston Astros players and fans express their outrage at Bud Selig's decision to force the Astros to play two makeup "home games" in Milwaukee, Selig [continue reading...]

Posted on September 22nd, 2008

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