Crowd wondering who that white dude next to Michael Jordan is

SPRINGFIELD, MA—Attendees at the 2009 Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame induction ceremony on Friday, to a person, had no idea who the white guy holding up a jersey with the name “Stockton” is. Further confusion was summarily generated by the fact that none of the Hall’s inductees seemed perturbed by the fact that a short creepy-looking pale guy was standing next to them.

“Hey, who’s that white boy standing with the inductees?” asked longtime Michael Jordan teammate Scottie Pippen. “They aren’t letting fans up there, are they?”

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Eric Hartley, a longtime basketball fan present at the ceremony was similarly puzzled by the shrimpy-looking white guy and his proximity to the Greatest Basketball Player Ever.

“Is he like a family friend or something? Or is that his agent? What’s he doing up there?” pondered Hartley.

“I bet that douchebag thinks he’s the man, standing so close to Jordan,” Hartley added.

None of the Hall’s newest members seemed at all concerned by the presence of the mysterious individual, and at no point did security attempt to remove the pasty man wearing a cheap suit.

“They’re all such class acts, I bet they have assholes try to get a piece of them all the time,” speculated diehard Bulls fan Colin Wiesenhoff. “They’re too cool and professional to let some punk ruin their moment. But still, why isn’t security doing something about that loser?”

None of the attendees present were able to identify the man in question, though speculation about the man’s identity ranged from a crazed Jordan stalker to a David Robinson who had “really let himself go”.

“I wanted to say Larry Bird at first, but then I remembered that he had blonde hair, so it’s not him,” said ESPN analyst Michael Wilbon.

“Stockton…Stockton…it’s just not ringing a bell,” concluded Wilbon.

“That guy was up there earlier,” recalled Hall-of-Famer Charles Barkley. “I think he was one of those intermission speakers so the cameras can cut to commercials. He kept babbling about Utah or something. He’s probably a Mormon or whatever.”

In unrelated news, John Stockton, the NBA’s all-time leader in steals and assists celebrated his induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame by taking his wife and children to T.G.I. Friday’s.