Local 12-year-olds disappointed by lack of Kobe-LeBron Final

KINGSBURY, NY—Local 12-year-olds Howard Harrison and Damien Shingwel announced today their disappointment that this year’s much-anticipated, much-hyped potential NBA Finals matchup between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Los Angeles Lakers would not come to fruition. Speaking from the basement in Harrison’s parent’s home, the pair stated their unwavering resentment at being deprived of the superstar showdown, but did admit that a Lakers-Magic meeting might be fun to watch also.

“Dude, a LeBron-Kobe matchup would easily be the greatest final ever,” an impassioned Harrison told SSNN. “Imagine all that awesomeness in a seven-game series.”

“For serious,” concurred Shingwel. “Those two are prolly, like, the greatest athletes in the history of forever.”

The two Fort Ann Central six-graders impressed upon SSNN their strong belief that, while a Dwight Howard-Kobe Braynt battle would probably prove to be pretty cool anyway, there was just no way that it would ever be as dope as it would be if it were LeBron vs. Kobe.

“I mean, the Orlando Magic?” sneered Shingwel. “They’re only, I dunno, the gayest fuc—freaking team ever.

“I mean, Dwight Howard is pretty wicked,” Shingwel conceded. “He was pretty sick at the Dunk Contest. I loved that Superman thing. But still, the Magic? Not cool.”

The two youths expressed anger that the promises and predictions of the sports media had failed to come true, and questioned the wisdom of even holding playoffs that had the potential to deviate from media hype.

“Pretty much all I’ve been waiting for all spring was to see a Cavs-Lakers series, and now I have to watch this crap,” complained Harrison. “It’s like, why even bother having the regular playoffs? We all want to see James and Kobe do their thing, so just fast-forward to the finals and automatically put them there. Jesus, it’s not complicated,”

“All we hear for months is LeBron-Kobe, LeBron-Kobe. And now, suddenly it’s like ‘oops, guess you shouldn’t assume a certain meeting in the finals just because that’d be great for ratings which you really need because your league is losing credibility because it’ s run by a two-timing moron.’ I mean, that ‘anything can happen’ stuff isn’t true for the NBA, right?” asked Shingwel.

While the boys were steadfast in their belief that James and Bryant were the two greatest players ever to set foot on the hardwood, with the possible exception of Michael Jordan and some of those old guys, they were not able to agree on which player was the more dominant. The interview quickly broke down into a small argument when Shingwel claimed Kobe was the superior athlete.

“It’s def Kobe. Kobe is a proven vet and—”

“Dude, LeBron would kick Kobe’s ass any day. He’s The Chosen One.” interrupted Harrison.

“No way, Kobe is god, yo,” declared Shingwel with a tone of finality. “Anyway, Kobe has three rings though, remember? He has to be the greatest winner prolly ever,” Shingwel suggested.

“No, Tim Duncan has, two or three, I think,” said Harrison.

“Oh, yeah,” realized a slightly defeated Shingwel. “But still, that has to be top two or three all-time, at least.”

The youngsters grudgingly admitted that the current series, scheduled to begin this week, could prove enjoyable, but refused to entertain any thoughts about an Orlando victory.

“Lakers will def win, for serial,” deadpanned Shingwel. “The Lakers are, uh, mature-er and tougher, and they have Kobe. That’s what a guy on ESPN said.”

“Yeah, honestly, who do the Magic even have other than Dwight [Howard]? I never see any of them on SportsCenter’s Top 10 Plays,” reasoned Harrison.

Regardless of the series’ eventual outcome, both boys stated that without a doubt a La kers-Cavaliers series would have been the greatest series in the history of basketball, with the possible exception of the “Chicago-Boston one” a month ago.

“I just hope the games all wrap up before 10:00 on school nights,” said Harrison. Puffing himself up slightly he declared, “But I can totally go to bed whenever I want on Fridays.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!