Crosby complains that Stanley Cup is too heavy

PITTSBURGH, PA — Given that his Pittsburgh Penguins have won the NHL championship and reclaimed the Stanley Cup, one would think that Sidney Crosby would be pretty happy these days. One would be wrong.

“I feel pretty good about winning the Stanley Cup,” Crosby said. “But it’s soooooo heavy. The thing weighs like 40 pounds. What’s fun about that? It makes my arms so damn tired. I’m the Stanley Cup champion, my arms shouldn’t be tired all the time.”

Crosby, who is known to complain about pretty much anything, also said that his eyes hurt.

“So many goddamn people are taking pictures of me,” Crosby said. “I’ve had like 4,700 people who want to take a picture of me. It’s ridiculous. Get a life, people.”

The list of problems don’t end there, according to Crosby, who said that it’s been difficult for him to get enough sleep since winning the Cup.

“I’ve only been able to sleep eight or nine hours a night,” Crosby said. “Especially in PIttsburgh, it’s insane. All these freaking steelworkers and industrial types are out of work these days, you know. So they’re always stopping me on the street, or calling my house to congratulate me. Tell you what — this green economy can’t get here soon enough.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!